Soyka's Trendy, Bustling Atmosphere Showcases Classy Mix of Old and New

Soyka Restaurant Cafe and Bar
5556 NE 4th Ct
Miami, FL USA 33137
www.soykacafe.com

Where is it?

Quite a trek from the entrance, since the place (a converted railway station that's now a bustling, hip eatery just north of Miami's downtown area) is literally huge. To get to the bathrooms, head down the left side of the place (leaving from the hostess stand) until you reach the back of the dining room. There, you'll find an open kitchen line. Turn 90 degrees (so you're facing the back corner (the exact opposite corner from where you entered), and head that way. Once you're there, enter a little hallway just past that corner, turn left, and go down about 100 feet. The bathrooms are on the left, in a little enclave that also holds an ATM. It's dark back there, so use the illuminated ATM screen as a destination marker.

What's it like?

This trendy Miami hot spot used to be a railway station, and the decor here doesn't forget that past. There's an old train station clock against one wall, a slick concrete floor that evokes a late-Industrial Age vibe, and plenty of brass, bronze and pewter lighting fixtures and decorations. Because it inhabits such a large, open space, the dining room is very noisy -- clearly it's a place to mingle and be seen -- and there's an emphasis on cocktails here (the martini menu is huge). The dining menu, in turn, contains many Jewish comfort foods, like matzoh ball soup, liver pate and more. A clever, ironic touch, I thought, especially since you expect such a place to serve trendier fare.

The toilets extend the dining room's motif. This is a dark place, with a two-sink vanity to one side (and an ornately framed mirror hanging above them), two classic urinals (stretching to the floor and without dividers or auto-flush features), and two stalls, one to each side, both behind dark beige stalls that mingle well with the rust-colored tiles on the floor and the deep gray floor tiles. It's a clean place (impressive, considering the place was humming during my visit) and cave-like, because of the lighting and location. It's anything but private-feeling, though. I didn't have much solitude here, and as a result I often felt hurried and even a little disjointed.

Marks out of 10:

7. Great decor, but the busy atmosphere knocks it down a notch. Sometimes, you just want a little peace.

Comments to the Management:

Since the place thrives on its hustle and bustle atmosphere, I would suggest changing the bathrooms so they better prepare people for this. Increase the lighting some so the environment doesn't seem so cave-like. Also, consider piping in some house music -- perhaps at a volume that's a little higher than standard conversation level -- to evoke the spirit of the dining room more here.

Oddities Diminish Laurenzo's Utilitarian Intentions

Laurenzo's Italian Center
16385 W.Dixie Hwy.
N.Miami Beach FL USA 3316

www.laurenzosmarket.com

Where is it?

This is hard to find, and if in doubt you may have to ask for help.

To get to the bathrooms, you'll first need to head to the deli counter (not the meat counter, fish counter, pasta counter, prepared foods counter, breads counter or cookie counter -- which all look alike to some degree). Once there, look for where there's a separation in the bar that's about three feet across (between the deli meats and the olive bar). Go through that separation and into the storage area behind the deli area. Then take an immediate right (if you go straight, you'll be in the storage rooms and meat lockers) and you'll find the bathrooms facing you.

What's it like?

Laurenzo's is a large Italian Market in North Miami that specializes in authentic Italian ingredients, like in-store cured meats, imported prosciutto and porchetta, rare mushrooms, wines, as well as top-quality meats, fish, cheeses, fresh pastas, breads, cookies, imported canned goods and more. There's also a cafeteria located in the main store which offers delicious, authentic Italian-American foods and a fresh produce stand in the plaza across the street from it.

While the store itself is a gourmand's paradise, the bathrooms here aren't much to look at or experience -- and in many ways they feel like an afterthought, something that was tacked on long after the nearby meat lockers were put in place. (You can hear people working feverishly while in here, it should be noted.)

They are small, crammed and a little dingy. White tile covers the floor and walls. The sink and toilets are of the no-nonsense white porcelain variety. The mirror is nailed bluntly to the wall, without much afterthought or even a frame. A red stall door separates the toilet from the rest of the room. Cleanliness-wise: It's a mix-up. On the whole, it's clean (and I suppose this is expected, considering the utilitarian nature of the place), but there's also some grime settled into the grout, which is quite noticeable against the white tile.

Also worth noting: The soap dispenser has been installed at an angle. Not sure if it was supposed to be this way or not, but it's stuck that way (I tried straightening it and it didn't budge). Furthermore, In addition, a sign offering meticulous step-by-step instructions on how to wash your hands hangs beside the sink. I always thought this process was pretty self-explanatory, but I guess for some people a little extra help is needed.

Marks out of 10:

6. The tight quarters and grime-covered tile mar the score here.

Comments to the Management:

While I doubt nothing can be done about the size of the place, it could still use a serious scrub down -- and maybe consider straightening that soap dispenser.

Scuffmarks and Wear and Tear Spoil Comfort Level Some at Cavallari's Toilets

Cavallari Gourmet
1954 W State Road 426
Oviedo, FL USA
www.cavallarigourmet.com

Where is it?

From the front entrance, head left, past the cashier counter to the back wall, which is covered with coolers containing various food and drink. Turn right and head to the back corner of the place, passing the place's meat and deli counters along the way, until you reach a small hallway with a cooking range and grill on your right.

Go down that hallways and you'll find the bathrooms.

What's it like?

This charming neighborhood gourmet store is something of an anomaly in Orlando. Whereas New York or Miami are filled with such businesses (Laurenzo's in North Miami Beach is a favorite), Central Florida foodies seem fonder of gourmet mega-stores like Whole Foods or Fresh Market Orlando than smaller, more community driven stores like this, who make food their passion instead of profit.

Not that I am against Whole Foods or Fresh Market, as they offer regular shoppers in the area some seriously good options, but they also have an impersonal quality about them that makes the shopper feel less appreciated than he or she would at a place like this. When you walk into a smaller establishment like this and the owner remembers you from your previous visit, and then proceeds to mention that he's got something you've just got to try, it means something to the everyday shopper. (Such was my experience at Strollo's in Winter Park, which isn't quite as expansive as this place in terms of gourmet groceries -- the emphasis is more deli-style dining there -- and I received a similar vibe here.)

Visitors here will find a slew of gourmet meats, veggies, fish, imported canned and dry goods, specialty foods prepared in house and much more. In fact the selection is so wide that you'll feel a little claustrophobic walking through the overstuffed aisles. The fish department is one of the freshest I've seen in town and the meats are gorgeous -- particularly the homemade sausages. Another highlight is the collection of homemade pickles, which include everything from traditional cucumber to green beans to watermelon rind. Strolling the aisles here while hungry can be dangerous both to your calorie count and to your wallet (as expected, prices are higher than at a regular supermarket), though foodies won't complain.

Service is friendly and down to earth and accommodating, and I liked how (in waiting for the butcher to tidy my order) the cashiers were quick to offer a snack of BBQ potato skins (salty but addictively delicious) to while away the time. Nice people here and great quality product on the shelves.

Speaking of Strollo's: That's what the bathroom here reminded me of -- with a good pinch of Mama Mia's Italian in Sebastian thrown in. Not exactly the same, mind you, but they capture the same spirit as those.

The toilets are simple one-baggers that have been gussied up some to appear more comfortable than a standard, bland single unit. And they are more comfortable than the standard single unit. But they aren't quite in the same league as, say, Strollo's, which I consider to be a true bathroom milestone in terms of one-baggers.

The upper walls are painted dark red, the lower walls and floor have an off white tile on them. The toilet (no urinal) and sink are your standard white porcelain models. The toilet sits in the back corner of the room, right next to the waste basket (which crowds in a little too tightly to the commode), and the sink sits in the front corner. A soap dispenser, automatic paper towel dispenser and oval mirror hang over the sink, crowding it some. On the walls hang some generic artwork -- classy yet slightly hackneyed still-lifes and pastoral scenes (like what we've seen at La Brazas Chicken, for example, or at El Bodegon, or at the aforementioned Mama Mia's Italian).

It's a clean environment and virtually odor free. The only issues I had were the very noticeable scuff marks on the door (facing in) and some very noticeable chipped paint on the wall above the sink, between the soap dispenser and the mirror. Not the worst case of paint chipping I've seen (the flaky walls at High Tide Harry's come to mind for that) and not the strangest place to find scuffmarks (that would be the Aloma Cinema Grill and the WhyNot Lounge) -- it's pretty clear here that people like to open the door here with their feet, but then again why not just use the handle, you know?

Marks out of 10:

7. A decent bathroom but those scuff marks and that chipped paint drop it a notch.

Comments to the Management:

A wonderful store, that it is. Just need to cover up those scuff marks, tidy up the paint some in the bathroom and move the trashcan a bit further away from the toilet.

Noisy Taverna Opa Toilets Almost Too Rambunctious to Review

Taverna Opa Restaurant
9101 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819
www.tavernaoparestaurant.com

Where is it?

From the main entrance, head left through the chaotic, music and dancer-filled dining room and into the bar area. When you're almost to the back wall of the bar (but not quite at the entrance where you will enter the patio service area), head right down a little hallway there. You'll find the toilets there.

What's it like?

This Greek restaurant chain, which started in Miami and opened a location in Orlando's Pointe Orlando mall in 2007, is a wild and loud place, to say the least. The interior mixes an NYC loft style (bricks, open spaces) with a nightclub vibe, making it a festive place where the kitchen serves hearty Greek specialties beneath an ambiance of flashing lights, sirens and house music pumped so loudly that you will have trouble making conversation with your guests.

If that weren't enough, waiters here tend to stop service a few times an hour to jump up on tables and dance, or throw thousands of paper napkins in the air, or start random conga lines by taking patrons from their seats and adding to the line. Very festive, very loud -- a great place to go if you're with a group that doesn't want t speak a lot while you're there (like my visit here with my grumpy compadre Kip McGuire, as the picture below points out, was clearly more taken by the food than the company).

The food is very good, especially the fresh mezze and the delicious grilled items and seafood. Get the large scampi sauteed in butter, wine and tomatoes if it's on the menu, or the braised lamb shanks. Both are excellent and succulent (as Kip McGuire will surely tell you). Prices are a little on the high side, so keep that in mind while ordering around the menu.

The toilets, ironically enough, are just as boisterous as the dining room -- though, thankfully enough, you won't find waiters interrupting your visit to drag you into a conga line. (Phew.) However, this isn't a quiet spot to escape the hustle and bustle (not like the magical facilities as Wynn Las Vegas, for example). You will hear the house music playing quite prevalently here, and because of the restaurant's festive vibe and modus operandi (i.e. it pushes a lot of drinks upon the clientele) people use the toilets consistently here. So much so that I was only afforded one clean shot of the interior of the bathroom before being burst in upon by a string of frat boys needing to drain the main vein.

The environment itself is decent. Nice rusty beige tile on the floor, beige-colored drywall walls, some black highlights here and there, good lighting, and it was clean for the most part, save for the bits of mis-thrown paper and such. Nothing too terrible. But I do wish it were a little less hectic -- I imagine making a longer pit stop here would be very stressful, what with all the heavy bass beats and the people pounding away at you all the while.....

Marks out of 10:

7. Decent bathrooms, but like the bustling facilities at Soyka's in Miami, they offer little chance to relax and let your guard down, if you know what I mean.

Comments to the Management:

Is there any way to make the bathrooms feel more isolated? Or to turn the music down? I have a headache, just thinking about that pumping bass beat.....

Bathroom at Whole Foods in Winter Park Offers True Oasis -- A Hidden Gem

Whole Foods Market
1989 Aloma Ave
Winter Park, FL
www.wholefoodsmarket.com

Where is it?

The easiest way to find the bathroom here is to head to the cheese department. Once there, walk along the back wall of the place, westward, until you find the dividing line between the milk cooler and the wine racks (which are at the far left of the cheese department).

There, you'll see a service door leading to the storage area behind the coolers; on it is a sign reading, "RESTROOMS. Enter here and turn right."

Do that. Go in and you'll find yourself surrounded by shelves housing the various dry goods sold in the store. Slink past a few shelves until you come to a small hallway opening on your right. Down that hallway are the bathrooms, in an area that looks more like it's a place to shower down factor workers after a hard shift than an entrance to a bathroom.

What's it like?

This Whole Foods, the first built in the Orlando area, is a considerably smaller store than its South Orlando brother. That store is large, with wide aisles, plenty of roomy display areas and lots of bright lighting.

This one is about half the size of that one, if not smaller, and feels very crammed the minute you arrive (comparatively speaking, of course) -- including the parking lot, which doesn't seem well-equipped to handle the traffic load the place demands.

Still, this store offers many of the same items as its South Orlando brother. It's got a modestly sized produce with many fresh offerings (coincidentally, I think this location handles its produce better than the South Orlando store), a string of small counters selling fresh fish, meat and poultry, an assortment of freezers and a slew of aisles containing organic or gourmet dry and canned goods.

Unlike the South Orlando store, the aisles here are much tighter -- and often it's a struggle to get two carts past one another if they meet half way. Also, the lighting in some areas is a bit too dim - especially in the cheese and wine areas, for one. There are also fewer ready-to-eat options -- unlike the South Orlando store, this place doesn't have a grill or BBQ bar, just a small assortment of hot and cold food buffet tables, nothing more. (Though, if my last visit to the South Orlando store is indicative, it seems that location is phasing out those options as well -- apparently the regular clientele there doesn't make use of these facilities enough to keep them around for much longer.)

As a whole, this location packs a lot of punch into its tight quarters but at the same time it has a slight industrial air about it as well -- probably because the building it's housed in is much older than the one housing the South Orlando store, which is brand new.

Thus, when you head for the bathrooms and find yourself having to pass through a storage area, you expect the toilets here to be rather industrial in look and feel, like what was seen at Laurenzo's in North Miami Beach.

So imagine my surprise when I stepped into this luxurious locale -- which works more like a subdued version of the hip bathrooms at the South Orlando store than anything else.

This is a long and thin cavern, with large off-white tile on the floor and smaller beige tile on the walls. A tile trim line has been set to highlight the walls.

A two-station vanity is set at the front, with a counter made of marble and two individually framed mirrors set above each sink. Faucets are a bit of a letdown -- both in terms of their antiquated design (reminiscent of what was seen at the Delta Crown Room in the JFK International terminal) and their poor water flow (it kind of spits out in all directions instead of straight down -- no doubt, the low-flow blocker has to be cleaned or adjusted).

Beyond that are two white porcelain urinals, which are bordered by black metal toilet stall walls and offer wonderful privacy, like the toilets at Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville and the Central Florida Zoo.

In the back are two toilet stalls, a normal-sized one and a handicap one in the very back. Both contain standard white porcelain toilets.

The place itself was sparkling clean and fresh smelling -- another surprise. Though it should be said that I did manage to find a couple of wear-and-tear dings in the design, like a hole in the tile near where a urinal's pipe entered the wall (smaller than what was seen at the Venetian in Las Vegas, though).

Another amusing note is the sign I found hanging above one of the wall-mounted soap dispensers: "All Team Members Must Remove Aprons & Chef Coats Before Entering Restrooms." Quite a difference from the usual "All Employees Must Wash Hands Before Leaving" you usually see. Of course, the former is a sign I would expect to see -- but didn't -- in Laurenzo's in North Miami Beach. That wasn't the case there, though. Instead, that place had actual drawings showing what an employee must do to wash his or her hands.

Marks out of 10:

8. Really a 7, but I was expecting something so much worse and then found this oasis, so I had to raise the score a notch.

Comments to the Management:

This is a real hidden gem -- and worthy of commendation. Truly an unexpected find. Just touch up on a few things -- fix the faucet flow, the holes in the tile here and there -- and you may just have one of the best hidden gem bathrooms in Central Florida.

Hey, we're from New Yawk here

Flakowitz Bagel Inn
1999 N. Federal Highway
Boca Raton, FL USA 33432

Where is it?

From the front door: Look to the left, passed the busy dining room, at the New York-inspired mural on the back wall (filled with references to the Yankees and Brooklyn Dodgers) and you'll see two little black doors -- one for men's and one for women's.

What's it like?

This is a standard south-Florida deli and bagel shop. The food's decent -- particularly the smoked white fish and sable -- though I've had better bagels (like at Roasters n Toasters in Miami). The biali is more like a toasted hamburger bun than a proper biali, but still the food is decent.

The toilets follow that mentality. Clean, though nothing out of the ordinary. White tile floor. White porcelain sink and toilets. Brown stall doors. A few chips in the wall and some wear and tear on the sink, otherwise perfectly serviceable, though nothing else. Given that this place is in the heart of Boca, with plenty of elderly New York transplants living nearby, I imagine the bathroom gets lots of use -- hence the emphasis on serviceability over style, no?

Marks out of 10:

6. About as clean as any bagel or deli you'll find in Manhattan.

Comments to the Management:

Could use a little cleaning up and restoration. Or better yet -- carry the fun theme of the mural into the toilets!

Glossy Sheen Can't Hide Bagel Bar's Missteps

Note to readers: The pictures formerly associated with this review have been taken down at the request of the business owners. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Roasters and Toasters
18515 NE 18th Ave.
North Miami Beach, FL USA 33179
www.roastersntoasters.com

Where is it?

From the main entrance, head right, past the deli and bagel-ordering bar, and through the dining room. Look for a door in the back left corner of the dining room. Go through. You'll enter a hallway that contains some storage areas as well as the bathrooms, which will be on your right.

What's it like?

Roasters and Toasters is a Floridian take on the New York City bagel bar and deli. It offers delicious bagels (some of the best available outside of NYC), as well as fresh roasted coffee, delicious deli meats (including superb corned beef shipped from NYC) and cheeses, breads and other bakery items, and various smoked fish products. Outside of NYC, you can't do much better, really.

The interior loses the NYC wear and tear in favor of modern chain restaurant design, which seems built around their brand identity. You'll find plasma televisions on the some of the walls, most of them broadcasting CNN or ESPN, as well as sleek-looking cafe tables, plenty of beige paint and tile and sparse, almost minimalistic, decor on the walls. It's like an upscale Denny's crossed with a Starbucks Cafe, only with much better food and drink.

As expected, the bathrooms extend the stylishness of the dining room. The floors and walls are covered with elegant tile, marble on the floor and granite (it seems) on the walls. The stall door to the lone toilet is made of metal but looks like dark wood -- which adds a some sophistication to the design. It's generally clean too, though you can start to see some wear and tear building on the fixtures, especially around the seems.

Sadly, it's also a small place, with only one urinal, one commode and one sink available to the public at one time. Considering that the place doubles as a coffee house, you can imagine that the bathroom sees its share of line-ups.

Also, the location makes the place feel busier than it really is -- the hallway outside gets a lot of foot traffic, from both customers and employees (a closet containing all the beverage syrups sits right next door), and you hear that traffic constantly while you're inside, which makes you feel rushed.

On top of that, during my visit I found a few things out of order: The toilet paper roller in the stall was split open, with half of it sitting on top of the garbage can found in the stall. Also, a "Wet Floor" sign stood prominently in a major walking space, making it hard to maneuver around it once other people entered the bathroom.

Marks out of 10:

7. Would have been higher were it not for those missteps.

Comments to the Management:

If possible, I would consider moving the storage items (including the drink syrups) further down the hall and then extending the bathrooms some so people can have a little more room to do their business.

Columbia Restaurant's Supper Club Decor Not Represented in Bathroom

The Columbia Restaurant
649 Front Street
Celebration, FL USA
www.columbiarestaurant.com

Where is it?

From the front entrance, head through the main doors. Once you do, you'll see a gift shop directly before you, as well as a hostess station. To your left (with your back to the door) is the restaurant's bar area, which has many dark woods and tropical tiles strewn about for decor. To the far left is the main dining room -- a sprawling space reminiscent of 1950s Cuban dining and dance halls, a vast open space packed with elegant white-tablecloth-covered table, wooden walls and low lighting (no dance floor or musician stage though).

In between the gift shop and the dining room is a wood-lined hallway, which in many ways looks like an old-fashioned parlor you might find in a 1950s fine dining restaurant or supper club. Down that hallway is a phone booth (a rarity these days) as well as the entrances to bathrooms, which are near the end of the hallway.

What's it like?

This Florida institution has been serving up some of the Sunshine State's best Latino cuisine (Spanish food by way of Puerto Rico and Cuba, to be more exact) for more than 100 years. The history of the place, whose ownership has remained in the family for four or five generations, is proudly displayed on their menus, and several other places (it's part of the branding, really) and those who have spent more than a couple of years living in Florida know that it's a great place to go for Latino cuisine (especially if you live out of the Miami area).

The restaurant itself started in Ybor City in Tampa but has grown significantly in recent years (no doubt thanks to the aggressive gentrification of the state) to include multiple branches in Tampa, as well as locations in St. Petersburg, Sarasota, Clearwater and Celebration, which is the subject of this review.

I've been to the Ybor City location, which has some more ingrained character in the building itself -- things are beautiful there but also a bit antiquated and rusty, giving the place some charm. Here, while the decor is beautiful, it is also a bit too new and polished and representative of the manufactured Americana of the town around it, if you will. Still, if you're in Celebration and are looking for a good meal and don't feel like hitting the fine Celebration Town Tavern, or just want a place that's a little classier than that, then this is the stop for you.

The experience here is decidedly old-fashioned. While on my visit the waitstaff was younger than expected (including several college kids), they still treated us well and professionally. The food was well-prepared and delicious, especially the house specialty of paella, which came in an enormous portion that was packed with seafood and meats. Also delicious was the black bean soup and the red bean and chorizo soup, as well as the house salad, which comes topped in the restaurant's delicious signature dressing. (Though originally they didn't have tapas on the menu, I'm assuming the trendiness of the Spanish-inspired nosh plates are the reason they are added to the menu here.)

Really, it's a great place for a fine meal. Prices are mid-ranged but not too expensive (about $20 per person, which isn't bad considering the quality and experience) and also perfect for a special occasion or elegant night out (though because it's in Celebration, you don't necessarily have to get dolled up to come here).

Given the old-fashioned feel of the dining room, I expected the toilet experience here to be similar to what I found at Montparnasse 1900 in Paris, or at least something built off the spirit of McCormick & Schmick's -- a sort of modern interpretation of old-fashioned, if you will. Or even Angelo's on Mulberry, or Philadelphia's Davio's.

But that's not the case. Surprisingly, what I found was closer to TooJay's Deli, in that the restaurant's decor was not at all indicative of what you find in the bathroom. No old-fashioned vibe here, even though everything else in the place leads up to that experience. Instead, here you get your average Teutonic bathroom, nothing more. Bland, bland, bland. What a disappointment.

The room itself is hexagonal in shape. Two urinals sit up against the front wall, a two-sink vanity sit on the wall opposite that, and two toilet stalls sit in the corner opposite those elements. There's a wide common area in the middle.

The walls are covered in light beige tiles (similar to what was seen at the Monsoon Restaurant in London, though this is an entirely different experience, or Cavallari Gourmet). The floor is covered in that standard faux-brick tile we've seen at countless other places, like the Kolob Canyon Visitors Center in Utah, or the aforementioned Angelo's on Mulberry.

The walls have no decor on them. The fixtures are all white porcelain. The sink station looks like a larger version of what we saw at the Tamarisk Restaurant. Yawn.

In fact, outside of the fact that the room itself is hexagonal-shaped and there is a small supply closet (behind a dark wood panel built into the front wall), there isn't anything memorable in this bathroom at all. If I stepped in blindly, I doubt I would be able to tell the difference between this place and the aforementioned TooJay's Deli or any of the other dozen or so mid-sized Teutonic bathrooms I've been to since starting this site (like the Big Boy Diner, Jack in the Box, etc.)

Sure, it's clean and odor free and quiet. But after that kind of setup, you expect things to be different here. You think that a place with this kind of local esteem would go that extra mile when designing their bathroom, you know?

Marks out of 10:

7.

Comments to the Management:

Come on, show a little life in here. The space deserves it.

Oy Vey! Too Jay's Forgettable Toilets Don't Say Much About Deli Culture

TooJay's Original Gourmet Deli
Colonial MarketPlaza
2400 East Colonial Drive
Orlando, FL USA

Where is it?

This eatery is designed like a flat rectangle. It's narrow and long and thin. So from the front entrance, head left, towards the hostess stand (you'll pass a long deli counter in the process), turn right after the hostess stand and head into a hallway along the back wall (only about 15 feet because of the place's narrow design). The toilets are there, in that hallway.

What's it like?

This Florida-based deli chain aims to impart the look, feel and taste of the classic New York City deli to transplants in the Sunshine State. For the most part, it succeeds.

Service is friendly and fast. Prices affordable. And sandwiches are stuffed thick with various meats, like its Reuben or pastrami on rye. Salads are fresh. Breakfasts are filling and well-prepared. Deserts are delicious. And you can get Dr. Browns! If only the place served kosher meats like the places up north, though....

The dining room isn't anything flashy -- and in a way looks like a hotel lobby (what with the tacky green carpeting and bland wood-panel walls) that just happens to have various deli-based memorabilia hanging around. Tables are classic generic faux wood cafe tables, as well as some booths. It's a large dining room that also feels small, creating a somewhat noisy environment, which I guess is exactly what you want from a deli-based experience. (Though compared with Florida's other deli stalwarts, I have to say the dining room here lacks a bit of panache, like what you'd see in the homey grunginess of Flakowitz Bagel Inn in Boca Raton or the stylish branded sheen of Roasters 'n' Toasters in North Miami Beach.)

The bathrooms are pretty Teutonic and straight forward -- more in common with what I found at the Aloma Cinema Grill in Winter Park than at, say, Flakowitz Bagel Inn or Roasters 'n' Toasters. Painted white concrete on the walls, black linoleum on the floor, concrete walls with beige trim dividing the walls and urinal chambers.

The vanity at the front of the bathroom has two sinks, a black granite counter top, some nice matted metal faucets and a stretch mirror. Again, pretty blah, even though I liked the look of the faucets.

Smell-wise, this was pretty non-existent. It wasn't too dirty of a place either, except that the vanity had a good amount of spilled water on it and the handicap toilet (there are two stalls here) had an overstuffed garbage can and some of the paper towels from it had slipped out onto the floor.

Marks out of 10:

6. Not bad, but very bland.

Comments to the Management:

Flakowitz Bagel Inn has grungy charm and Roasters 'n' Toasters has style. Don't you think you could do something to jazz it up in here? Even some wall hangings would help!

Bathrooms at Total Wine Orlando Share Stink of Total Wine Raleigh

Total Wine & More - Orlando
2712 East Colonial Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32803
www.totalwine.com

Where is it?

Unlike Total Wine in Raleigh, the bathrooms here do not require the visitor to venture through the entire store and past the cashiers before being granted the privilege of accessing them (meaning you don't have to buy something to use them).

Simply enter the warehouse, turn right at the first corner you see and head past the coolers on your right. A hallway will open up on your right; it leads to the bathrooms, employee break room, and stocking areas for those coolers.

What's it like?

This branch of the mammoth wine, booze and beer megastore chain has a similar design to the Raleigh store, though this one has a wider floor plan than than that one, which was longer than it was wide. Isles don't stretch on for yards and yards here, though it does seem to take an exceedingly long time to walk from one side of the place to the other. The selection, like the Raleigh store, is top-notch, though because of Florida's sin-tax import taxes, you won't find as many hard-to-find items here that you would in Raleigh (like the wonderful Luksus beer from Latvia, which isn't available in Florida because of those laws).

Like Raleigh, the place is a little frenetic and purposefully intimidating to visit -- almost as if they know you will have to ask someone for help, one way or the way. However, be warned: That help can be dubious. A recent visit here, for some wine, led us to several mismatched recommendations. We were looking for some pinot noir from Oregon, which we really like, but we didn't know what brands to buy because the ones we drink normally have been given to us from people out of state and at the moment they are unavailable in Florida. The staff member assigned to help us hadn't heard of the vineyards we said we liked, and instead of admitting fault or working with us, she kept suggesting we try merlot. We don't mind merlot -- we're not "Sideways" snobs, after all -- but as anyone who knows wine will tell you, there's a major difference between pinot and merlot, and it wasn't what we were looking for. So, knowing that, each subsequent visit we have made to this store requires us to do some background checking beforehand.

Anyway, the store's frenetic nature finds its way into the bathrooms as well -- though chances are you won't be asking a clerk for help in that department. (At least I hope not!) These are small facilities -- one toilet stall, one sink, one urinal with a modestly sized walk-in area. It's somewhat clean, though I did find a few mis-thrown paper towels and some spilled water on the floor.

Decor-wise, it's on par with the Raleigh store. There are no wall hangings or decor here, just drywall -- though the beige walls do make a better impression than the bland white of the Raleigh store. Also on had are beige urinal dividers and stall doors and an inviting wood-colored linoleum tile on the floor.

Despite those changes, though, the facilities don't smell much better than the Raleigh location. The stink of urine is still pretty sharp here -- I'm assuming it comes with the territory, since the staff is supposed to sample the merchandise (I'm guessing?) as a means to become familiar with it and that in turn creates the need to urinate. (I'm hoping it's that and it's not some corporate thing..... Please tell me it's not a corporate thing.) Still, an air freshener or two, or even some spray, would be very helpful.

On top of this, the noise factor inside the bathroom is remarkably high -- no doubt the result of putting the toilets next to the break room and the restock areas for the nearby coolers (a design flaw that reminds me a lot of the issues I had with Roasters and Toasters in North Miami Beach). So while the place will certainly suffice for longer visits, it isn't nearly as peaceful or idyllic as, say, a glass of Oregonian pinot noir.

Marks out of 10:

5. A notch higher than the Raleigh store but still nothing more than a "use as needed" facility.

Comments to the Management:

Like my suggestions to the Raleigh store, adding some decor to the walls -- even if it's just the weekly circular -- would make the place more inviting. Also, some air fresheners would be welcome. Finally, and I'm not sure if there's an easy, inexpensive way to fix this because of the building's construction, but consider putting in a sound buffer between the break room, cooler restock hallway and bathrooms.