Big Surprise: IKEA Orlando Toilets Offer Too Many Options for Visitors

IKEA Orlando
4092 Eastgate Drive
Orlando, FL USA
www.ikea.com

Where is it?

Easy to find. Just enter the store through the main entrance and the bathroom will be located behind the central display found there. If you can't find it, just head towards the escalator and wrap around the display (it blocks the view of the entrance to the the bathrooms) and then look for hallway with large man and woman icons painted on its walls -- the toilets are there.

Pretty hard to miss really -- and a great location for people who find themselves in dire need of facilities before entering the store.

Note: There's another toilet behind the food court -- also detectable by the large man and woman icons painted on the walls nearby to it. It offers the same setup as the one by the front entrance, only it's half the size. This was not reviewed for this article.

What's it like?

Want to furnish your house on the cheap? Then this mammoth complex (the store itself is rumored to be more than 300,000 square feet in size) is for you. Inside, you'll find just about everything you could ever want in terms of furniture and housewares, from couches, beds and mattresses to storage bins, kitchen utensils and cookware -- there's even a food area offering an assortment of Swedish (the company is based in Sweden) goods, from herring to jams to frozen fish. No kidding.

And most of the stuff is cheap and needs to be assembled. Which of course makes it cheaper to buy. A new desk with a hutch, for example, costs only $200 -- a real bargain! A pound of coffee is $3.50! Woohoo! USA! USA!

Of course, the quality of the items is kind of hit or miss -- the lower-priced furniture is mostly of the particle-board variety. But it's functional enough, at least for the short term. And essentially anyone with about $1000 can fully furnish their apartments with the items found here, which makes it great for people starting out and trying to create a home for themselves in these woeful economic times in America.

The store interior is complex and labyrinthine to a fault. Visitors don't so much stroll through but follow a guided map that takes them through various showrooms, all of which display nearly every item available in the company's monstrously large catalog. There is even a recommended walk path through the store (shown on a map found every 50 feet or so) -- and the layout is so complex and maze-like and calculated that if you stray from that path you end up walking in circles (or at least it feels that way to some degree) for a while.

Of course, having said that, I must admit that this set up is decidedly ingenious, as it essentially guides you perfectly through the store and dictates how you will experience your time here. Is it a coincidence that the store's cafe (which offers cheap but delicious dishes of Swedish meatballs, gravad lax, pasta and more) is located halfway through your trip -- or that the food area is the last thing there (impulse buy, no?)? Or that the "shortcuts" leading you to the cashiers take you past some of the store's more show-stopping set displays (like the mock apartments furnished solely with IKEA items)? I don't think so.

The bathrooms are equally calculated and clever, but they are also a bit over-complicated in design as they offer too many options for visitors -- and because of that they become a bit confusing and badly setup. But if nothing else, you can't say these toilets are boring!

This is a large place, with four stalls (including two handicapped stalls: one in the front, across from the entrance door, and one in the back corner) and three urinals, as well as a large vanity area with about five sink stations in it.

The walls here are covered in white tile and the floor is covered in gray tile -- very similar, I found, to the toilets I experienced in Sam's Club Orlando and Melbourne, only with a smaller tile pattern. It's a place that feels very sterile and clinical at first -- and that feeling is extended thanks to the flat fluorescent lighting coming down from overhead.

The white porcelain urinals are all waterless -- similar to the ones seen in Nona Sushi and Whole Foods South Orlando. The commodes themselves are standard white porcelain models but but have a European-minded flush system attached to them -- pull up on the flush lever if you're doing a #1 and push down for a #2 (which thus limits the amount of water needed to flush said amount of waste). Directions are stuck to the wall beside the flush rods, in case you're confused over which direction to go with.

Toilet paper holders inside the stalls are white plastic with clear blue plastic lids -- also very clinical in appearance but slick in a modernist way. But that blue highlight color is found in other areas of the bathroom as well, most notably in the paper towel dispensers, which hang stoically at the far end of the bathroom, next to the front stall and entrance/exit door.

Also, the far back area of the vanity is devoted to kids and parents. There's a small sink located there, set at about half-height to the standard vanity counter height (for children -- which is a nice touch, I thought) as well as a baby changing station against the back wall. To the left of the baby changing station (on the floor) is a small white trashcan for the kids to throw their paper towels into -- and for parents to throw away diapers and such; it has highlights that are the same color blue as those other items mentioned and was stuffed to the gills with diapers and towels on my two visits.

The vanity itself is pretty plain Jane. A standard white marble counter with white porcelain sinks laid into it. What's amusing about it as that the faucets are the old push-down-to-get-water models and here they are set in a way that one push only gets you about two seconds worth of water -- hardly enough to even dampen your hands well. So that means you have to wash your hands one hand at a time so that the flow remains consistent. (The faucets reminded me of the ones I found at the Delta Crown Room in the JFK International terminal -- a fancy place with pretty archaic faucets. What gives? Why can't these self-proclaimed stylish places spring for some quality faucets?)

Even more amusing is that the soap dispensers, also fixed into the counter, automatically pump out some delicious foaming suds -- which of course made the crappy faucets all the more out of place.

Another inclusion is a pump of hand cream hanging from one of the stall walls of the front cubicle. It's not great hand cream -- actually, if makes your hands excessively greasy, especially if you've just washed your hands and your hands are still a little damp -- but it's a nice option that's hard to pass over. Of course, seeing that it's fixed on the wall to a toilet stall, I imagine that the person using that stall gets more than his share of interruptions during his visit. Given that, why isn't that pump placed elsewhere, so it doesn't disturb visitors as much? Hmm....

Odor-wise, the place wasn't bad. A slight urine-y but nothing terrible. Cleanliness-wise: I found a fair amount of spilled water (especially on the vanity) and paper on the floor (especially by the kiddie area), but also each time I visited I saw an attendant about to go in and spruce the place up, so it seems that the place does get cleaned regularly.

Marks out of 10:

7. Really a 6, but it's a unique place that tries to do something different, so I'll give it an extra point for that.

Comments to the Management:

The place tries a bit too hard in places (kiddie area, hand cream, etc.) and as a result becomes a bit frenetic in execution. There's so much to do here you wonder if people will stay longer just so they can experience everything (myself included). I like that there's plenty of options, but the placement of some of the items is questionable -- especially the hand cream dispenser attached to the stall door and the cheapo faucets. Seems like if the place simplified just a little, it would achieve some sort of zen quality.

EXCLUSIVE: Sneak Peek Inside Bathroom/ Locker Room at New 24 Hour Fitness

24 Hour Fitness
South of Downtown Orlando (SODO Complex)
S Orange Ave & Grant St
Orlando, FL USA
www.24hourfitness.com

Where is it?

From the front entrance, go in and turn left at the reception center. Pass the center's store and you'll see the entrance to the bathroom (ladies' room) on your left. Go further down along that wall and you'll see the men's room.

Note: It's a large place, appx. 60,000 square feet, so be prepared to walk a bit (though not excessively) on your voyage.

What's it like?

As stated, this is a mammoth complex filled with sprawling spaces, mirrored rooms, metal walls, textured floors, digital clocks, sleek corners, modernist art, affirmation statements and a pumping ongoing house-music soundtrack. Subtle it isn't, but it's also a gym, not a restaurant, so the place needs to exude positive energy from all angles. And that it does.

Of course, it should also be stated here that we received a sneak preview of the place before it actually opens, which will be at the end of October 2008, so not everything was up and running on our visit. The place's manager gave us a tour of the place, which included a tour of the women's bathroom/locker room (not the men's room). As such, the many of the machines weren't in place, little of the equipment was there, computers were not yet installed, the store had yet to receive any merchandise and construction workers were still putting the finishing touches on it.

On the other end, the kiddie area looked nearly complete (and enticing) and the impressive indoor basketball court (which includes a full court and an additional half court) was just about finished. I'm not much of a gym goer (as you can imagine, I'm more of a bathroom goer) but as gyms go this was pretty.

And the same goes for the bathrooms/locker rooms.

These are sprawling multi-person environments -- some of the biggest I've seen outside of airports, to be honest. They have a somewhat labyrinthine floor plan, with plenty of twists, turns and enclaves, though not many open spaces outside of the changing area. It packs a lot into a large area.

After entering, you come into the main locker room area, which houses a plethora of dark-wood-stained half-lockers (each made of well-stained fiberboard-styled wood?) and several benches (made of the same dark-stained wood) for sitting and to aid in changing. Beyond that, to the immediate left, is a multi-station sink area.

The sinks and fixtures are stainless steel and the counter granite -- a design we've seen before in such places as ULTA (though without the granite counter) and the Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg, Russia (albeit dirtier and more makeshift) but never to such grand effect or in such grand scale. Above each sink is a mirror, one per station, which makes for a nice touch instead of having a stretch mirror accommodate all things.

Also worth noting are the XCELERATOR air driers placed here -- about four or five in all and each one made of stainless steel. We've seen high-power hand driers before, especially in Europe (Le Roi du Pot au Feu and Monsoon Restaurant come to mind as immediate examples), but I've never experienced on that has generated as much air power as the one here. It literally rippled the skin on my hands when I used it -- which is both impressive and a little scary.

Granted, not as impressive as the hand driers at the London Eye ticket office toilets (which were just downright too cool for school) but impressive nonetheless.

Another nifty add-on is this device that looks like a paint can shaker -- it wrings out and dries your bathing suit in seconds, and was something else I found impressive and a little frightening.

The section behind the sink stations is where the toilets are. This is a deep hallway with about 10 or so commode stalls, each separated by dividers that are made of the same deep-stained wood as the lockers and benches. The toilets themselves are your standard white porcelain, and the stalls are of average width, but the stainless steel toilet paper holder was a nice, original touch (right up there with the stainless steel holder at Strollo's, though I think I like that one just a touch better -- a bit more upscale and elegant and modest instead of purely functional, as is here).

The walls here -- like the rest of the place -- have dark beige granite on them and the floors have an elegant soft blue tile on them. Combined, they make the place cool, relaxing and sleek -- this is a somewhat hip bathroom, after all, but not so hip that it loses its identity and wants to impart some sense of exclusivity, such as the toilets at Shari Sushi. Nor are they so chic that they feel like an HGTV project gone haywire -- like the bathrooms at the new Whole Foods in Orlando.

The showers are in the next section back: This is a long corridor filled with glass shower doors and shower stalls. The lighting is decidedly darker here, making the floor and walls appear darker than they are (and if I'm not mistaken, the soft blue floor tiles used elsewhere give way here to a more functional linoleum cover here, no doubt because of the moisture involved. As a result, the place feels somewhat cave-like, particularly a seaside cave (lots of echo here), but given what the room's used for, it's certain an appropriate feeling to have.

In addition to this, there are a few other nifty touches, most notably is the inclusion of a spigot water filter attached to the water fountains just outside the toilets. This spigots allow you to easily fill your plastic water bottle with filtered water instead of using the water fountain tap that has been used by everyone else.

If there's anything to fault here, it may be that the design makes me think that the place will look and feel a lot like Grand Central Station's toilets when they are at full speed. I understand that the place will be busy and should be (it's a gym) but at the same time, after experiencing a sweaty workout, I would like to know that there's a spot where I can wind down and recoup, and I'm not sure this is where that would be.

Marks out of 10:

8. Very impressive in terms of design, offerings and technology available.

Comments to the Management:

First of all, thanks for the sneak peek. We appreciate it. It's a fine toilet/locker room. Our only complaint is that we wish there was a place for some quiet downtime -- if that's coming or in the works, just let us know via our comments and we can re-evaluate. Thanks again.

What's That Beyond Those Cans of Inedible Cooking Oil? Oh, It's the Dreary Bathrooms at Theo's Kitchen

Theo's Kitchen
435 E. Michigan Street
Orlando, FL USA

Where is it?

Not inside the eatery. Rather, go outside and around to the back of the place. After rounding the corner, you'll see some metal waste canisters containing inedible cooking oil. Go up to them. You'll see a door to the left. Go through and you'll find a short, dark and dank enclave, off of which both bathrooms are based.

What's it like?

This homey neighborhood joint offers a unique mix of Middle Eastern street food and southern fried treats. That means the menu dishes up a mix of gyros and hummus alongside platters of fried chicken pieces and whitefish fillets. A strange mix, to be sure, but the quality is good (especially the chicken, which is some of the city's best; the gyros are decent too, as are the fries and Greek salad) and the prices are low, making it a perfect stop for a quick, affordable bite if you're in the area.

The inside looks like a standard southern diner, with Formica booths and tables and a front counter (with overhead menu) where you order from -- complete with surly hostess. A few Greek Orthodox icons sit about as well.

The clientele is varied: From hillbillies and construction workers to downtown hipsters to area employees -- all of which seems to flock to the place for its fried chicken and gyro sandwiches. For some reason, I find that refreshing.

The bathroom is a bit on the scary side, though -- as might be expected by its proximity to those cans of inedible cooking oil. They are tight, small dank environments with lighting that is too dim and a lack of ventilation.

In fact, the men's room had an exhaust fan (that was off and looked like it'd been dormant for 20 years) just above the commode in the lone stall, but that was about it in terms of ventilation. This made the interior feel very humid and musky, almost swamp-like. In a way, it reminded me a lot of the toilets experienced at Kappy's in Maitland and the Waffle House in Walterboro, SC -- both of which felt a little to true to the spirit of the Deep South, if you know what I mean.

The walls here are covered in white drywall and the floor in white mini-tile -- though the dim lighting and gray areas here gave everything kind of a dreary off-white hue. Some of the floor tiles are chipped or missing in places as well.

Fixtures are your standard white, save for the urinal, which is one of those stretch jobs that goes down all the way to the floor (further proof that this place has been around a while).

White it looks dreary, the urinal and toilet (in the place's lone stall -- and a tight-fitting one at that) are clean enough (the lighting, I think, is what makes it seem dirtier than it is). There are some water stains and patch marks on the wall.

The sink is another story: Some rust and scum around the perimeter and grout line and some stains in the sink itself, as well as some corrosion around the faucets. A lone soap pump sits on the sink, by the faucet (no vanity counter) and a non-functional paper towel dispenser hangs above it (a roll of towels was placed above it to dry your hands).

Odor-wise, it wasn't too bad -- just kind of musty because of the lack of ventilation, but nothing as bad as the Waffle House in Walterboro, SC or the horrid CVS Pharmacy bathroom in Savannah, GA.

Marks out of 10:

3. Almost a 4, but that dim lighting and lack of ventilation drop that score down a bit.

Comments to the Management:

I realize it's just a diner bathroom, but it could be a bit more. Add better lighting and ventilation, to make the place less oppressive and dark, and scrub it up a bit better and you're pretty much there -- at least if you want to keep your ambitions low.

El Bodegon Toilet's Perfection Marred By Lone Streakmark

El Bodegon Tapas & Wine
400 S Orlando Ave
Winter Park, FL USA

Where is it?

From the front entrance, take an immediate left after passing the hostess stand and head down the side dining hall towards the back wall. The toilets are located in the small enclave there.

Note: This is a dark place, so give your eyes some time to adjust before moving on (unless you're in an emergency situation, of course).

What's it like?

This classy tapas bar on the outskirts of Winter Park (a somewhat posh -- at least seemingly so -- suburb of Orlando) offers some of the most authentic takes of Spanish cuisine available in the city -- which is somewhat surprising, considering the number of Latino restaurants in the area.

The menu here splits itself between 20 or so tapas (or small plates) and 20 or so full-sized entrees. I didn't try the entrees on my visit but the selection seemed promising and included everything from chicken to meat to fish, as well as traditional Spanish fare like paella.

The tapas (which I did sample) offered a wide range of ingredients, from crab-stuffed pequillo peppers to shrimp sauteed in a broth spiced with cilantro, oil, garlic and wine to mussels stewed in a lively mix of tomatoes, garlic, and wine. I didn't see much in terms of fresh sardines or orange-flavored sauces (both Spanish staples I expected to see on the menu -- though the crema catalana dessert had a nice infusion of orange in it), or much with grilled meats or veggies, but what there was certainly satisfied.

The wine selection is solid, though the sherry assortment was a bit lacking -- five were listed on the menu but only two of those were available both had turned in the bottle before they had reached my glass. Thankfully, our friendly server corrected the problem by offering two glasses of house sangria, for which we were most grateful.

Prices are a bit high, but there are deals to be head. Especially on Sundays, when the place offers an all-you-can-eat tapas and wine menu for $30. Considering the quality of the food we received, it is worth the cost of admission.

The restaurant's interior is dark (as stated earlier) and rustic, more intimating an elegant Spanish villa table setting than actually re-creating it. There are two sections to the dining room and a small bar area, and each section is filled with dark woods and deep orange hues that seem taken from the Godfather movies.

All of this, combined, creates an elegant feel to the place that's more Old World and comfortable than stuffy and slick, however the menu, service and vibe carry a sophisticated feel making the place perfect for a high-end evening of hanging out or a special dinner.

The toilets exude the same charm as the dining room. These are one-baggers of high caliber, on par with what we found at Strollo's Cucina Due, Pizoodles in Vero Beach, Tacos El Rancho, Hershey's Ice Cream Vista Lakes and American Signature Furniture South Orlando. (Though, it should be said that these one-baggers fail to reach the marks set by the wonderful Sensi or Okada in Las Vegas.)

The decor here is elegant yet simple. Rust-patterned tile on the walls, brick-patterned tile on the floor and brown paint on the upper walls. A white commode in the back corner, sitting opposite a black glass vase holding some dried bamboo-like stick. Black-framed pictures of wine bottles (the kind of art you'd find at most trendy print stores, really -- or at American Signature Furniture) hang on the walls. A white urinal set up next to a white sink set into the corner of the place. A soap dispenser hangs to the right of the sink, a paper towel dispenser to the left (dividing the sink and the urinal, essentially).

It's a cozy environment, stylish, dimly lit -- almost like a more dimly lit version of the toilets at Strollo's Cucina Due, minus the stainless fixtures. It has that same cozy, elegant feel. It's also very clean and odor-free.

My one setback is that the toilet has a noticeable streakmark inside it, set dead center on the bowl rim. In most cases, I don't care about such things, and in multi-user toilets the situation is somewhat expected (as in our visit to the Oxford Train Station toilet), but here, with limited options, it's a bit off-putting to find such a thing waiting for you for your visit.

Marks out of 10:

8. A fine toilet through and through, marred only by that excessive streak mark.

Comments to the Management:

A little more policing of the toilet would eliminate any streak issues, and I hate to say that until the issue is under control, you may need to adopt such a policy.

In the Right Light, Texas de Brazil Toilet Feels Much Like the Most Elegant Medieval Prison on Earth

Texas De Brazil
5259 International Dr
Orlando, FL USA
www.texasdebrazil.com

Where is it?

From the front entrance, face the large hostess stand that looks more like an elongated cashier counter than a hostess stand. Behind the hostess stand, you'll see a divider wall, which separates the small lobby from the salad bar area behind it.

Follow the divider wall to the right and you'll see a hallway opening across from the right edge of the wall. The bathrooms are down that hallway, which is covered with newspaper and magazine clippings showering the establishment with praise.

What's it like?

This meat-lover's haven is one of Orlando's more indulgent and elegant eateries. Essentially an all-you-can-eat meat and salad place, it models itself off the churrascarias of Brazil: The menu consists of 14 to 17 grilled cuts of meats, chicken or pork, each prepared method over an open flame and carved tableside by the restaurant’s authentically costumed Gauchos. The meats are salty and tender and full of flavor, making the location a must for anyone who loves beef as a whole.

Also worth noting is the place's enormous (more than 40 items) salad bar, which includes everything from imported cheeses to salamis to freshly made noodles to soups -- in addition to the multitude of greens available!

Though on the surface it sounds like a better-than-average buffet, in actuality it's a fine dining restaurant of the highest caliber. The ingredients are fresh and expertly prepared (especially on the salad bar, which is easily the best of its kind in the city), service is outstanding, the wine list is impeccable and the desserts are fantastic.

Of course, it's also somewhat expensive (expect to drop $150 for two here) and it's unfathomly filling -- just look at the face of my friend Kip McGuire in the picture to the right for proof. The man looks ready to explode from eating too much meat! (That's essentially how you'll feel after leaving this place.)

Given that setup, you expect the bathroom to be somewhat horrendous. Bathrooms at all-you-can-eat places tend to be locations where people make room -- one way or another -- for more food, or for the chance to make their pants fit more comfortably, so they aren't always the prettiest places (as indicated by, say, the toilet experienced at Super Orient Buffet in Orlando).

But now and then we come across a fine buffet bathroom (the one at Paula Deen's The Lady and Sons in Savannah, GA comes to mind) and this one is another. Essentially a small, long place, it's filled with several modern touches that life it above the ranks of run-of-the-mill toilet. A bit over-crammed with design touches, it's still a top-notched rest stop and definitely a comforting destination after you've filled yourself with 50 lbs. of meat.

The floor here is covered with off-white rough-textured (as opposed to smooth and sheer), and the walls are covered in a dusty, sandstone like tile. The lighting is dim but elegant (better than what we found at, say, Soyka's in Miami, which was a bit too dim).

The sink bowls are made of heavy granite, and there are two of them, each sitting like statues into a little cutaway in the front of the bathroom. A nice touch.

The sink station also has two waste baskets, one to each side of each sink bowl -- a smart inclusion that eliminates that awkward moment where two people find themselves trying to throw paper towels away at the same time.

Also, there is some rust-colored steel soap dispensers above each station, on a nifty little jetty shelf that sticks out just below the mirror on the wall above, as well as two wicker baskets holding some "seriously thick hand towels," as my friend Jason Wilson remarked.

The urinals and toilet are the standard white porcelain variety but are clean and in perfect working order. The urinals are separated by a dividing wall of those dusty sandstone-like tiles, as are the two commode stalls.

The doors to the toilets look like they're made of wrought iron and both latch closed with one of those primitive latches that one sees in those old movies where people are locked in a dungeon. And ironically, the effect inside the stall is similar to the experience of being in one of those dungeons, or in this case I am thinking more of a cell on a Spanish galleon, given the modernist Latin flair found in the design of the restaurant itself . You close the door behind you and the hinges creek like a piece of antiquity, and you lock the thing and the lock shudders and the echo of the locking sound resonates throughout the bathroom. And the latch itself is even rusty! Very prison-like, if you think about it.

Worse still was the bit of graffiti I found inside the bathroom wall, reading "Life." Indeed, very prison-like. Then again, if you're there for a longer visit, perhaps the illusion of "life" allows for a more contemplative or redemptive experience?

Marks out of 10:

8. Elegant, stylish, old-fashioned -- if only the stalls didn't have that prison-like feel to them.

Comments to the Management:

I think it's time to oil the hinges on the bathroom stall doors. Otherwise, great place.