Orlando Speedworld Bathroom Seems to Be (Unintentionally) Modeled After Surgeries Found in Horror Films

Orlando Speed World
19164 E Colonial Dr
Orlando, FL 32820-3701
www.orlandospeedworld.org

Where is it?

After paying admission, walk up to the main track along the main walkway there. As you do, you'll end up heading through a paved divide between two white single-story buildings. Both of these are concession stands: The one on your left (with your back to the parking lot) is where you can get hot dogs, hamburgers, soft drinks and the like; the one on the right is where you get beer (from what I saw, only Bud and Bud Light -- Budweiser gets a lot of signage here).

Just past the building is the main walkway, running left to right, and in front of that is the main seating benches, which stretch about 50 feet in the air. The place's quarter-mile track is on the other side of the benches; go left or right, to the edge of the benches, and then climb up to get a seat and a view of the track. (There are some other seating areas further long as well, if you follow the perimeter of the track.)

But at the junction, to get to the bathrooms, you must turn left and pass the concession stand there. Keep going to the next building, which looks a lot like that first building, and you'll see the entrance to the restrooms there, which large painted signs indicating which room is for what.

What's it like?

Tucked away in the near-rural environs of Bithlo, east of Orlando, this is Orlando's version of NASCAR's minor leagues. The complex is large and contains two distinct race tracks: One for drag racing and one for Florida's NASCAR league, called FASCAR, which includes races from stock cars, modifieds, and the like. Behind the main track is a pit for mechanics and drivers to prep for races.

It's an old complex and certainly looks like it needs some upkeep in spots. The seating areas are sketchy and shaky at best. There's lots of cracked concrete and trash. Yet at the same time it's homey and got character. For Orlando, a city that's always rebuilding itself, this place is old and worn down and a bit backwoods in appearance, but the people are genuine friendly and tend to be enthusiasts of the sport. Not exactly a place for everyone but certainly surreal and enjoyable in its own right.

The bathrooms are unique as well. My visit occurred at the start of races, so the toilets were empty and mostly unused. On the surface, they look like concrete cousins to the mass-market toilets experienced in England, like the ones at Bicester Village or across the way from the Tower of London. They are large, filled with many urinals and have lots of concrete. But those were also a lot nicer than these. (And I've been told that if I visit at the end of the evening, the toilets are truly horrifying. Glad I didn't do that!)

There is a strange, horror film clinic feel to this place. The walls and floor are concrete, as stated. The walls are white and with plenty of dust and dirt on them. The floors are painted deep red and have several spots where the paint has either been worn off or the concrete has been chunked out.

The red color plays a major role here. In addition to the floor, its the color that trims the supply cabinet closet door and is the color of the sign for the restroom outside. The red provides a sharp contrast to the whiteness of the rest of the place and really makes you feel like you've stepped into some haunted house or similarly scary environment.

The bathroom is set up in three distinct sections. The front area includes the entrance, supply closet and sinks. The sinks are the standard white porcelain fixtures you'll find at most semi-outdoor bathrooms, including many of the U.S. national parks, like the main station toilets at Arches and the Yavapai Point bathroom at the Grand Canyon. These were somewhat clean when I arrived, but they weren't exactly the cleanest sinks I've seen. The sealant on the edges was worn, and there were plenty of mildew stains. Also, for what was about five total sinks in all, only one of the sinks had a soap dispenser on it, and it was one of those generic supermarket brand soap pump containers (a red soap, no less).

The middle section is where the urinals are. Like at the Tower of London, there are two rows of them, each on opposite walls of one another and facing one another. No privacy barriers. Lots of chipped paint and gouges in the floor. No automatic flushes. Really, kind of creepy in its attempt at sterility.

The back area is where the toilet stalls are, as well as another row of urinals. The stalls are made of drywall and have bright yellow curtains for doors. This, of course, also adds to the clinical feel here. I know the designers were aiming for an old-style garage feel (like what's seen at Cruisers Cafe), but given the worn out state of the rest of the place it just ends up looking like you're walking into a black market doctor's office for an operation you really don't want but are being forced to get. It's creepy. The toilets aren't really that clean either (reminiscent of the ones I saw at Catherine Palace in Russia), which doesn't help either.

Worse still, if you're in the stall and a child runs by quickly, then the curtain lifts some in the after breeze and suddenly your assumed privacy is ruined. Not exactly what you want to have happen when you're on the throne and a bunch of drunk FASCAR fans are relieving themselves right in front of you, if you catch my drift.

Also, at the far end of this chamber is an exhaust fan. Not sure why it's there since the place smelled pretty ghastly, but the fan was covered with dust and cobwebs. Ick.

Finally, I was here in Florida's winter time. I am thinking than in the summer, the place is crawling with insects (as evident by the filthy exhaust fan). Top that with the summer heat and this probably makes for one truly horrifying and uncomfortable experience -- one that rivals the horrors of Kappy's, I am guessing.

Marks out of 10:

2. Pretty scary, I hate to say. I feel bad for women, who can't just pee and go.

Comments to the Management:

Definitely needs another coat of paint and some serious scrubbing. This doesn't have to be impeccable, considering it's really just a stadium bathroom, but if an outhouse at 10,000 feet high is considerably more polished than this, then some work is definitely needed. Aiming to equal some lower-end national park bathrooms would be idea.

Best and Worst Toilets of 2008

2008 proved to be a landmark year for Where’s the Toilet?

We managed to review more than 150 bathrooms around the world, including some in some faraway and exotic locations as Russia, Singapore, Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Australia and more, and also visited toilets in some famous settings, like the Grand Canyon, the Hermitage Museum, Universal Studios Orlando and Grand Central Station, to name a few. Sadly, despite many requests, we were unable to review the toilet in the Minneapolis airport where Sen. Larry Craig was charged with “disorderly conduct.” Maybe next year...

Now that the year is over, we’ve chosen to post our second annual Best and Worst Toilets of the Year list.

So without further delay....

The Top 5

1. Mansion at Forsyth Park (Savannah, GA)

Easily the best of the year -- nothing else came close, and this was the best restroom we visited since our stop at the Wynn Las Vegas bathrooms (which topped our Best Toilets of 2007 list). As we said in our review of the Mansion, this is "a regal, marble-filled environment filled with amazing architectural frills, top-notch cleanliness and peaceful feelings."

2. Barrier Island Sanctuary Management & Education Center (Melbourne Beach, FL)

The best environmentally conscious (or "green") bathroom we visited this year, with a relaxing beach theme woven into the experience. "This bathroom has a lot of ambition and wants to be both stylish and environmentally friendly, and it pulls it off," we said in our review, "putting other high-profile locations to shame, really."

3. Pan Pacific Hotel (Singapore)

Quality is the name of the game at this luxurious stopping point, which features such high-end flourishes as walnut and veneer toilet stall doors and granite walls. "I could spend plenty of time in this place any time," we said in our review. "I look forward to my next visit."

4. Paris Las Vegas Hotel and Casino (Las Vegas, NV)

We visited plenty of Las Vegas bathrooms this year, and while none matched the jaw-dropping wonder of the Wynn Las Vegas bathrooms, this one, with its art nouveau decor and European feel, came closest.

5. Islands of Adventure at Universal Orlando (Lost Continent Toilets) (Orlando, FL)

The best theme park bathroom we experienced this year. Clean, quiet and practically kid-free -- the fact that it's somewhat tucked away from the park's major attractions certainly helps the quality factor, we thought.

Honorable Mentions:

Pearl Restaurant (Vero Beach, FL) -- A small one-bagger located in a homey restaurant on Florida's Atlantic coast. It takes the elegance of Vegas and brings it down to the everyday level, but doesn't lose the "wow" factor in doing so.

Bicester Outlet Shopping Village (Bicester, UK) -- The best UK bathroom we visited this year. Wood walls, Gilchrist and Soames hand soap, floor-to-ceiling toilet stall doors -- why couldn't the rest of the UK toilets we experienced have been this comfortable?

The Bottom 5

1. Southwest Indian Traders (Cortez, CO)

Not so much a bathroom but a collection of shoddy parts that have been put together without any care. The walls do nothing to protect you from the wind outside (and yes, the wind will catch you where the sun doesn't shine). The visible roof rafters above house dozens of cobwebs. And not all the plumbing works. As we said in our review, "Put an outhouse in the parking lot instead -- it would actually offer more comfort."

2. Kappy’s Submarine Sandwiches (Maitland, FL)

More the setting of a horror movie than a proper bathroom, this place features lights that grow dimmer the longer you stay and a used ketchup bottle containing watery, ineffective hand soap. "This is the stuff of nightmares," we said in our review.

3. Oxford Railway Station (Oxford, England)

The worst English toilet we experienced this year -- and there were some doozies! While it seems clean on the surface, the smell inside was overpowering and nearly every toilet was filled with excrement. Worse still, an attendant stood by the whole time, doing nothing. "Just a disgusting experience," we said in our review. "I wanted to shower after leaving."

4. CVS Pharmacy, HWY 80 (Savannah, GA)

The worst-smelling bathroom we visited all year -- with a smell so foul that you start smelling it from down the hall. A popular store like this should know better.

5. Uncle Bubba’s Oyster House (Savannah, GA)

Part of Paula Deen's restaurant empire and where the Southern food queen films her Paula's Party show. The place specializes in seafood you eat with your hands, like peel-and-eat shrimp and oysters, but the bathroom doesn't have soap to clean your hands with, or towels -- just Purell and a hand drier that doesn't work. As you can imagine, the fish odor here is pretty extreme.

Honorable Mentions:

Homebase (Oxford, England) -- A home repair store where almost everything in the bathroom is out of order and covered in filth. Word to the wise: Don't touch anything!

Waffle House (Walterboro, SC) -- A notch below the typical Waffle House bathroom, with plenty of grime-covered utilities and a not-so-heavenly aroma of trash and mildew in the air.

Outhouse #12: Bathroom at Grand Canyon's Yavapai Point Shows "Your Fees At Work" -- But Is That a Good Thing?

Grand Canyon National Park
Yavapai Point Bathroom
Grand Canyon, AZ USA
www.nps.gov/grca/

Where is it?

Head to the Yavapai Point lookout inside Grand Canyon National Park, which is a short distance away from Mather Point, which holds the park's most visited (and photographed) vantage.

Once there, round the small parking lot loop to the back side of it and look for the lone khaki-colored concrete building there. Those are the bathrooms.

What's it like?

The parking lot here is considerably smaller than the one at the Desert View lookout, which is strange because this stop feels about three or four times as crowded as that one. As a result, parking here can get pretty sticky -- best bet is to follow the loop to the end and park there, then walk up to the canyon rim (about 250 ft. at most), as this will allow for a less stressful time finding a space and leaving the lot.

Given that, this is a stop worth making because the view here offers a unique spin on the more famous Mather Point and Grandview lookouts. From here, you get closer to some of the mammoth formations jetting out from the side of the canyon and can get a closer look at the geological layers make up those formations; plus, beyond those formations is one hell of an epic view of the canyon. Some people actually use this lookout as a means to climb onto those formations for a more in-your-face view of the canyon. (Note: Mather Point and Grandview Point are more about the epic view instead of the closeups of those formations; though don't fault them for that, as they are great views as well.)

The toilets here are pretty straightforward in construction. It's a concrete building, medium sized, with a brown roof. Men's room to the right, women's to the left. Unlike the Desert View lookout bathroom, the ones here actually blend in with the landscape around them (must like how the bathrooms at the Temple of Sinewava stop at Zion National Park do), and they certainly convey the western motif found in much of the rest of the park.

Inside, they are pretty predictable and archaic. You walk in, and the sink station is to your immediate left. Beyond that are two urinals, and beyond that are three toilet stalls, two regular and a handicap in the very back. Beige-painted metal dividers (the same color as the metal entrance door to the place) separate the stalls and urinals. The bottom half of the walls are concrete, painted a dark beige, and the top are wood, painted a lighter beige. The floor is painted concrete - also beige, albeit a darker shade than the others found here.

The toilet stalls aren't anything special -- white porcelain commodes with plastic toilet paper holders, nothing more. The handicap stall is pretty roomy -- bigger even than the over-sized stall found at the Main Street Brewery in Cortez, CO, the green bathroom toilet stall at Eddie McStiff's in Moab, Utah, or the one at the Kolob Canyon Visitors Center in Utah.

The sinks are white porcelain, as are the urinals; both look and operate like relics from the pre-automated flush days, especially the urinals which utilize the old push-the-button-in-the-wall means to flush them. The sink has that push-the-faucet-button-to-start-the-time-limited-water-flow faucet on it, as seen at JFK's Delta Crown Room or IKEA Orlando, only not as effective as those.

The place is somewhat brightly lit thanks to the line of windows set along the top perimeter of the place. It's a bit dank regardless, due mostly to the concrete construction, but not nearly as cave-like as the Desert View lookout bathroom (or the bathroom by the small duty free shopping area at Pulkovo International Airport in St. Petersburg, Russia -- perhaps the most cave-like toilets I've been to). As a result, it's a little musty in here, though surprisingly I didn't smell much in terms of urine or other waste in the air, for which I was thankful. It's a popular stop at the park, so I kind of expected some stink here.

It's clean too. Some spilled water, but that's unavoidable in a bathroom where you can dry your hands only with hand driers (on the front wall).

Most surprising of all is the sign outside the door reading "User Fee: Your Fees at Work," which implied to me that this bathroom gets some sort of special funding. I didn't see this in the Desert View lookout bathroom, though I can say there is a definite difference between the cleanliness of that one and this one.

However, with that special funding help, you wonder why everything here is so antiquated. No automatic flush, old-fashion soap dispensers, old-looking sinks. It's very dated here. Why? Even the amenities at the Desert View lookout bathroom were considerably more modern -- and they didn't have special funding. What gives?

Marks out of 10:

6. A decent, though unremarkable, place for a pit stop. The amenities are quite antiquated, though.

Comments to the Management:

How about making those fees do a little more? How about some color on the walls, like images of the canyon and such? And how about updating the urinals and sinks -- these look like they are the same ones that catered to visitors from 1954.

Outhouse #11: Grand Canyon's Desert View Bathroom More Cave-like Than Desert-Like

Grand Canyon National Park
Desert View Bathroom
P.O. Box 129
Grand Canyon, AZ USA
www.nps.gov/grca/

Where is it?

When coming from the west into Grand Canyon National Park, and using HWY 64 as your entrance route, Desert View is the first viewpoint you will come across.

Once there, park your car in the vast lot found there and make your way to the canyon itself. As you walk, you'll see signs leading you to the bathroom, which will be the first building (it's a gray concrete building) you'll come across while heading towards the canyon. If you reach the Desert View Trading Post, you've gone too far -- turn around and go into the building behind that -- that's the bathroom.

What's it like?

Those coming in from the park's main entrance sometimes forget to journey to this part of the park, mostly because its the furthest east of all the viewpoints and away from the central action of the Grand Canyon Village. That's not to say it isn't crowded -- it's very busy, but tame in respects to the hustle and bustle found in the Village, which is downright urban by comparison.

Also, Desert View's vantage is not as epic as some of the others, as the view asks you to look left, into the canyon, instead of giving you the epic canyon view most people expect to see the canyon hit them head on the instant they step up to the rim (like at Grandview Point, Mather Point, Yavapai Point and the view of the canyon from El Tovar Lodge, my favorite of the lot). Not that it isn't vast, it's just that viewers has to work a little from this POV. Also, it offers terrific vistas of the desert beyond the canyon, including shots of many of the tall mountains you've just driven through to get here.

Still, the stop has a distinctive western feel. It's sandy, brown, and is centered around the Desert View Watchtower, which is historic stone observation tower filled with Native American crafts. It boasts some terrific views into the canyon (best for looking out into the desert, if you're asking me); just be willing to climb up to the top (about 50 steps, essentially) to experience. There's also a "trading post" here, though it's nothing more than a quick bite cafe and souvenir shop for tourists.

The toilets here are found in a monolithic gray building that kind of ruins the western vibe of the place. It's a large facility, with the women's room being on the back end (length-wise) and the men's room being closer to the main path.

The setup is pretty Teutonic: There's a front and back entrance, and essentially the offerings mirror each other from the entrance inward. Going inside, you first come across a small sink station, featuring two white porcelain sinks and two small mirrors overhead. Each sink has an old-fashioned pump soap dispenser above it (not quite as antiquated as what was found at the Red Canyon Visitors Center, but close). Some hand driers are fixed to the walls to the side of the sinks.

Behind that, closer to the center of the bathroom and behind a concrete half-wall divider, is a string of urinals, separated by beige-painted metal dividers. These are also white porcelain but do not have an auto-flush feature (which puts them in the same boat as the bathroom at the Zion Canyon Main Entrance Toilets in terms of non-environmentally friendly bathroom items being employed here).

Beyond that, taking up the center of the bathroom, is a row of about eight toilet stalls, each separated by your basic beige-painted metal stall walls. Again, nothing special here. And the pattern continues on the other side, with the urinals following the stalls and then the sinks again.

Unlike the Zion Canyon Main Entrance Toilets, which have a similar layout, the room here is long and lit by a row of windows built just below the roof line. Not too dim, really, though on a cloudy day you can see it becoming very shadowy here.

The walls and floor are painted concrete, and both doors on both sides of the place were wide open upon my arrival, making the place pretty drafty in its central walking areas. Not as drafty as the air-tunnel-like experience I had at the Southwest Indian Traders, but not far off.

Also, the tunnel-like design here lends a strong echo to whatever is said. If you're talking by the entrance, even if you're just outside the door, and even if you're not shouting, expect your voice to be carried down the way. More than anything, this is a cave.

But the draftiness eliminates most of the odors and the place was clean enough too, though there was some water spillage on the floors and a general dankness to the air of it (again, very cave-like).

Marks out of 10:

6. A definite step above the Zion Canyon Main Entrance Toilets, but not by much.

Comments to the Management:

The place is pretty drab in design and decor, so a little playfulness (some wall decor, etc.) might make it more comfortable. If not that, then at least consider closing the doors some so it isn't so drafty and the conversations of the people outside aren't as noticeable to the people inside.

Outhouse #10: Four Corners Port-O-Let No Different Than Other Port-O-Lets (Including Those at Expensive Wedding Banquets)

Four Corners National Monument
Port-O-Let #430
PO Box 2520
Window Rock, AZ USA
navajonationparks.org/htm/fourcorners.htm

Where is it?

Pretty easy to find. Just look for the Visitors Center. To the right of that is a stand for Navajo Fry Bread.

Walk between the Visitors Center Building and Fry Bread stand and you'll find a row of port-o-potties. (In fact, a circle of port-o-potties surround all the stands here.) Look for #430 and you've found the one I visited. Woohoo!

What's it like?

Four Corners National Monument has a sort of mythic standing in my life, as it seems to be one of the few places many people who have traveled across the U.S. have been, and of it they always say the same thing: "Eh, it's kind of a let down."

After visiting finally, I now understand what they mean by that statement.

What the monument itself is is just a point in U.S. geography, and when you visit you see a small cross hair marking indicating where Colorado, Utah, New Mexico and Arizona meet. That's it.

There's another Four Corners in the U.S., of course -- one in Virginia that brings together that state, West Virginia, Maryland and Washington, D.C. (click here if you're interested in the location of that one) but that one never receives as much press, perhaps because the landscape isn't as barren (can't say for sure, since I've never been that one).

Anyway, this experience is mostly about the "been there, done that" variety. The land itself is owned by the Navajo nation, and to get in you pay $3 per car to get in. You park, you go up to a small area surrounded by flags that holds a marker where the four states intersect, you take your picture, stand on the marker, take pictures of others in your party standing on the marker, peruse the stalls (about 20 in all) selling fry bread, T-shirts or various Navajo knickknacks, go into the Visitors Center for a short spell (which has a brief history of the place, along with more knickknacks for sale), use the port-o-potty and leave.

That's about it. Takes 15 minutes at most per visit, as long as you don't have to wait long to take your picture. If you see tour buses there, then you may want to be patient (or pushy) with your picture-taking.

Yes, a bit of a let down, but then again you're kind of glad you went because at least you can say you've been there and now you can honestly tell other people who are contemplating visiting it that it really isn't worth a stop unless it's on your way somewhere.

And of course, they in turn will say treat your remarks just as I treated the ones I was greeted with before my visit. So it goes.

Anyway, the port-o-let I visited here, like the monument itself, was nothing special. A standard port-o-let, through and through. It was about as clean as any port-o-let gets on the inside. Beige plastic unit with beige plastic walls, a beige plastic swinging door with a metal hinge lock on the door, a side receptacle for peeing, a central toilet filled with blue chemical water and mounds of human waste. And two full rolls of toilet paper, which indeed is a a rarity for port-o-lets, since their toilet paper supplies tend to run out.

The pee receptacle was crusted with various dried elements, making that a bit of a ghastly site. As was the sheer mammoth amount of waste in the toilet hole itself.

But the smell wasn't any worse than any of the other outhouses I've been to and in some ways it was a bit cleaner than some of the indoor toilets I've been too -- though not by much.

Even more amusing, I thought, was that this outhouse was more out in the open than the horrid toilet I visited at the Southwest Indian Traders (about 25 minutes away), which was attached to a building, yet this port-o-let was far less shoddier in in terms of construction and far less draftier than that one. Go figure.

As a bonus, it should also be worth stating that the port-o-let here was no better or worse than the one I experienced at a fancy wedding in Winter Park, FL some years back. Which of course tells me that the port-o-let experience does not change across income brackets. Spend more, spend less -- it's still a port-o-let, right? Right.

Well, except maybe for one thing: The Four Corners port-o-let I visited had GPS tracking, and the one I visited at the fancy wedding in Winter Park, FL did not. For that alone, I give the edge to this one.

Marks out of 10:

3.

Comments to the Management:

It's a port-o-let and doesn't try to be anything else, so what's there to recommend?

Outhouse #9: Southwest Indian Traders Home to World's Shoddiest and Draftiest Toilet

Southwest Indian Traders
3840 US Hwy 160-491
Cortez, CO USA

Where is it?

Not in the store.

Rather, when facing the front entrance, head to the right (southeast) side of the building. At the end of the front corner, turn left. You'll find two abandoned 1950s-styled T-birds (at least, that's what they looked like), sitting one in behind the other against the side of the building. Behind them, in a second building, is a rust-covered storage area and garage -- don't go there.

Rather, walk past the two cars (to the right of them sit two wooden frames to tipis, each of which in their center have the rusted framework of what looks like a Civil War-era cannon or some piece of dilapidated farming equipment or something (couldn't tell, they were that rusted and decomposed), and towards the dramatic landscape of the Mesa Verde plain behind that.

At the far end of the main building, you'll see a scary-looking door to your left which leads to a small little closet that's been built onto the outside of the building. That's the bathroom. No fooling. And yes, it's pretty scary inside.

What's it like?

This artifact and souvenir shop located about 10 minutes south of Cortez, CO is a nice, humble warehouse-style building filled with an assortment of area-made Indian crafts (by the Ute tribe, which inhabits the region). Prices are reasonable and the personnel is pretty friendly. A very casual place that doesn't seem to put on my airs about what it sells and who it sells it to, but still pleasant enough.

I wish I could say the same about the bathroom here. This is a small closet room built onto the side of the building as an afterthought. There isn't much here in terms of offerings or niceties. There's a white porcelain toilet that looks like it was picked up on the cheap, a brown and white patterned porcelain sink that looks like it was purchased on closeout or donated, a roll of toilet paper (only one), and a few pipes that extend from the ceiling into the sink and commode respectively -- some of which are supported by rubber bands and straps.

Clearly, this is where the tourists are directed to by the staff in their time of need, as there isn't another place to visit for miles on this road. I imagine the employees' toilet inside is much nicer. Not that this place is very dirty. It isn't. It's just not tended to. And that's very apparent the instant you step inside.

Looking up, you can see where the roof rafters were extended to make room for this place, along with plenty of coagulated dust and some leftover spider webs. There are no walls, just support beams to the main building and two-by-fours. The floor is concrete -- part of the concrete terrace that wraps around the place and also doubles as its foundation -- and is stained in parts from water and other forms of spillage. The door is just a piece of plywood slapped onto some other pieces of plywood as a means to create a chamber, and it has a sliding latch to lock it, nothing more. A lone light bulb hangs above everything -- the only light here, outside of the natural light, that is. Beneath the sink is a bucket lined with a plastic supermarket bag -- not sure if it's supposed to be the place's trash can or if it's there to catch any water seeping out of the plumbing.

This makeshift construction, of course, gives you little separation from the outside world. Being this is mountain country, the air is pretty drafty, and while you're sitting on the pot here, already feeling pretty gross about the situation you've found yourself in, and you feel the wind blow through the cracks in the walls and against your bare skin, believe me that you feel very naked and exposed to the world. It gets pretty drafty and cold in there, that's for sure. Likewise, you hear the traffic pretty loudly when it passes on the highway outside.

Really, this is the shoddiest bit of construction I've encountered since my visit to the Zion Canyon Main Entrance Toilets and Babys R Us in Orlando -- and those places look downright palatial compared to this one.

Of course, I've labeled this place as an outhouse when in a way it really isn't -- it has indoor plumbing (well, sort of -- the toilet flushes, but no water comes from the faucet when you turn it, so make sure you've got some hand sanitizer with you, because you'll need it). But you feel the elements so much here that in a way it can also be considered an outhouse -- only there are many other outhouses I'd prefer to visit over this "indoor" facility.

On the plus side, there is little of foul smell here -- but that's mostly because the draftiness of the place ensures odors don't stay inside the chamber for long. I guess that's a plus, right?

Marks out of 10:

1. A truly terrible experience -- a sad compliment to an otherwise charming knickknack store.

Comments to the Management:

Clearly, this room isn't a priority to you, so I'm not sure what could be done to fix it up if you don't care about it.

Perhaps the easiest thing to do is to just put up a proper outhouse in the parking lot, which would actually offer considerable more comfort. Then again, those things can be expensive, so perhaps the thing to do is put up some drywall to hide the plumbing and rafters, put in a proper garbage can, make sure the water to the sink actually runs, seal up the gaps in the door, and perhaps even put up a poster or two on the wall to add a bit of local color to the place. As is, it's probably the worst toilet I visited this year, sorry to say.

Outhouse #8: Delicate Arch Viewpoint Toilet Comfortable But Crowded

Arches National Park
Delicate Arch Viewpoint Outhouse
2282 Resource Blvd
Moab, UT USA
www.nps.gov/arch/

Where is it?

Follow the main road through Arches National Park until you get to the Delicate Arch Viewpoint stop. Note: This is not to be confused with the Delicate Arch trail stop, which lets you hike to the arch itself. This is for the viewpoint, which lets you look at the arch from about 500 feet away.

The outhouse itself is located in the parking lot of the viewpoint area. Really, you can't miss it, since it's the only building there (unless you count the many campers you'll come across).

What's it like?

Delicate Arch is the most famous arch in Arches National Park, mostly because it stands alone atop a sandstone ridge as if posing for photographers. It does indeed look very delicate and is quite amazing to marvel at, considering that it's the result of wind erosion. Though, upon closer inspection (and I didn't walk up to it, only looked at it from the viewpoint areas), you can see that it's really quite mammoth in size (compared to the people standing beside it), which in a way makes me think it's a lot sturdier than its name suggests. Regardless, an amazing site.

The viewpoint area isn't much more than that. There are two trails to be taken here -- one that goes about a half mile, and is flat and gravel graded, and lets you look at the arch from a bottom vantage. Not a great view, but not bad and certainly mindful of those who can't make the actual hike to the arch or take the other trail here.

The second trail is about a mile long and starts out easily enough but soon takes an upward turn, with some steep inclines, taking you up to a higher vantage that lets you look at the arch from the top of a ridge that's just across a small valley from the arch itself. This was a pretty hard hike, mostly because you expected it to be easier after tackling the first one. But the inclines are steep and the heat of the park gets to you, making it a much more strenuous walk than you first expected.

Ironically, the views aren't that different from above vs. the one below, which makes me wonder why I just didn't take the plunge and hike to the arch itself. I imagine the hike couldn't have been much more strenuous than what we already did to get to the higher viewpoint.

Anyway, the outhouse in the parking lot here is definitely a step up from some of the other outhouses we've visited. Not quite on par with the one visited at Rainbow Point in Bryce Canyon, which was borderline divine, but not to far off from that level of quality either.

As with the other outhouses we've visited, this one is pretty simplistic in design: Small chamber with a compost toilet, a toilet paper dispenser, some handicap support beams, a vent in the wall and a warning sign, asking you not to throw trash down the toilet.

About the sign: This one, actually, was a bit more honest in its message than the others we've seen, reading, "PLEASE do not throw trash in toilet. It is extremely difficult to remove. THANK YOU."

Ironically, the bathroom also had a trash can in it, to help people fulfill this request -- something nearly all other outhouses seem to lack. Normally, the trash can is outside them, but it actually makes more sense to have it inside here. Go figure.

The walls here are white, and the floor is blue-painted concrete. The commode sits on a little step/elevated area on the floor, which looks nice but actually may cause trouble for those with shorter legs. This is not one of those environments, really, where you dangle your feet over the side and have your legs touching the side of the commode -- these are unisex environments, so you always have to be mindful about men who miss the mark.

On the whole, the place is pretty clean and odor-free -- and I give the designers kudos on the later, seeing that the toilet itself is placed right next to a vent in the wall. Sure, there is a tinge of urine here, but that vent really does a good job in airing the place out some.

Little things like that elevate the experience, to be honest. But be warned that this is one of the most popular stops in the park, and it is very crowded here. There was a line for the toilet when I visited, which kept me waiting a little longer than I would have liked (not like you can just pee on a rock somewhere, because the area itself doesn't have many spots for privacy, no trees and such).

Also, once you're inside, you can hear the people outside quite well, and if they're in a hurry to get in, they will not be shy about sharing those thoughts with it. And if you've got some noisy rumblings in your tummy that are waiting to get out, they will hear every last pop out of you.

Of course, your options are limited here, but it's still something to consider when planning your visit.

Marks out of 10:

7. A comfortable outhouse with some simple, yet well-planned, design improvements. If only the outside world wasn't so apparent inside. Still, this is a better place to visit than some indoor bathrooms I've been to.

Comments to the Management:

Not sure what to recommend here. If you could increase the quiet factor and separate the outside world from the inside world better, that would be great. But at the same time, this is just an outhouse, and it has to stay as that.... so I'm clueless here, I'm afraid.