Watch Out for Toilet-Kicking Madmen Inside Peter and Paul Fortress Bathroom

Peter and Paul Fortress
St. Petersburg, Russia

Where is it?

Head into the ticket office on the side of the complex facing Suvoroskara Pl. bridge. Once inside the ticket office, you'll see the signs for the bathrooms immediately on your left.

What's it like?

Built in 1704, this military complex is the oldest building in St. Petersburg. Ironically, it never saw battle but instead became one of Russia’s most notorious political prisons. Some of its former tenants include legendary authors like Dostoyevsky, Chernyshevsky and Gorky, as well as Vladimir Lenin’s brother, who attempted to kill Tsar Alexander III and was executed here soon after he was incarcerated.

The centerpiece of the fortress is the Peter and Paul Cathedral, a modestly sized (at least compared to the city’s other offerings) yet ornate church that happens to be the city’s first religious meeting place. In addition to its glorious Baroque architecture and stunning frescos found here, it also holds the sarcophagi of all of the Russian Tsars, from Peter the Great through Nicholas II -- a feature that also adds an air of creepiness to your visit.

Also on hand in the Fortress are a dozen or so small museums dedicated to topics like Russia’s military past, Russian space exploration and the national mint. Particularly charming is the 28-room exhibit devoted to the evolution of the city of St. Petersburg, which tracks its history from its Norse roots through its communist heyday and its current role as Russia’s cultural capital.

The bathrooms in the ticket office are a strange creation indeed. They feature two toilet stalls, which are separated by the standard floor to ceiling dividers that are common in Europe (I have to say, I like this feature -- American stalls on the whole just don't offer you enough privacy), along with two urinals (without dividers) that are hooked to a very primitive automatic flush mechanism (the mechanism, essentially, is that they flush continuously, no just when you're done).

Given that set up, you expect the toilets here to be devoid of the stench of urine. Sadly, that's not the case. They are a bit smelly, though nothing as sharp as what I encountered at Catherine Palace or the Russian Museum.

There are two pedestal sinks here, with flash mirrors and soap dispensers positioned over them. They were somewhat clean but could have used a bit more of a scrubbing. The walls here are covered with classy rust-colored marble tiles, the floors with off-white square tiles. The divider walls separating the two stalls are a deeper rust color than the walls and are made of fiberboard and covered with a patter that makes them look like they are made of fine-grade wood. Kind of strange, I thought, to design a place that has some great tile work but then undermines that quality by putting up tacky stall dividers and other add-ons.

Also unique here is the floor mat placed outside the entrance to the bathroom. It was more like a burlap rag than a mat, and it had been so overused and was in so desperate need of replacement that when you stepped on it to sop up some of the slush your feet picked up from outside (I visited in the winter), it did little more than stick to your feet and threaten to tear apart like a soaked, poor-quality paper towel. Pretty gross.

Finally, and most upsetting, I found a person inside the back stall here kicking the toilet repeatedly. And I mean kicking! He was yelling at it and kicking it, and every now and then you heard the bonk of his shoe as it made contact with the basin. Why he was doing this, I had no idea -- perhaps the idiosyncrasies of the design had finally taken him beyond the breaking point?

Needless to say, after witnessing that bit of bathroom violence, I took my pictures and got the hell out of there. Ironically, I almost tripped on the ratty rag on my way out.

Marks out of 10:

5. Nice tile work, and somewhat clean, but why are there all those strange additions that negate your positive points. That made me wonder what was going on here, really. Is this bathroom some sort of postmodern expressionistic art? Or something far more frightening?

Comments to the Management:

Get a new mat for your feet. Scrub the sinks and toilets a little more. Add some air freshener. And post a guard out front to make sure no more toilet-kicking crazies get in to satisfy their fetishes.

Petro Palace Toilets May Just Be Smallest Facilities in Russia

Petro Palace Hotel
Malaya Morskaya Ulitsa 14
Saint-Petersburg, Russia
www.petropalacehotel.com

Where is it?

From the main entrance, head through the lobby area, which is filled with several couches and lounging chairs, and head towards the bar at the back of the lobby. At the bar, turn right and wrap around it into the hallway behind that area. Do not go so far as to enter the concierge area or the gift shop, however.

While facing the entrance to the gift shop, turn left, then follow that ever-narrowing hallway to the right. After making a right, you will enter a narrow but stretching hallway. The bathrooms will be right as you enter that passage way.

What's it like?

This modest, homey hotel, located just five minutes by foot from the Hermitage Museum, offers comfortable rooms, fine dining and plenty of friendly service -- for a fraction of the cost of some of the city's higher-end hotels, such as Grand Hotel Europe (which is about a mile away). Granted, it's not in the same league of luxury as Grand Hotel Europe, but if you're looking for a comfortable, not-to-flashy place to stay in the city's tourism center (it's about 30 meters from St. Isaac's Cathedral), you can't really beat this place in terms of affability and price (about $120 per night during this off-season visit).

Having said that, the public restrooms available to non-guests here aren't much to consider. In fact, they are some of the smallest I've ever visited -- including such recently reviewed tiny spaces as Club Quarters Philadelphia and Marathon Grill. Yes, these are very, very small -- even for European standards!

The facilities themselves aren't much more than a five-foot by two-and-a-half-foot room, with a toilet on one end and a sink on the other. There is barely two feet separating the edge of the toilet and the edge of the sink, and while peeing men can actually position themselves in a way so that they can lean against the edge of the sink for balance and still hit the target. This is definitely not a place for people who suffer from claustrophobia.

On the plus side, it was considerably cleaner than most of the other public restrooms visited on this trip, including the toilets found at former royal residences like the Hermitage, Catherine Palace, and the Russian Museum and at rival in-city hotels like Grand Hotel Europe, which was much roomier but not cleaner. On the plus side, at least it was a one-bagger facility, not a multi-person one, like the toilets at the ridiculously assembled Club Quarters Philadelphia.

Inside, you'll find the floor and walls covered with shiny, sparkling black tile (arranged in a very straightforward design, not in a way that makes it look elegant and sleek, like at Sensi and the sublime Okada in Las Vegas). White porcelain toilet and sink, also gleaming and well-cleaned and in perfect working order.

They may be tight, but they are well kept, so if you can handle the claustrophobia they are certainly worth visiting if you find yourself in need of a toilet and are in the area (nearby St. Isaac's Cathedral doesn't have public restrooms, for example, so this might be a good stop to make after visiting that).

Marks out of 10:

7. Very clean and well-kept, but the tight fit keeps its score from being higher.

Comments to the Management:

Everything is fine here, except the limited amount of space. If you can, expand a little. Doesn't have to be much -- a little room here will go a long way. You were able to coax a little more space out of you Sky Bar bathroom -- reviewed tomorrow -- so I'm not sure why you can't do it here as well.

Toilets at James Cook Pub & Cafe Cozy But Tight-Fitting

James Cook Pub and Cafe
Shvedskii Pereulok, 2
St. Petersburg, Russia

Where is it?

Go through the main entrance and you'll immediately come face to face with a coat check station. Behind that station, and a little to the right, is a small hallway leading to the toilets. The men's room, it should be noted, had a poster on it displaying a poem devoted to beer.

What's it like?

This cozy establishment, located in the courtyard blocks between the Hermitage Museum and the Russian Museum, works two distinct angles: Cafe and restaurant (and in Russia, there is a thick line dividing the two). Step through the front door and you must choose which direction to take: The left leads you to a modest cafe filled with a variety of sandwiches, pastries and coffees -- perfect for a person wanting a quick bite before hitting the streets again. The right takes you to a homey, brick-filled tavern boasting a full menu and dozens of beer on tap, as well as an assortment of other drinks.

I opted for the restaurant end on my visit, since I'd been touring the city extensively that day and wanted to rest a while. The menu here is pretty extensive, offering everything from traditional Russian dishes to classic bar fair like burgers and steaks. I went with beef stroganoff and a soup course (solianka) -- both were superb renditions of the dishes, particularly the stroganoff which was creamy, meaty and placed over delicate noodle dumplings.

The bathrooms are reminiscent of the ones experienced in the Petro Palace's SkyBar. They accommodatie only one person, they are tight-fitting, small, a bit crammed, but they are not as tight as the Petro Palace lobby toilets or the SkyBar. Not to say they are roomy either: There is just enough room here to move around and position yourself properly without feeling like you're going to bump into all the fixtures.

It's cozy here, to say the least, and the effect is rather closet like, and after a big meal at the restaurant here, a little more spacious surroundings feels in order. You want to come in here feeling large but leave feeling small, if you catch my drift, and the place just isn't large enough for that, not unless you've got no other choice. (Great for a quick pee, like the SkyBar, but that's about it.)

On the flip side, it's very clean here. Even the wall-mounted plastic trash can, which was half-full, seemed spotless. Quite impressive. Design-wise, the walls are covered with sandy-colored tile and the floor is covered with that deep brick tile we've seen in countless places, like at Maurice's BBQ in South Carolina. Not bad choices -- certainly a bit more Western than what we found at the European-inspired Petro Palace or SkyBar.

Fixture wise, the place has your standard white toilets and sink, along with plastic add-ons attached to the walls, like a toilet paper sheet dispenser, paper towel dispenser, soap dispenser and more. Many of these add-ons, it should be said, were within a foot of one another and could all be easily grabbed while sitting on the commode. Yes, it's a small place.

Marks out of 10:

8. Very clean and comfy, though like the Petro Palace lobby toilets they are just a bit tight as well. Not as tight as they are, though, so I put it on equal footing with SkyBar.

Comments to the Management:

Because this is a full-service restaurant, people visiting the bathroom here will tend to take more time in their visits than they would at, say, SkyBar. I realize space availability makes expanding this area hard, so perhaps you want to position a mirror or perform a similar tactic to make it look like you have more space than you really do.

Russian Museum Toilets Showcase Dingy Tiles, Stinky Pee Smell

The State Russian Museum
Inzhenernaya str., 4
St. Petersburg, Russia
www.rusmuseum.ru

Where is it?

Finding the entrance to this mammoth museum is much trickier than finding the toilet, believe it or not.

First, to locate the building, head towards the Church of the Savior On Spilled Blood, a majestic onion-domed structure a few blocks from the nearby Hermitage Museum. The Russian Museum is located to the right of that church.

To get a general idea of where the museum is (and it's funny that the entrance is this hard to locate because it's a massive building), look for the sprawling Mikhailovsky Gardens, which are across the street from the aforementioned church. The big yellow building at the far end of the gardens is the museum.

However the entrance is not there. To get to that, you need to back track some on that main street where the church and gardens are on. Go about halfway down until you see a modest door with windows around it -- inside the windows is a set of metal detectors. That's the entrance.

From there, go in, buy a ticket and head for the cloak room. Check your coat and then continue down that hallway, past the cloak room, round the corner beyond it, and you'll find the toilets there. Phew.

What's it like?

Founded in 1898 by Nicholas II, the last Tsar of Russia, the museum houses the country’s largest collection of nationally drawn art, occupying three wings of the Mikhailovsky Palace. Whereas the Hermitage is stately and elegant, this museum boasts a more playful, down-to-earth side, hosting exhibits by both modern and classical Russian artists alongside its main collection. What's most surprising here is how visitors can witness the way Russian art, especially over the last two centuries, has evolved in a similar manner as American art. Make a point to visit the rooms devoted to modernist and cubist styles for proof.

Like many of the other Russian bathrooms visited on this trip, the toilets here are somewhat dismal and smelly. Design-wise, they feel like a cross between the bathrooms at Catherine Palace and the Peter and Paul Fortress. Like the former, they consist of dingy, often mildew-strewn white tile and boast the foul odor of urine. Like the latter, they are positioned in a way that keeps them recessed from the rest of the building and make you think you are going into an environment that's much nicer than it really is.

The main detraction here is the dark-tiled floor, which clashes poorly with the white tile on the walls -- so much so that it somehow manages to further accentuate the many water stains found throughout the place. Toilets and urinals are your standard European white varieties, and they are separated by the floor-to-ceiling dividers I've seen throughout the toilets experienced in this country; they are filled with hard water stains and the stink of urine emanating from the urinals is quite pungent, and they look downright filthy when backed by the dark-tile floors of this place. (In fact, these and the Hermitage toilets may be the smelliest toilets I visited on this trip, and there were plenty of smelly toilets here.)

Top all that grime with some shoddy construction, namely in the two-station sink vanity found here, which looked like it'd been pieced together out of found fiberboard. This reminded me of Cecil's toilets in Orlando, which also seemed assembled out of found goods, only these are in much poorer condition. Those at least looked solidly constructed. These looked like they'd fall apart if you put any weight on them.

Worse still was the noise factor: Though the toilets were around the corner from the cloakroom, the chatter and noise of that area still carried well down the hall, making it sound like you were actually doing your business in the cloakroom, if you catch my drift.

Marks out of 10:

3. Though the museum is a wonderful place to tour, these toilets were wholeheartedly unpleasant.

Comments to the Management:

Lots of work needed here. Start by changing the floor to a tile or covering that doesn't look like someone's just tracked mud or slush across the floor. Then shine up the porcelain and tile and put a solid vanity in there and then add some air freshener.

EXCLUSIVE: Sneak Peek Inside Bathroom/ Locker Room at New 24 Hour Fitness

24 Hour Fitness
South of Downtown Orlando (SODO Complex)
S Orange Ave & Grant St
Orlando, FL USA
www.24hourfitness.com

Where is it?

From the front entrance, go in and turn left at the reception center. Pass the center's store and you'll see the entrance to the bathroom (ladies' room) on your left. Go further down along that wall and you'll see the men's room.

Note: It's a large place, appx. 60,000 square feet, so be prepared to walk a bit (though not excessively) on your voyage.

What's it like?

As stated, this is a mammoth complex filled with sprawling spaces, mirrored rooms, metal walls, textured floors, digital clocks, sleek corners, modernist art, affirmation statements and a pumping ongoing house-music soundtrack. Subtle it isn't, but it's also a gym, not a restaurant, so the place needs to exude positive energy from all angles. And that it does.

Of course, it should also be stated here that we received a sneak preview of the place before it actually opens, which will be at the end of October 2008, so not everything was up and running on our visit. The place's manager gave us a tour of the place, which included a tour of the women's bathroom/locker room (not the men's room). As such, the many of the machines weren't in place, little of the equipment was there, computers were not yet installed, the store had yet to receive any merchandise and construction workers were still putting the finishing touches on it.

On the other end, the kiddie area looked nearly complete (and enticing) and the impressive indoor basketball court (which includes a full court and an additional half court) was just about finished. I'm not much of a gym goer (as you can imagine, I'm more of a bathroom goer) but as gyms go this was pretty.

And the same goes for the bathrooms/locker rooms.

These are sprawling multi-person environments -- some of the biggest I've seen outside of airports, to be honest. They have a somewhat labyrinthine floor plan, with plenty of twists, turns and enclaves, though not many open spaces outside of the changing area. It packs a lot into a large area.

After entering, you come into the main locker room area, which houses a plethora of dark-wood-stained half-lockers (each made of well-stained fiberboard-styled wood?) and several benches (made of the same dark-stained wood) for sitting and to aid in changing. Beyond that, to the immediate left, is a multi-station sink area.

The sinks and fixtures are stainless steel and the counter granite -- a design we've seen before in such places as ULTA (though without the granite counter) and the Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg, Russia (albeit dirtier and more makeshift) but never to such grand effect or in such grand scale. Above each sink is a mirror, one per station, which makes for a nice touch instead of having a stretch mirror accommodate all things.

Also worth noting are the XCELERATOR air driers placed here -- about four or five in all and each one made of stainless steel. We've seen high-power hand driers before, especially in Europe (Le Roi du Pot au Feu and Monsoon Restaurant come to mind as immediate examples), but I've never experienced on that has generated as much air power as the one here. It literally rippled the skin on my hands when I used it -- which is both impressive and a little scary.

Granted, not as impressive as the hand driers at the London Eye ticket office toilets (which were just downright too cool for school) but impressive nonetheless.

Another nifty add-on is this device that looks like a paint can shaker -- it wrings out and dries your bathing suit in seconds, and was something else I found impressive and a little frightening.

The section behind the sink stations is where the toilets are. This is a deep hallway with about 10 or so commode stalls, each separated by dividers that are made of the same deep-stained wood as the lockers and benches. The toilets themselves are your standard white porcelain, and the stalls are of average width, but the stainless steel toilet paper holder was a nice, original touch (right up there with the stainless steel holder at Strollo's, though I think I like that one just a touch better -- a bit more upscale and elegant and modest instead of purely functional, as is here).

The walls here -- like the rest of the place -- have dark beige granite on them and the floors have an elegant soft blue tile on them. Combined, they make the place cool, relaxing and sleek -- this is a somewhat hip bathroom, after all, but not so hip that it loses its identity and wants to impart some sense of exclusivity, such as the toilets at Shari Sushi. Nor are they so chic that they feel like an HGTV project gone haywire -- like the bathrooms at the new Whole Foods in Orlando.

The showers are in the next section back: This is a long corridor filled with glass shower doors and shower stalls. The lighting is decidedly darker here, making the floor and walls appear darker than they are (and if I'm not mistaken, the soft blue floor tiles used elsewhere give way here to a more functional linoleum cover here, no doubt because of the moisture involved. As a result, the place feels somewhat cave-like, particularly a seaside cave (lots of echo here), but given what the room's used for, it's certain an appropriate feeling to have.

In addition to this, there are a few other nifty touches, most notably is the inclusion of a spigot water filter attached to the water fountains just outside the toilets. This spigots allow you to easily fill your plastic water bottle with filtered water instead of using the water fountain tap that has been used by everyone else.

If there's anything to fault here, it may be that the design makes me think that the place will look and feel a lot like Grand Central Station's toilets when they are at full speed. I understand that the place will be busy and should be (it's a gym) but at the same time, after experiencing a sweaty workout, I would like to know that there's a spot where I can wind down and recoup, and I'm not sure this is where that would be.

Marks out of 10:

8. Very impressive in terms of design, offerings and technology available.

Comments to the Management:

First of all, thanks for the sneak peek. We appreciate it. It's a fine toilet/locker room. Our only complaint is that we wish there was a place for some quiet downtime -- if that's coming or in the works, just let us know via our comments and we can re-evaluate. Thanks again.

Toilets at Historic Angelo's on Mulberry Street Beautifully Blend Old World Charm with New World Style

Angelo's of Mulberry Street
146 Mulberry Street
New York, NY 10013
www.angelomulberry.com

Where is it?

From the front entrance, head to the back of the place. You'll pass through a narrow dining room along the way, as well as the entrance to the kitchen, which will be on your left.

About halfway down, you'll also notice a waiter station. Behind that, the restaurant opens up some to reveal it's back-of-store dining room. Just past the waiter station is a twisting staircase heading to to the basement. Take those stairs downward and you'll come to a small lobby, off of which are the bathrooms.

What's it like?

This establishment, located in the ever-shrinking neighborhood of Manhattan's Little Italy, has been serving high-end Italian and Italian-American cuisine for more than 100 years. The interior extends that sense of history, especially in its aged woodwork, hand-painted murals, dim lighting and friendly-yet-professional wait staff, many of which are from the Old Country.

The menu itself consists of dozens of well-prepared dishes, from fresh salads, breads and antipastos to pasta dishes to meats and desserts. Portions are enormous and a bit on the pricey side, but the quality of the food is so high and the ingredients so fresh that you feel like you're getting your money's worth.

I had a wonderful, flavor-packed pasta dish filled with big chunks of garlic, tomato and crab. My companion had a special of squid ink pasta with various cheeses in it. Both were otherworldly, as was the incredibly fresh Antipasto all' Italiana, assorted cold cuts and cheese that featured some of the freshest, creamiest fresh buffalo mozzarella I'd ever had in my life.

Given the Old World charms exuding from the dining room, you would expect the bathroom to be a throwback to the past, or at least a clever spin on the place's turn-of-the-century roots, a la Bennigan's or Macaroni Grill, if you will.

(And no, I'm not trying to imply that Angelo's and those chain restaurants have anything to do with one another, just that I was expecting the toilets to possibly have that kind of design.)

But, of course, they didn't. Though the dining room is very traditional, the toilets here are decidedly modern in design and very clean -- a surprise considering its age and NYC location. (You never know with this city, you know?) Granted, there were some cigarette buts in the urinal -- strange since NYC no longer allows smoking in places that serve food -- but otherwise the place was spotless and fresh smelling.

Sleek, gray, sandstone-inspired tile covers the walls, the grout line all but invisible, and light sandstone-colored tile covers the floor (in a way that isn't at all like the other red-brick-floored places we've visited), creating an almost futurist vibe in the place. The pedestal sink, toilet and urinals (two of them) are all white porcelain, but like at Sensi and Okada in Las Vegas, the sleek, futuristic-albeit-minimalistic wall design somehow makes the fixtures seem less plain, almost like pieces of art.

On the flip side, the toilets are a bit small for multi-person facilities. Not as small as what I experienced at the Petro Palace Hotel in St. Petersburg, Russia, mind you, or even Club Quarters Philadelphia and Marathon Grill in Philly (they were more the size of, say, Sharky's in St. Augustine), but they were somewhat small for multi-person facilities. I ended up sharing the space with a person on my first visit here (I made two in all) and it felt crammed with two people in there. I could see how this might make things uncomfortable if someone were there for a longer visit and another person came in.

Still, the cozy lobby just outside the toilets, featuring a well-worn padded bench and some homey artwork, makes for a good place to wait out any delays and give other attendees some privacy until it becomes your turn to go inside.

Marks out of 10:

8. Classy, sleek and small -- not what I expected in the least.

Comments to the Management:

It's a small space and you've done your best to cover it up. Just make sure the cigarette butts stay out of the urinals and you're golden.

Amway Arena Bathroom Really Just a Cave with Lots of Urinals

Amway Arena
600 W Amelia St
Orlando, FL USA
www.orlandovenues.net

Where is it?

This bathroom reviewed here is located near the entrance to the seats in sections 103-104 and 203-204.

So to get there, find that area via the signs pointing to them, look across the hall from them -- you'll see a large tiled divider wall (almost monolithic in size, really). Go behind that wall and you'll come across the bathrooms.

What's it like?

Orlando's main arena, home to the Orlando Magic and big concert draws, this large stadium seats around 17,000 for most basketball games and concerts. It's a pleasant enough place to enjoy such an event, though the echoes and acoustics can be a bit of a strain -- as much sound seems to get stuck in its many upper corners.

Like most arenas, it has a number of attractions, from various gift stalls selling T-shirts and other wares, to an assortment of food vendors, offering an array of fast food and such. Seats are of the plastic fold-down variety -- not too comfortable, but not as bad as other venues I've been to.

The bathrooms here are enormous, multi-person and cavernous. In fact, walking in one it really looks just like a being in a cave -- only this cave is lined with urinals along its perimeter.

And it's not as dank as the cave-like bathroom at at Pulkovo International Airport in St. Petersburg, Russia, but that's only because it's much larger than that. Still, this is very much a cave and nothing else.

Essentially, the facilities here consist of one long room. A barrage of sinks (all white porcelain, with single mirrors over them) covering both sides of the walls greets you once you step inside. Beyond that is a long single room that has dozens of urinals fixed to its left and back wall and a long row of toilet stalls along the right wall.

The urinals have no dividers between them, and black metal makes up the stall divider walls. Various posters of upcoming events hang above the urinals -- which is better than nothing, I guess. The upper walls are covered in beige tile, the lower walls with a drab gray tile. That same colored gray tile (albeit smaller) covers the floors, which is also dotted with small black tiles for highlights -- similar to what was seen at Theo's Kitchen, only on a much larger scale.

What's amusing here is that a lot of the fixtures are dated. The sink faucets, for example, are the old-fashioned turn-on variety you used to see predominantly several years back. I haven't seen faucets this antiquated since visiting the Delta Crown Room in the JFK International terminal.

Also, this is the only place I've ever seen advertisement stickers placed around the piping of the toilets -- a very strange place to place an ad, I think, since you can never really see the entire ad. So far, I've seen business cards and fliers placed in the bathroom (like at that horrid CVS Pharmacy in Savannah, GA) and I've seen printed pieces of paper taped to specific areas of the bathroom (like at the scary Goyan Gip Korean Restaurant), but I never have seen stickers wrapped around piping. First time for everything, I guess.

That aside, the place was pretty clean as a whole -- though I visited during the opening minutes of a basketball game, so few had made their way to the bathroom by then. I've made other visits while attending other events and the bathroom was far messier then. For this one, I found some trash on the floor, some spilled water and pee and some foul odors in the air, but nothing too horrible. (It's been worse on subsequent visits.)

Still, outside of the sheer size of this cave, there isn't much that's memorable here. Utilitarian at best, and best experienced early on in the game than later as it gets pretty crowded during halftime and on the way out.

Marks out of 10:

6. Really a 5, but that one visit, where I was the only person in there, really added to the experience.

Comments to the Management:

Update the fixtures and keep it cleaner when the place is being swamped -- both things I'm sure you already know, though.

SkyBar's Toilet Soars

SkyBar
Petro Palace Hotel
Malaya Morskaya Ulitsa 14
Saint-Petersburg, Russia
www.petropalacehotel.com

Where is it?

On the top floor of the Petro Palace Hotel. Take the elevator up and then step into the main hallway. The bar is down the hallway about 20 feet, on your right.

What's it like?

This hotel bar, one of two in the building (the other is in the lobby), positions itself (at least according to the hotel's website) as having "without doubt... one of the best viewpoints for some of Saint-Petersburg‘s most notable landmarks. With its spectacular view over St. Isaac’s Cathedral, the Hermitage and beyond, it is the ultimate venue for your party, event or function, and the same time the Sky Bar is the area of tranquility, providing a contrast to the hustle and bustle of the city life below."

Well, the bar is certainly tranquil, being more like a lounge than anything else -- a fact furthered by the place's two-level interior, which features many pieces of dated furniture that look like they were taken from a 1970s furniture catalog. Pretty kitschy, if you think about it. A sharp step downward serves as the separator between the two levels, and on my visit two women took hard tumbles from the upper level to the lower level because of that step. Ouch.

As for views: Well, I can't say that these were all that spectacular either. The actual window you look through to see the cityscape is small (maybe 6 feet wide and three feet high) and limited in vantage, and several of the hotel's exterior supports cross in front of it, further hindering your view. (The view atop St. Isaac's is far superior.)

Still, it's a quiet place (outside of the house music) and very unassuming, and if you've spent the day walking around this great city and want a quick nightcap before heading back to your room and calling it a day, this isn't a bad place to do it. Not worth visiting if you're not staying here, mind you, but still a nice place regardless. Service was friendly and the beer (including the wonderful Russian brews Nevskoe and Baltica) were cold, flavorful and inexpensive (about 50 rubles per large glass, or about $2).

The toilets hold many similarities to the ones I experienced in the hotel's lobby toilets. They are small, almost closet-like in size, covered in blue tile (whereas the lobby ones are covered in black tile) and are spotless and well-kept (with two air fresheners mounted to the walls to keep these compacted environs free of foul smells -- something I wish other recently visited places like the Hermitage, Catherine Palace, and Russian Museum would incorporate).

More importantly, these are a little more spacious than the lobby toilets. Not by much, mind you, a foot in length and a foot in width, but that makes all the different here. They are still tight (but only accommodate one person at a time), but they are a vast improvement over the ones downstairs.

Marks out of 10:

8. You really appreciate that little bit of extra space that the lobby toilets lack.

Comments to the Management:

A fine toilet, as unassuming as comfortable as the bar in which it's set. Now if only your bar had a better view of the city.....