Sunday, 29 April 2007

King Invests in Mirror Maze


The Kings Arms Hotel and Restaurant,
19 Market Street,
Woodstock.
OX20 1SU
United Kingdom

http://www.kings-hotel-woodstock.co.uk/index.shtml


Where is it?

Head straight from the front door towards the restaurant (not into the bar). The ladies is on the left. Men carry on and left just before the door to the restaurant and the door is there (under the stairs).


What’s it like?

This restaurant is the second most stylish in Woodstock. The bar is a mix of cool and traditional with great leather winged chairs. The food in the restaurant is consistently good and great value even though its not the cheapest around. It is also a good place to go to have a meeting as it’s quiet and spacious enough to get on with things without being disturbed.

Considering the toilets are under the stairs they are very spacious. In fact they have the feel of real luxury. Well thought out design, high quality fittings (the sink is obvious but look at the urinals – virtually space age) and the whole place has a sparkly clean feel. This is helped by great lighting and mirrors that reflect the light.

Still I did find myself feeling a little off balance. From certain points you feel an urge to fall forward. This is because the very mirrors that help make the toilet sparkly and bright are placed all around. What results is a maze effect. Indeed, if I had had more time I might just have tried to see where it went. This is after all a historic town. Did the King invest in a magic mirror maze to allow a speedy route from Blenheim Palace to his favourite watering hole? Could I suddenly find my way into the living quarters of the Churchill’s?

Now that just be a lesson to you about where too much beer can lead your mind!


Marks out of 10:

8 for style and cool mirror effects.


Comments to the management:

Toilets fit for a King.

Friday, 27 April 2007

EXCLUSIVE! Masons’ Latest Paraphernalia Includes Toilet Roll


The Masons Arms,
Banbury Road,
Swerford,
Chipping Norton.
Oxfordshire.
OX7 4AP
United Kingdom

http://www.masons-arms.com/



Where is it?

Very easy this one. As soon as you’ve entered the premises go left. There are two doors with Greco-Romanesque tablets on them. The one stright in front is the ladies and the one to the right is for the men.


What’s it like?

The pub is renowned for its good food and has a friendly and inviting atmosphere. The d├ęcor is a cross between New England minimalism and a cosy front room. It is basically a nice place to be.

The toilet in this place is disturbing. It’s not that it is dirty in anyway, or horrendously decorated. Although efforts to make the toilet more inviting seem to be limited to the inclusion of a plant in front of the mirror – a plant so tiny you dare not sneeze at it in case it blows away – it is functional enough and is passable at the very least. No, what is unnerving about this place is the inclusion of stray toilet roll. Yes you can see it sitting there on top of the toilet cistern. What is it waiting for? It is ominous and creepy lurking there. Is it waiting to ambush you?

But my toilet loving friends on this visit to the loo I think I worked it out! It is the name of the pub that made it clear to me. It has to be a Masons thing. When they enter another lodge member’s establishment and frequent the toilet they have to wrap the end of the toilet roll twice around their head and throw it over their left shoulder. For the more agile I should imagine they have to hop on their left leg when doing this. What purpose does this serve? Well first it limits their use of the toilet paper. They are only allowed to use the length from their head to where the toilet roll lands. It’s a form of rationing if you like. Second, it lets the other members of the lodge know a fellow mason has visited them. It’s about as inconspicuous calling card as you can get!


Marks out of 10:

5 given the unnerving associations with a secret sect.


Comments to the management:

Are you hopping mad?

Wednesday, 25 April 2007

Ship Shape Facilities at Pottery Barn Kids May Creep You Out

Pottery Barn Kids
Millenia Mall
4200 Conroy Road
Orlando, FL USA 32839

http://www.potterybarnkids.com

Where is it?

Don't be fooled by this store's kiddie-friendly facade. The bathrooms are tricky to find here. Head into the store (not the regular Pottery Barn entrance, mind you, which is attached to the place) and head back and to the left, back and to the left (no, I'm not making a JFK reference) until you reach the back left corner of the place. Once there, you will find yourself in a crib room -- and behind that all is a little passage way that looks like the entrance to a janitor's closet, which of course adds a bit of creepiness to this situation.... But rest assured, it isn't a janitori's closet..... not in the least......

Creepy Segue That Explores The Truth of This Situation......

Of course, having said that, the place did require a bit of courage to get to.

We were in the mall for a cooking class at William Sonoma and of course I had to make a pitstop, so I suggested Neiman Marcus, which I imagined would have very sterile-but-functional facilities (like those at like-minded megastore Macy's). But my companion thought otherwise, saying that Pottery Barn Kids had a wonderful little restroom, perfect for what I needed.

Begrudgingly, I set out to the store, but once inside I noticed all the children and parents there, and the kid-friendly attendents, and I began to get creeped out. Literally. I mean, what sort of man can honestly go to the bathroom here and keep his conscience intact? Could I just go in there, ignore all those smiles, and do my business without offending anyone? I didn't think so, so I went back out and met my companion and brought up the Neiman Marcus suggestions again. But she didn't listen. She was adamant about my trying the facilities at Pottery Barn Kids and explained again and again that there was nothing wrong with going into Pottery Barn Kids to relieve myself.

And back and forth we went, arguing about this, and as we did, I noticed a man watching our conversation intently from a nearby bench and I began to get freaked out. I don't like people to intrude into my business, you see, especially when it involves going to the bathroom at Pottery Barn Kids. And when I saw him watching us, I quickly demanded my companion accompany me to Pottery Barn Kids so I could get this "situation" over with, and she did, albeit begrudingly. But the guy listening to our conversation followed us for some reason, and I suddenly got very scared, thinking he was the kind of guy who not only visited the bathroom at Pottery Barn Kids regularly but followed people who were thinking of visiting the bathroom at Pottery Barn Kids for a one-time shot. So we walked faster and faster, trying our best to ignore him, and finally we got to the store and to our surprise the guy walked right past us and further down the main drag, and in great urgency (I was scared now, you see) I went into the back of the store, entered the rest room, did my business and then left feeling very ashamed of myself.

What's it like?

Of course, it was all the worse because this was in fact a very pleasant bathroom. The decor takes on subdued seaside-nautical theme. Lots of white and wicker, as well as a good bit of woodwork and a speaker system inside pipes in some softly mood music, making the act of bathrooming all the more pleasant for the user.

And, of course, it was very kid-friendly -- steps leading up to the sink for the shorter tykes, lots of toilet paper (LOTS of toilet paper) in case the little ones make extra big messes, and classy fixtures that add a touch of elegance.

Bottom line: Creepy.

(Hey, taking pictures and writing about public restrooms is strange enough -- we don't need to add any insinuation to matter, you know?)

Marks out of 10:

6. Would have been a 9 were it not for the shame I felt after leaving.

Comments to the Management:

Add sign on door saying: "For Kids Only. Adults Please Use Pottern Barn Adults' Bathroom."

Tuesday, 24 April 2007

Yeehaw! Cowboy Commodes these are not!

Shepler's Western Outfitters
5232 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.sheplers.com

Where Is It?

There are a-plenty of distractions in this store, pardner, so don' be lettin' your eyes go astray when you're a-headin' for the latrine. From the main entrance, and facin' the back wall, take the path that heads along the right side of the store. Go past the cashiers (marked "Teller" here and set behind bars, just like in those old banks we used ta have) until you reach a side marked "Restrooms." Enter the hallway below that to seek relief.

What's it like?

As mentioned earlier, the store is filled with sights to see, from rows and rows of boots to racks of cowboy shirts to shelves of knickknacks to displays of hats, among others, and the decor does its a fine job evoking the sense of a western frontier town (albeit a tacky one).

Having said that, the bathrooms show none of this flare. They are plane, white-tiled, boring unisex rooms, and the only Western flare found in them was a couple of photos of old cowboy goofballs stuck on the walls (Gabby Hayes-inspired stuff, if you will). Pretty disappointing, considering the way the store is laid out.

Still, having said that, the restrooms are also very clean and very quiet and they certainly make for a better resting spot (for those of you in need of a longer visit) than some of the other places in the mall, like Fuddruckers, which offer little privacy or seclusion.

Marks out of 10:

6. Very functional, sure, but lacking inspiration.

Comments to the Management:

Need to Westernize the bathrooms more.

Fuddrucker's -- Home of the Loaf Bun Houses Noisy Facilities

Fuddruckers
Festival Bay Mall
5250 International Drive
Ste E1
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.fuddruckers.com/

Where is it?

The bathrooms are easy to locate -- they're in the appropriately labeled ("Restrooms") hallways located behind the salad bars -- but getting to them can be difficult.

If you're coming in from the restaurant's outdoor exit, you need to head all the way through the dining room and then to the right of the salad bar area. If you're coming in from the mall entrance, you need to either cut through the order line (which takes you well out of the way but gives you a good glimpse of the kitchen and meat locker) or steer right, away from the order line, past the bakery (which contains such unique goods as the Loaf Bun (an intimidating loaf-sized version of their already enormous hamburger bun), through the dining room and past the salad bar. Either way, it's a twisty, turny way.

What's it like?

The decor of this franchised burger chain (which makes a fine burger indeed) offers an interior that gives an upscale touch to the traditional diner look. Tables, while still Formica, are colored in sharp yellows and reds (not plain white), various neon signs and symbols are hung all over the walls, and the floors are covered in cool red tiles. As you can expect, the menu is packed with beefy burgers, which range in size from 1/3 lb to 1 lb, as well as steaks, chicken, ostrich, garden burgers and more.

The bathroom extends the decor, with yellow counters, automatic faucets and towel dispensers, gleaming white wall tiles, shiny silver fixtures and pleasant flowery air fresherner smell pumped throughout. (It IS a burger joint, after all.) It's clean, chic, friendly, upscale.

But it's also very noisy. Once inside, you'll notice little audible separation between the bustling dining room and the restroom's interior, and while that makes it ideal for a quick pee (gotta get back outside to finish that mammoth burger, after all) it may prove a little nerve-wracking for anyone in need of a longer visit. (And eating an entire Loaf Bun may result in just such a pitstop, if you know what I mean.)

[Note: Those looking for more privacy should hed to Shepler's Western Outfitters, also in Festival Bay Mall, though don't expect as much thematic character from that bathroom as this one.)

Marks out of 10:

7.

Comments to the Management:

The noise factor is the biggest drawback here. Though this is a design flaw, not something the management can go back and fix.

New England-Style Tavern Offers Much Amusng Beer-Related Fun

Celebration Town Tavern
721 Front Street
Celebration, FL USA 34747

www.thecelebrationtowntavern.com

Where Is It?

From the main entrance, head down the entrance corridor and then turn left, past the metallic sheen of the open kitchen and prep station and down along the dark wood bar and the plasma TVs hanging on the walls, to a little hallways in the back corner marked "Restrooms."

What's It Like?

Fans of the show "Cheers" will like this New England-sports-inspired establishment, which mixes the friendly Irish-bar wood and brass fixtures made famous on that TV-created drinking establishment with a slew of sports-themed wall decorations, like signed jerseys by Patriot's QB Tom Brady's and PK Adam Vinateri (though a real New England fan would have taken the latter down since Vinateri chose not to re-sign with the Pats this past year), nostalgic photos of the Red Sox and Celtics glory days (Ted Williams, Carl Y, and the rest), and tons of amusing signs tailored towards the beer-drinking advocate. No mention of the Bruins' Bobby Orr or Ray Borque from what I could see.....

The food is decidedly New England-based as well (though much more expensive), with a menu filled with items like steamed lobsters and clams (flown in fresh from New England, of course), fried seafood platters, lobster rolls and the rest. Also, the place has about 30 microbews on tap (none from New England, ironically enough), with Sam Adams varieties taking up a majority of the selections.

The bathrooms extend the dining room's decor, offering a cozy yet chic environment filled with dark woods, bright tiles, solid green walls, marble counters and plenty of wall-mounted beer-related memoribilia. (My favorite was a sign showing the Periodic Chart of Beer Styles positioned over the urinals.)

They were clean but also a bit unkept -- I was there for a mid-afternoon lunch and already the floor was starting to fill with bits of torn paper and spilt water. It wasn't so bad that you could go, of course, but it was noticeable. (And really, you could easily ignore the less-clean apsects of the bathroom by focusing more on the novelty signs. Did you know element 43 on the table is "Dubbel?")

Marks out of 10:

7. Needs just a little more work keeping the place clean throughout the day.

Comments to the Management:

Did you know element 10 on the table is "Pale Ale?"

Sunday, 15 April 2007

Daffodil Dungeon?


The Daffodil
18-20 Suffolk Parade

Cheltenham
Gloucestershire
GL50 2AE
United Kingdom

http://www.thedaffodil.co.uk/


Where is it?

When you arrive at the restaurant you will enter what was the ticketing area for this ex cinema. Take in the smell of the lilies as you head past the reception desk. Then head left and through the doors that have the toilets clearly signed. Once through the doors follow around to the right and downwards. The male toilets are on the right.


What’s it like?

These toilets would have been under the seating in the cinema, so it should not be any surprise that it all feels rather subterranean. Still they are ultra clean and some effort has been taken to remove the cold edge with a table with tissues and other conveniences on it. What’s more they have managed to keep the original 1920’s fixtures in here. This means it is like taking a step back into history. Not the most comfy place to pee, but extremely cool nevertheless.

This is another place that has good smells. I’ve already mentioned the smell of the lilies in the lobby. This adds an inviting touch that makes you want to go back again and again, something the proprietors have not missed with the hand soap either. I was in a rush so didn’t notice until I was back at the table, but hell it smelt good.

Another thing to mention about this place is that it isn’t too expensive and is one of the coolest restaurants in town. The food is thoughtful but isn’t messed with too much. If you’re in Cheltenham I’d recommend a visit.



Marks out of 10:

For cleanliness and authenticity a 9.


Comments to the management:

The timewarp wins you this score!

Tuesday, 10 April 2007

Kabob's: Little Eatery Plays Host to Roomy Bathroom

Kabob's
700 Babcock St. NE #37
Palm Bay, FL USA 32905

Where is it?

In the back of the restaurant. Just go straight through the dining room, to the corridor starting at the back wall. Once there, go right and you'll find the bathrooms. (Go left and you'll end up in the kitchen.)

What's it like?

This is a unpretentious Middle Eastern eatery in a mostly Spanish part of Palm Bay. The decor is simple (a few wall paintings of Jerusalem's Old City, some plain tables) and the food is delicious, especially the falafel (some of the best I've had) and the kabobs (of course).

The bathrooms are your of your standard strip-mall variety, with white drywall walls and plain black laminate on the floor, but it's very clean and remarkably roomy. In fact, while I was washing my hands here, my mother called and as we talked my voice echoed so much she asked me if I was in a train station. She didn't believe me when I said I was in a bathroom at a small Middle Eastern restaurant in Palm Bay -- nor did she attempt to get off the phone when I told her this. Sigh.

Marks out of 10:

7. Functional, clean and roomy.

Comments to the Management:

None.

Little Too Much "Yellow" at This Hip Cafe

Yellow Dog Cafe
905 U.S. Highway 1
Malabar, FL USA 32950

www.yellowdogcafe.com

Where is it?

From the maitre d' table: Go into the dining room, towards the stairs leading to the lower level. But before you get to the stairs, take a left (into the restaurant's second dining room) and head towards the kitchen. Once you do, you'll face-to-face come with a bar area set up around a chef's station. Go past that and into the hallway just beyond. The toilets are there.

What's it like?

This is a hip little eatery found on the outskirts of Melbourne. The interior is filled with folk art and pictures of dogs, and the menu wears its modern gourmet American influences like a badge of honor. The food here is imaginatively prepared and tasty, albeit a bit too rich for a casual night out and drenched in various sauces, it seems. The highlights are the salads, which are creative and tantalizing.

Likewise, the bathrooms are cozy, clean and cool, filled with offbeat pictures, dark wood highlights, funky old-fashioned wall paper, classy fixtures and REAL TOWELS! Funky and functional, to say the least.

Except that the person who used the toilet before me had not flushed -- and instead of a funky clean bathroom I was greeted by a toilet filled with someone else's pee and toilet paper. This, of course, made me wonder what the "Yellow" in "Yellow Dog Cafe" really referred too..... which in turn led to a night of horrific paranoia. Ick.

Marks out of 10:

7. Would have been higher were it not for the unflushed toilet.

Comments to the Management:

While you may have a hip, sophisticated, fun environment on your hand and a creative menu, your clientele (or staff?) clearly isn't as sophisticated as you might believe they are. Perhaps it's time to start screening people at the door. Before they enter, ask: "Do you flush the toilet after going to the bathroom?" If they say "No" or appear hesitant, refuse them entry!

Circuit City Toilet Doubles as Unwanted Bidet

Circuit City
6560 20th St
Vero Beach, FL USA 32966

www.circuitcity.com

Where is it?

In the very far back left corner of the store, past the music and video collection, the assortment of computer peripherals, telephones and headphones, and the racks of bargain software titles. Just look for the little red sign reading "Restrooms." (And yes, there's reason for this seclusion -- read on.....)

What's it like?

Clean, soulless and perhaps a bit too spacious for it's own good, given the echoes produced here. The walls and floor are covered with white tiles, and the stall doors are colored the same red as the company's logo. Go figure.

Of course, the big shock is the toilet found in the handicap stall, which -- I learned quite surprisingly -- doubles as a bidet. I took a seat here in dire straights, having sufferred a very bad meal just minutes before. (The regular stall was taken, hence my reason for entering the handicap one.) I sat down, did my business and proceeded to flush courteously so as not to bother my fellow crapper. When I did, waves of flushing water raged out from basin and thrashed against the toilet rim, producing a rush of upward moving waterfall of toilet water against my bottom. The water kept slamming against me for about a minute, during which I could do nothing but sit helplessly, clench my jaw in disgust and feel soaked and violated. I shrieked and shrieked. The guy in the stall next to me must have been in hysterics.

Worse still, the bathroom had no towel dispensers, only air dryers, so I could not find nothing but flimsy toilet paper to dry my wet undercarriage. It was perhaps the saddest day of my life. I dabbed at it as best as I could and then -- filled with shame and humiliation -- returned to my shopping, glum look on my face. Just to feel better, I spent $200 on electronics I didn't need, though that really did little to erase the experience from my memory.

Marks out of 10:

2. Would have been higher had I visited the other stall, no doubt.

Comments to the Management:

Perhaps it's time to check the plumbing and water pressure in the handicap stall before someone gets injured -- or too excited to leave.

Does Medicine Cabinet Reveal Country Ham n Eggs' Smelly Secret?

Country Ham N Eggs Restaurant
709 US Highway 1
Sebastian, FL USA 32958

Where is it?

From the entrance, turn right and head to the back corner of the dining room. The bathrooms are there. Of course, this is a small place, so don't expect to go very far -- the entrance to the men's room is only a few feet from a table (clearly for the establishment's less-desirable clientele).

What's it like?

This restaurant's name pretty much gives you a clue as to what the toilet will be like. This is a humble towny diner serving decent breakfasts at reasonable prices. Good country ham too, in case you're wondering.

The interior reminded me a lot of the inside of a mobile, with white faux-wood fiberboard walls and Formica tables and a bit coffee station in the middle. The bathrooms extend that decor -- clean and homey, but also a bit on the trailer-park side (no doubt the desired effect, I'm thinking). That same fiberboard covers the walls here, given a cozy, insulated feel to the room. The toilet, sink and linoleum floor tiles are clean but well-worn.

The only odd part is a cheap-looking wooden medicine cabinet hanging above the sink. While it certainly extends a sense of hominess here, it also draws too much interest. As most people do in a person's home bathroom, I peered inside the cabinet on my visit here and -- to my surprise -- found two cans of air freshener.

Two cans!

Isn't one enough? Are the smells produced here so bad that the first can needs reinforcement? Or do the odors here spread so quickly that two cans are needed to diffuse the stink before they reach the dining room tables beyond the door?

Of course, I didn't smell anything while I was here, but then perhaps the sprays were already in effect before I entered. Very strange.

Marks out of 10:

6. Cozy, comfy country feelings through and through. Though still a little bit too "country" for me.

Comments to the Management:

Lock the medicine cabinet. I'd rather NOT know what's inside.

Monday, 9 April 2007

3 is the Magic Number



McDonald’s,
Carpenters Arms,
Old Botley,

Oxford.
OX2 0JR
United Kingdom

http://www.mcdonalds.co.uk/



Where is it?

From the entrance head left. Follow through the chairs to the end of the restaurant and then to the right. There is a clearly signposted door through to the toilets.


What’s it like?

We’d eaten out and didn’t like the dessert menu too much and fell back on the trusty McDonald’s ice cream cone to finish things off. As we were approaching the restaurant I thought how the golden arches on their side would look like a number 3. And then remembered that De La Soul say three, that’s the magic number, yes it is! I’m not sure if it’s a pity that they didn’t use the golden arches on the single cover or not?

The whole theme continued in inside. Three staff, three sets of toilets (male / femal / disabled) and so on. I guess I’d have to say the staff seem to strike the same sort of happy tone from the De La Soul track too. This is one of the cleanest and friendliest McDonald’s that I know. Converted from the Carpenters Arms in 2002, it has worn well with the management obviously caring for the place in a way you rarely see in a fast food chain.

This is something that carries through to the toilets. They are on the basic side but well maintained. I’ve never seen a lock, door or soap dispenser out of order here. On this trip they had obviously been cleaned recently. Well done to the staff on that one. Still, some shit bag had managed to put toilet paper in one of the urinals, luckily not quite blocking it. I assume this is one of the ‘guests’ rather than one of the staff, but it still has to knock down the grading.


Marks out of 10:

A five, but I’d really have liked to give a 7.


Comments to the management:

Keep happy and slap the customers into line!

Sunday, 1 April 2007

Sam's Shows Faucet's Future, Soap's Present


Sam's Club
4255 W. NEW HAVEN AVE.
MELBOURNE , FL USA 32904

www.samsclub.com

Where is it?

About 50 feet to the left of the snack bar, but just before the cigarette department.

What's it like?

Teutonic and clean, as expected from this faceless warehouse club. Though having said that, this location does try to step up the innovation level -- namely in the sink here, which look more like a long-plastic piss trough than a sink. (see picture)

Step up to the sink, place your hand in front of the sensor there, and a triple-jet of water spurts out at you and then runs down a long drain towards a centrally located drain. Pretty neat, in a cold if I do say so myself, and with warm water -- unlike other locations.

Having said that, though, the water pressure could be stronger, and I found it very odd that the soap dispenser turned out to be just a standard pump bottle of soft soap you can buy at any supermarket (or at any Sam's, in bulk quantity, of course), sitting on the counter. I guess you can't have everything.

Marks out of 10:

7. The sinks almost made it an 8, save for that bottle of hand soap.

Comments to the Management:

Don't stop there! We want more automatic features! NOW! I suggest starting with an automatic soap dispenser.

May Sum: Sign of the Times

May Sum Chinese Restaurant
4542 S Semoran Blvd
Orlando, FL USA 32822

Where is it?

A large buffet table for the lunch crowds sits across the main part of the dining room. To the right of the buffet table is the opening of a lonely looking hallway, curtained only by a few loosely draped sheets of cloth. Go down that hallway (about 30 feet long and poorly lit) to get to the bathroom.

What's it like?

No, it's not as scary as it sounds, but it's not as clean as you'd like it to be either. The drywall here is chipped and banged up. The floor tile is clean but weathered, as are the toilets and sinks.

Of course, this is a family run place that's been around for more than a decade, and while you don't expect the bathroom to be in perfect condition after all those years, you also wish it didn't show its age as much.

Also worth pointing out: The back wall of the men's room has a very droopy fake orchid hanging on it. I know it's supposed to brighten the place up a bit but for some reason it only makes the environment seem sadder and older than it is.

Marks out of 10:

4. I wouldn't want to stay here longer than I have to, if you know what I mean.

Comments to the Management:

Time to revamp, even modernize.

Bennigan's: Traditional Irish Pub with Gadgets

Bennigan's Grill and Tavern
6324 International Dr
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.bennigans.com

Where is it?

Kiss the Blarney, to get to ye loo,
head ye out from thy front entrance,
straight and 'round the bar,
staying to the left on ye way,
then keep going straight
until you reach the back wall.
Once there, look left
for the 1920s-inspired sign reading "Restrooms."
Yonder stands your goal.

What's it like?

If you can't tell, or if you don't know, this is a chain trying to capture the feel of the Americanized Irish Pub. Given that, it seemed fitting to review the potty in poetry.

Ode to a Bennigan's Bathroom

'Tis one of seven Bennigan's in the Orlando area
one of two set in the city's tourism center,
the other's by the Florida Mall,
on Orange Blossom Trial,
Yet I seem to like this one better.

Like its brethren, it tries to be Irish,
a decor filled with woods, mirrors and beer signs
plus 1920s Americana-inspired touches,
and plenty of plasma TVs and hi-tech flourishes
and a sound system thats too loud to allow you to unwind.

The food is standard chain fair
With a few Irish specialties thrown in
Like the Turkey O'Toole sandy
(a specialty from Cork County?)
and the very "authentic" wings of Buffalo chicken..

The bathrooms carry on the conceit,
same woods and wrought-iron touches and clean.
But just like outside, you'll find
some high-tech surprises
like automatic faucets, soap and paper towel machines.

Marks out of 10:

8. As Yates said, "'Tis as fine a chain-restaurant bathroom as I've ever seen."

Comments to the Management:

Keep up the good work, kind sir

I visited during lunch
before the day's rush came through the door
and found a good clean bathroom
(warm and welcoming)
without trash or water on the floor.

Though early it may have been
the place still looked untouched,
well-kept and well-maintained
(and through the rest of the day)
I believed it would stay as such.