Brit Pub Blues

Cricketers Arms Pub
8445 International Drive
(in the Mercado Marketplace)
Orlando, FL USA
http://www.cricketersarmspub.com/

Where is it?

This British-style pub is set in the somewhat tacky -- yet somewhat dilapitated -- Mercardo Marketplace mall in Orlando, which in itself is in the heart of International Drive, Orlando's tacky tourist-driven strip. The pub has two main entrances -- one from the mall itself and one from the parking lot. To get to the loo from the parking lot, go through the entrance, past the outdoor bar, into the inside bar and immediately turn left, down a narrow corridor that's just before the dining room. The men's and ladies' rooms are about 10 feet down the hall, on your left.

If you missed the hallway coming from the outdoor entrance, you will then end up in the main dining room -- which means you can then follow the same directions to the loo as those coming from the mall. In this case, you enter and face the dining room. Directly ahead of you is a performance stage (there's live music here about every night) and a projection TV. To the right is inside bar. Walk to the stage and go to the left of it. Once past it, go right down a small hallway there -- the bathrooms will be about 10 feet down the hall. (Go left and you hit the outside bar area.)

What's it like?

The restaurant puts much effort into giving the interior the look and feel of a historic British pub. You've got wooden beams on the ceiling. Wooden walls covered with soccer medals. True draught beer on tap. Decent fish and chips and other pub grub. Etc.

Yet the bathrooms are of the standard white-wall variety you'd find in any mall, save for a few beer signs peppered about. My visit features some pungent urine-based aromas, as well as a a floor covered with water and paper towels. The fixtures could have used a scrubbing, as could have the toilet. Given the fact that there aren't many true bars on Internantional Drive (most are part of restaurants or inside hotels), and given the high quantity of Brits who visit the area, I can only imagine that the bathroom here gets increasely more dirty as the evening progresses.

Marks out of 10:

4.

Comments to the Management:

A little more monitoring of the place's cleanliness will do wonders here. Then again, judging by my counterpart David's comments on the pubs he visits across the Pond, perhaps the status of the bathrooms here are pretty commonplace.

Boogers Found on Wall of Bathroom at Cinemark Festival Bay Movie Theater

Cinemark Festival Bay Mall
5150 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA
www.cinemark.com

Where is it?

There are several bathrooms located inside this movie theater. This one is located in the far right (eastbound?) wing of the theater itself.

To get there, enter through the lobby and, after handing your ticket to the usher, veer off to the right and down the main hallway there leading to the theaters in that end of the establishment.

As you go, you'll immediately pass the main concession stand on your left, as well as the entrances to one of the the theater's larger stadiums (there's another, similar one on the other end of the concession stand) then a small hallway leading to three or four smaller theaters (which will be on your right). Keep going straight, until you hit the back wall (you'll pass a smaller concession stand on your left as you walk, though this one is often closed), which itself places you dead center in another longer hallway, which has six or so theaters to each side.

Go left and you'll see the restroom sign hanging from the ceiling. Turn left when you reach the sign and go right for the men's room and left for the women's.

What's it like?

This is a decent, standard multiplex theater slapped at the very end of Orlando's International Drive, the city's primary non-Disney-based tourism strip. The theater itself is one of the cornerstone businesses in the Festival Bay Mall, which has several worthwhile stores and eateries (my favorite in the mall being Fuddruckers) but also houses a number of empty storefronts, which makes shopping there a touch on the unsettling side. (The mall itself is across the street from Texas de Brazil and Orlando's Prime Outlets -- formerly the Belz Outlets -- which covers several blocks of real estate with various stores.)

The theater complex itself is dimly lit and filled with golden hues and old-movie-parlor touches, even though you can tell it's a very new building in every respect. Seats are comfortable (though have a shorter back than what I would prefer) and all theaters themselves are setup with stadium seating, so you don't have to contend much with people blocking your view. Picture and sound quality are pretty good, and usually matinees are not very crowded (unless it's the opening weekend of a major release). It's also a good place to while away a few hours if you're in the area and don't feel like shopping but your friends, out-of-town visitors or guests do.

The bathrooms, upon first impression, seem pretty classy -- though that impression is ruined upon closer inspection.

At first, they are classy looking, with beige tile covering the lower wall, a wavy, textured off-white tile covering the upper wall and an ornately carved bronze-like tile forming a mid-wall divider between the two. A large-squared contrasting off-white tile covers the floor.

It's a large environment, long and stretching but not too narrow, and well-spaced. About eight or so urinals hang along the left wall (if facing the back wall), and a stretch of four or so toilet stalls stand opposite them in the far corner of the place. Brown metal dividers separate the stalls but the urinals have no privacy barriers between them, which leaves you a bit open to peepers if you're standing at them and someone comes in.

There is a multi-station vanity, with a bland brick-colored granite counter and some white porcelain embedded sinks, in the front right of the room. Three automatic hand dryers hang on the wall opposite the vanity. The vanity itself is nothing special, the same sort of setup as I've seen (most recently) at places like Animal Kingdom (at the bathrooms near the Flame Tree Restaurant, for example) and (on a smaller scale) Whole Foods Winter Park. This one has manual faucets and soap pumps though.

Spend a little time at the vanity and that classy first impression starts to waver. While I didn't find it waterlogged (perhaps because I attended the first screening of the day on my visit and seemed to be one of the first to enter the facility), I did find that one of the soap dispensers had become unglued from the stretch mirror behind the vanity and was laying dead on the counter, alongside bits of plastic that had broken off in the fall. Certainly this needs to be fixed.

The toilet stalls were clean, but the walls of the stall I entered were speckled with bits of goo, which I can only assume are boogers flicked on the wall from a previous visitor. Pretty gross.

If that weren't enough, the latches to the stall door I found myself behind was pretty greasy on the edges, as if years of finger grease has accumulated on it from people sliding it back and forth so many times.

These little things, I'm sorry to say, made the experience less than savory and made me hurry with my business, for fear of what other items the cleaning crew had overlooked might appear here.

Marks out of 10:

6. Would be an 8 if it were not for the greasy latch, felled soup dispenser and boogers on the wall.

Comments to the Management:

The soap dispenser is an easy fix -- just mount it right and move on. But the greasy latch and boogers make me think that your cleaning crew just focuses on the main target items (toilets, vanity, floor) and not the rest of the place. Time to do a head-to-toe scrubbing of the place.

Doubletree Castle's Elegance Will Surprise You

Doubletree Castle Hotel
8629 International Dr.
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.doubletreecastle.com

Where is it?

From the back entrance, go towards the elevators, turn right and head towards the front desk, then head left, towards the front entrance. The bathrooms are found on each side of the door, men's on the right, women's on the left. (Or, if coming in from the front entrance -- facing International Drive -- they are to either side of you once you come inside.)

What's it like?

This hotel, located in the middle of Orlando's tourism district, is shaped like a castle, and from the outside you'd think it will be as tacky and ridiculously over-the-top as the ridiculous Excalibur Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. But step inside and you'll find a place that doesn't let it's decor overtake its charm or practicality. Sure, it's filled with castle-inspired decor, but the presentation of those items is done tastefully, even understatedly, giving the hotel a touch of unexpected elegance.

The bathrooms extend that medieval decor but also mix in many modern flourishes -- which heightened the experience tremendously. Marble tile covers the floor and walls. The urinals are separated by thick barriers, offering plenty of privacy to anyone using them. The stall feels more like an isolated room than part of the actual bathroom, thanks to full-sized doors. The main sinks are automatic and covered with thick marble. (The stall sink had a pedastal sink with a classy "magic mirror" hanging above it.) Also, the place offers real towels to dry your hands with -- and you drop off your dirty towels (or picked up new ones) in a dark wood-carved hamper set to the side of the main sinks.

Marks out of 10:

10. Truly regal public toilets. Unexpectedly so!

Comments to the Management:

Keep up the good work.

Cafe Tu Tu Tango Offers Crammed, Intentionally Uncomfortable Facilities

Cafe TuTu Tango
8625 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.cafetututango.com

Where is it?

Kind of hard to find, considering the many distractions found here. From the main entrance, go straight, until you reach a central island where you'll find a local painter (or group of painters) hard at work creating new art.

From there, veer left of the bar and start working your way to the left of the building. While walking, look up, at the paintings on the wall, and look for one above a small hallway beside a waitress station that reads "Restrooms." That should take you there, provided a belly dancer or other free-floating entertainer doesn't lead you astray (which may happen).

What's it like?

This tapas bar chain offers inventive food, cool cocktails and a major bohemian theme -- best displayed in the countless paintings and other works of art hanging on the walls, and the many artists hired to create their works before you (which doubles as live entertainment here). Naturally, to give more authenticity to the chaotic bohemian mindset here, the place also houses an air of grunginess about it -- hey, this is a place supposedly founded by starving artists who want to pay $7 for a glass of domestic beer, so why not be a little realistic, right?

Ironically enough, nowhere is that better exemplified than in the bathrooms. The walls here are covered with a mixture of mosiac tiles and grafitti. The main area of the restroom, where the sink (really, just a large trough with oversized faucets) and urinals are located, is spacious and quirkly, but its also a bit too roomy, considering that most people stopping in for a pee aren't looking to be so out in the open when they want to do their business.

Also, an empty easel stands opposite the urinal in that main room, giving one the impression that a painter will be along shortly to capture the moment. Ick.

The stalls are the exact opposite of that front room: Exceedingly narrow. I imagine those of us who have larger proportions will have much trouble doing their business here, let alone fitting inside. (I'm not that big and I had trouble!) Then again, this is a place designed by starving artists, so perhaps the stall size is appropriate.

Marks out of 10:

4. Inventive, sure, but the thematic ties are way too involved, so much so that going here becomes more bothersome than relieving.

Comments to the Management:

I don't mean to sound like a codger, but can you tone it down some here?

Sleuth's Main Lobby Toilets Definitely a Step Up from Theater Facilities

Sleuths Mystery Dinner Show
8267 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819
www.sleuths.com

Where is it?

These toilets are located in the gift shop area of this dinner theater attraction. To get to them, enter the gift shop/bar area and mosey your way to the back of the place. Follow the bar, keeping it on your left, until you see a hallway in the back baring signs for the bathrooms.

Note: You'll find many silly gifts and gag items along the way. Try not to get distracted, especially if you're in dire need to go. Otherwise, the joke will be on you (get it?).

What's it like?

Unlike the toilets in the actual dinner theaters here, which are small and often water-soaked (especially by the end of a performance), these facilities are spacious, clean and comfortable -- and they proved reminiscent of the facilities I experienced at the Big Boy diner in Altamonte Springs, albeit this one has black tile highlights and that one has red. Go figure.

Visitors here can expect to find white tile on the floor and walls (the latter features those black highlights), a black marble counter top with metallic sink and glossy mirrored vanity, white urinals and toilets and black stalls. Not bad at all -- and as I said, a complete 180-degree turn from what you'll find inside the actual dinner theater toilets, which (as I said already) aren't all that nice to begin with. (You'd expect the opposite, since the dinner theater units get more traffic, but that isn't the case.) And though the environment is a bit sterile and cold, it's still a welcome change from what you'll find in those theater rooms. Ick.

Best still: My visit occurred after the show, so it was private, clean and comfortable (it was nearly midnight, so I imagine the cleaning crew had already made a pass). Only my friend Kip McGuire, who attended the show with me (along with some of our other friends -- it was a mutual friend's birthday party) barged in while I was there -- which ultimately made for an amusing, somewhat foul-mouthed photo opp. Ha ha ha!

Marks out of 10:

8. Should be a 7, but it was such a refreshing and welcome change of pace from the toilets in the dining room theater that I had to increase the score a little.

Comments to the Management:

Thank you for allowing me to step into a clean bathroom after such a dreary show and meal...... It was the best part of the evening, actually.

Wood Obsession Nearly Goes Too Far at Oishi

Oishi Ultimate Japanese Cuisine
11025 International Drive
Suite A
Orlando, FL USA 32821

Where is it?

From the front entrance, head all the way to the back of the restaurant, staying just right of the bar/teppanyaki grill set up in the rear of the restaurant. Go through the hallway in the very back and you'll find the restrooms.

What's it like?

Very woody. The decor here contains countless variations of natural wood -- from glossed over tree trunks that serve as tables to natural looking wooden chairs to wall decor made of bamboo and bark... You get the idea. The wood here is made to look natural, not manufacturer. It's kind of neat as a conversation piece, and kind of cool-looking at first.

But it also makes eating here a little tricky because the natural wood gives odd shapes to the tables, and that means that one side of the table will often be wide or thick and the other narrow, thin and unusuable -- and that means one side of the table can eat in comfort while the other must eat with the constant fear that he or she might drop someting onto the floor by accident. Most of the food served here is delicate in nature already, so asking the diner to take extra care in eating it seems a bit too much of an imposition. My companion had soup here, and because he was seated at the narrow part of the tree trunk table he almost spilled it on himself several times before finally giving up and getting it to go. I, on the other hand, sat at the fat part of the trunk and had little to no troubles.

Given this, I was very fearful of what the toilets might look like. Would the toilet seat be wide on one end and thin on the other? Would the sink have unusuable faucets?

Thankfully, no! The toilet and sink were standard white porcelain, and the room itself was laid out nicely in dark brown tiles and dark wood trim. But the decor was still decidedly wooden, whether it was the authentic Japanese carvings or the odd-looking found-wood sculptures there. Either way, it made the restaurant's wood theme feel a little thick -- and that feeling continued when I returned to my table, where I started to get a little sick of the wood. Can we have a little practicality here, please?

Marks out of 10:

7. Imagination is there but the wood idea's a little too overpowering.

Comments to the Management:

Perhaps a little more understatement might help.

Tropical Paradise at Tommmy Bahama

Tommy Bahama Cafe
9101 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819

http://www.tommybahama.com/

Where is it?

Harder to find that you might think. From the maitre d' stand, face the restaurant's bar area. Walk straight towards the back wall, keeping the bar on your left, until you enter the small corridor on the back wall, just right of the waitress station on the back wall. The bathrooms are in there.

What's it like?

Very comfortable. The restaurant carries a modern-yet-old-fashioned island decor to it, with lots of ceiling fans, bamboo decor, plantation-styled walls, deep, dark woods and tropical colors. It's like one huge funiture commercial come to life, really.

The toilets extend that decor, offering urinals that stretch to the floor and are divided by the same sort of wooden shutters you'd find on the outside of a Caribbean mansion and stalls that use those same shutters as doors. Very spacious, quiet, clean. The sink has shiny metallic fixtures done in an antique fashion (again, adding to the motif), and the tilework mimics the tropical colors of the dining room. Bonus points for the coconut-scented air freshener their pipe into the place (and, to a lesser degree, into the dining room).

The only misstep was in the urinal separator itself, which was a little loose in its support and flapped a bit as I was peeing. Slightly jarring, even in a tropical sense. The urinal separator isn't a banana leaf, after all!

Marks out of 10:

9. Close, but no cigar, thanks to that flapping separator.

Comments to the Management:

Fix that urinal separator and you're as golden as a tropical ray of light.

Thumbs Up For Rangetsu

8400 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA
http://www.rangetsu.com/


Where is it?

Go over the bridge from the car park and through the main doors. Head left towards the reception – the toilets are directly to the right through the door.


What’s it like?

Rangetsu has to be my favourite restaurant in Orlando itself. It has style and good food to boot. My advice is to sit at the Sushi bar and watch your meal being made, you’ll also be able to get the advice of the chef on what’s good that day. Still, if you take a table the variety of food you can order is greater and you’ll have a little more comfort.

I’ve been here two or three times and never had the need to stop by the toilets. I wasn’t expecting much as the restaurant speaks for itself and guessed they didn’t need to put too much effort into the conveniences. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

These toilets get a big thumbs up from Eyal, and I have to agree. Good quality tile back up the urinals, to give a comfy but stylish air. The double sink is spacious with individual soap dispensers that fit nicely by the tap. Even the paper towels are of a quality I rarely see elsewhere. But what has to top it off is the bonsai tree. OK, you have to question if it is plastic or not. Still, the thing is it is the first plant in a toilet that I’ve seen that actually works. This is not the usual insignificant, half dead, nonsense that you often see passing as a plant in a rest room. It sits there small, alive and proud, perfectly appropriate for its setting. Mr. Miyagi would be proud!


Marks out of 10:

9 for style and efficiency.


Comments to the management:

Cool toilets to go with great food – and a plant that adds to the rest room – we couldn’t ask for more.

What's with the Foot Cream, Nile?

Nile Ethiopian Resturant [sic]
7040 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819

http://www.nile07.com

Where is it?

The dining room is separated into two rooms, a main room with a majority of the tables and a center area filled with traditional Ethiopian textiles and woven baskets, and a side area with just tables. You enter in the main room, which as a bar at the back. Head towards the bar, but right before you get to it you'll see a small opening leading to the second room (to your right). Go into the second room, turn left immediately, and go to the rear of the restaurant. The bathrooms will be there.

What's it like?

This a very humble restaurant that's obviously been decorated by the owners. The paint job is patchy in parts, as are the way the decorative archways have been carved in the dining room. Not badly done, mind you, but not professionally done either. Coupled with the fine food and friendly service, the combined effect has you feeling like you're entering someone's home more than a restaurant. The only distracting factor during our visit was the constant barrage of 70s dance tunes that played on the sound system. (According to the owner, the place hopes to do more nightlife entertaining and this is his way of getting started -- though it seems the place is too modest at the moment to accommodate anything more than what it is.)

Given that, the bathrooms prove an extension of the dining room decor. You can tell the walls were painted by the owners, and the tile work was laid down by someone who doesn't do it professionally. Corners aren't edged properly. Tile is a little crooked here and here. But still, the overall experience was comfortable. It's a clean, serviceable toilet through and through.

The only mystery here was a tube of foot cream I found atop the soap dispenser by the sink. What is foot cream doing here? Why was it atop the soap dispenser -- a hands only place if there was one. (This is a restaurant where you don't use utensils -- you eat everything with your hands.) Very perplexing.....

Marks out of 10:

6. Clean and functional, but the presence of foot cream knocks it down a step.

Comments to the Management:

No doubt some touching up is needed -- and you'll need to stay attentive to make certain the toilets don't start sagging in quality as time passes. But more important, please keep your foot cream -- and all other creams -- out of public view. That's just weird!

Dinner Show's Toilets Offer Little Time for "Crime-Solving"

Sleuths Mystery Dinner Show
8267 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.sleuths.com

Where is it?

The restrooms here are easier to find than solving the show's mystery...... We attended a show set in the Sherlock Theatre (one of the business' three theaters). The toilets for it can be reached by following these instructions: From the entrance, cross the entire stretch of the dining room theater, keeping the stage to your left, and head for the small enclave in the back. Enter the enclave and you'll find the toilets.

What's it like?

This is a fun mystery dinner show with decent (albeit not great) food -- but skip that strange onion-cream-cheese spread, ick -- and an emphasis on humor over plot discrepancies. However, for a place that seats 250 people at a time, and one that offers free beer, wine and soda throughout the show's running time, you would expect there to be more toilets here, not just a pair of single one-toilet rooms. As a result, when going, you often find yourself at the back of a long line, which in turn means you can't pay attention to the show because you don't want to lose your spot. Intermission is worse since the line is exponentially larger.

Worse still, once inside, the impatient people waiting behind you knock repeatedly on the door because they are nearing emergency status. Not exactly a good place to make a long pit stop, if you will.

On the plus side, the bathrooms are clean and well-kept -- an impressive characteristic considering they were in constant use throughout my visit to the show -- a show that is 3 to 4 hours long, may I add! Kudos to the staff (and perhaps even the guests) on keeping it clean.

Marks out of 10:

6. Clean, sure, but all that hustle and bustle and those time limitations make it a sometimes-unnerving bathroom-going experience.

Comments to the Management:

Install more toilets -- or at least install speakers around the bathroom area so people in line for the toilets can hear the show while they're waiting in line. It might make them less cranky and impatient too.

Fuddrucker's -- Home of the Loaf Bun Houses Noisy Facilities

Fuddruckers
Festival Bay Mall
5250 International Drive
Ste E1
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.fuddruckers.com/

Where is it?

The bathrooms are easy to locate -- they're in the appropriately labeled ("Restrooms") hallways located behind the salad bars -- but getting to them can be difficult.

If you're coming in from the restaurant's outdoor exit, you need to head all the way through the dining room and then to the right of the salad bar area. If you're coming in from the mall entrance, you need to either cut through the order line (which takes you well out of the way but gives you a good glimpse of the kitchen and meat locker) or steer right, away from the order line, past the bakery (which contains such unique goods as the Loaf Bun (an intimidating loaf-sized version of their already enormous hamburger bun), through the dining room and past the salad bar. Either way, it's a twisty, turny way.

What's it like?

The decor of this franchised burger chain (which makes a fine burger indeed) offers an interior that gives an upscale touch to the traditional diner look. Tables, while still Formica, are colored in sharp yellows and reds (not plain white), various neon signs and symbols are hung all over the walls, and the floors are covered in cool red tiles. As you can expect, the menu is packed with beefy burgers, which range in size from 1/3 lb to 1 lb, as well as steaks, chicken, ostrich, garden burgers and more.

The bathroom extends the decor, with yellow counters, automatic faucets and towel dispensers, gleaming white wall tiles, shiny silver fixtures and pleasant flowery air fresherner smell pumped throughout. (It IS a burger joint, after all.) It's clean, chic, friendly, upscale.

But it's also very noisy. Once inside, you'll notice little audible separation between the bustling dining room and the restroom's interior, and while that makes it ideal for a quick pee (gotta get back outside to finish that mammoth burger, after all) it may prove a little nerve-wracking for anyone in need of a longer visit. (And eating an entire Loaf Bun may result in just such a pitstop, if you know what I mean.)

[Note: Those looking for more privacy should hed to Shepler's Western Outfitters, also in Festival Bay Mall, though don't expect as much thematic character from that bathroom as this one.)

Marks out of 10:

7.

Comments to the Management:

The noise factor is the biggest drawback here. Though this is a design flaw, not something the management can go back and fix.

Yeehaw! Cowboy Commodes these are not!

Shepler's Western Outfitters
5232 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.sheplers.com

Where Is It?

There are a-plenty of distractions in this store, pardner, so don' be lettin' your eyes go astray when you're a-headin' for the latrine. From the main entrance, and facin' the back wall, take the path that heads along the right side of the store. Go past the cashiers (marked "Teller" here and set behind bars, just like in those old banks we used ta have) until you reach a side marked "Restrooms." Enter the hallway below that to seek relief.

What's it like?

As mentioned earlier, the store is filled with sights to see, from rows and rows of boots to racks of cowboy shirts to shelves of knickknacks to displays of hats, among others, and the decor does its a fine job evoking the sense of a western frontier town (albeit a tacky one).

Having said that, the bathrooms show none of this flare. They are plane, white-tiled, boring unisex rooms, and the only Western flare found in them was a couple of photos of old cowboy goofballs stuck on the walls (Gabby Hayes-inspired stuff, if you will). Pretty disappointing, considering the way the store is laid out.

Still, having said that, the restrooms are also very clean and very quiet and they certainly make for a better resting spot (for those of you in need of a longer visit) than some of the other places in the mall, like Fuddruckers, which offer little privacy or seclusion.

Marks out of 10:

6. Very functional, sure, but lacking inspiration.

Comments to the Management:

Need to Westernize the bathrooms more.

Noisy Taverna Opa Toilets Almost Too Rambunctious to Review

Taverna Opa Restaurant
9101 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819
www.tavernaoparestaurant.com

Where is it?

From the main entrance, head left through the chaotic, music and dancer-filled dining room and into the bar area. When you're almost to the back wall of the bar (but not quite at the entrance where you will enter the patio service area), head right down a little hallway there. You'll find the toilets there.

What's it like?

This Greek restaurant chain, which started in Miami and opened a location in Orlando's Pointe Orlando mall in 2007, is a wild and loud place, to say the least. The interior mixes an NYC loft style (bricks, open spaces) with a nightclub vibe, making it a festive place where the kitchen serves hearty Greek specialties beneath an ambiance of flashing lights, sirens and house music pumped so loudly that you will have trouble making conversation with your guests.

If that weren't enough, waiters here tend to stop service a few times an hour to jump up on tables and dance, or throw thousands of paper napkins in the air, or start random conga lines by taking patrons from their seats and adding to the line. Very festive, very loud -- a great place to go if you're with a group that doesn't want t speak a lot while you're there (like my visit here with my grumpy compadre Kip McGuire, as the picture below points out, was clearly more taken by the food than the company).

The food is very good, especially the fresh mezze and the delicious grilled items and seafood. Get the large scampi sauteed in butter, wine and tomatoes if it's on the menu, or the braised lamb shanks. Both are excellent and succulent (as Kip McGuire will surely tell you). Prices are a little on the high side, so keep that in mind while ordering around the menu.

The toilets, ironically enough, are just as boisterous as the dining room -- though, thankfully enough, you won't find waiters interrupting your visit to drag you into a conga line. (Phew.) However, this isn't a quiet spot to escape the hustle and bustle (not like the magical facilities as Wynn Las Vegas, for example). You will hear the house music playing quite prevalently here, and because of the restaurant's festive vibe and modus operandi (i.e. it pushes a lot of drinks upon the clientele) people use the toilets consistently here. So much so that I was only afforded one clean shot of the interior of the bathroom before being burst in upon by a string of frat boys needing to drain the main vein.

The environment itself is decent. Nice rusty beige tile on the floor, beige-colored drywall walls, some black highlights here and there, good lighting, and it was clean for the most part, save for the bits of mis-thrown paper and such. Nothing too terrible. But I do wish it were a little less hectic -- I imagine making a longer pit stop here would be very stressful, what with all the heavy bass beats and the people pounding away at you all the while.....

Marks out of 10:

7. Decent bathrooms, but like the bustling facilities at Soyka's in Miami, they offer little chance to relax and let your guard down, if you know what I mean.

Comments to the Management:

Is there any way to make the bathrooms feel more isolated? Or to turn the music down? I have a headache, just thinking about that pumping bass beat.....

Alila's Got Bangalore's Best Toilets

Alila Bangalore
#100/6, HAL-Varthur
Main Road,
Whitefield, Bangalore – 560066,
India.

Where is it?

You will be drive through the usual security measures on to a gravel drop off point. Exit the car and head toward reception. Keeping the water features to your left continue on and you will find the toilets on the right. Walking in you find sinks to your left, urinals around to your right and the stalls ahead.

What's it like?

Asked by a colleague within an hour of arriving ‘How’s India?’ I replied ‘Bumpy but pleasantly warm’. By the end on my 24 hour trip to Bangalore I guess I’d add mostly unfinished and friendly to that. But then what can you really find out in 24 hours?

Well for one even luxury hotels can be tagged with unfinished. Alila has been open for four months and still has some rooms to be fitted out and the odd finishing to done here and there. But this does not detract from the fact that this is a medium scale well finished hotel. The room was a delight, well finished and thoughtful in its design. The restaurant / bar / lounge areas were pleasant – all situated alongside water features and nicely finished gardens. Throughout the quality of the materials and finish (when finished) stand out as beyond those you would find in any international chain.

So what of the toilets? Well I arrived at 4am and was checking out just before midnight the same day to catch a 3am flight when waiting for a colleague I decided to use the facilities. A propensity for impatience and general grumpiness about toilets might creep in under those circumstances, no? Well these toilets were pretty much faultless and smoothed away any travel induced weariness.

Walking in you are surrounded by polished wood slats before being enveloped in a cool, dark calm. First you are struck by the black floor tile and grey granite sinks. Then by the simplicity of the flowers in the tall narrow vase that brings just enough colour to liven things up.

The urinals are something you’d expect to find in Germany. Toto is isn’t a brand I know – but I suspect the same factory makes fittings for Kohl. Right now you could not tell the difference.

When using the sinks you find the soap in metal dispensers that are pleasing to the touch. Top quality soap with a relaxing scent is provided too. The taps provide a good splash of water pressure – which is just as well given the size of the sinks. And the sinks – I just love these sinks. (Can if fit them in my bag?)

Was I surprised by the quality of these toilets? Given the hotel’s general eye for finish, noI was not. Let’s just say I was reassured that the owners had not left the toilets to be fitted until last or neglected the quality. Rather they had made them central to the experience and equal if not better than their surroundings. Bravo!

Marks out of 10


11 out of 10. Thoughtful design and high quality finish.


Comments to the management

Great toilets. Fantastic service. Now just finish off those odds and ends and you’ll have the business crowd flocking in.

Outhouse #5: Zion's Main Entrance Toilets Almost As Dark and Smelly As Park's Other Facilities

Zion National Park
Main Entrance Toilets
Springdale, UT USA
http://www.nps.gov/zion/

Where is it?

Drive up to the main visitor's center, park, and make your way to the central information building and gift shop.

Along the way, you'll see signs for the toilet -- not the ones inside the visitor center but the building set up amid the outdoor displays and such.

Follow those signs as best you can -- there are many distractions and people around you to divert your path, and the signs on the main path are only partially accurate, as they sometimes tell you to turn left and head into buildings that really aren't the bathrooms.

Either way, eventually after walking in circles some, you'll come across a large wooden building that looks like a stately rangers lodge. That's the toilet -- discernible only by the small man and woman icons found on the main approach and doors. (Clearly, this is a situation where you'd want to have the icons be enormous, like what's done at IKEA Orlando -- something to think about when renovation time comes around.)

What's it like?

On the outside, this place looks stately, classy and old fashioned -- like an upscale log cabin sort of complex, and it instantly reminded me of the Wayne M. Densch Discovery Center toilet at the Central Florida Zoo.

But the similarities end once you step inside. Really, this has more in common with the toilets at the trail head to the Temple of Sinewava area of the park than anything else.

These are dark, cavernous bathrooms, lit mostly by natural lighting via the skylights built beside the main beams in the rafters. Because of the placement of the skylights, the light beaming in has too many angles and corners to contend with before it reaches the common area, and as a result the place is filled with more shadows than it should have, even on a sunny day -- especially daunting in the toilet stalls, believe it or not.

The cave-like feeling extends to the whole place really, which is surprising, considering the size of the place. (It's the most cave-like bathroom I've been in since my stop in Pulkovo International Airport in St. Petersburg, Russia.)

This is a large bathroom, and the setup here is similar to the ones found at the toilets at the Ft. Drum and Port St. Lucie rest stops on the Florida Turnpike. Wooden on the outside but mostly concrete (painted of course) on the inside. You walk in and then choose to go either to the left side or the right side, with both wings housing a similar assembly of offerings -- in this case, it's three toilet stalls along the center wall (the wings are mirrors of each other based off that center wall), three urinals along the outside wall, and a three-sink vanity area to the side of the urinal row.

What interesting is that the toilets, urinals and sinks are all automatic and sensor-driven (the soap pumps on the vanity are not) but there is no semblance of an environmentally friendly toilet system in place -- like what you'd find at IKEA Orlando, Nona Sushi and Whole Foods South Orlando. As a result, the place (with its natural lighting and concrete construction) feels somewhat cheap in construction. Not as bad as, say, Babys R Us, but still cheaper than it should be. Why spend the money on some things but not close the deal, you know?

The toilets, urinals and sinks are all white porcelain. The vanity is similar in setup to its brother at the Kolob Canyon Visitors Center, except this is black in color and that's red and this has three sinks instead of two (which that one has).

The air here is dank and quite ripe with the smell of urine -- just like its cousin near the trail head to the Temple of Sinewava area of the park. Though that one does smell a little worse, if you were to compare them side by side.

This one is a little cleaner, too, but not by much. Though the toilets were automatic, I found a couple with waste still in them, and there was a good deal of spilled water on the vanity and floor.

It's also a noisy place, considering the traffic and the many open areas (screens along the top, by the skylights), making it a surprisingly non-peaceful place to make a pit stop. Lots of echo here, due to the cave-like design. Go figure.

Note: The left half of the bathroom was quieter than the right on my visit and seems to have done less service that day, so I'd opt for that if the choice were presented to me.

Marks out of 10:

5. Further in the park, you expect things to get a little shoddy, but not in the well-traveled and well-manned main entrance, where most of your traffic comes through.

Comments to the Management:

I would insert some regular lighting in the place -- if you're using electric flush systems, I don't see this as being much more of an add on. And perhaps add a fan or two into the mix, just to trump up the ventilation factor -- I know it's an outhouse and should smell a little but not this bad. Really. If you're only going to spend part of the cash you have on amenities, at least make them count.