Bathrooms at Total Wine Orlando Share Stink of Total Wine Raleigh

Total Wine & More - Orlando
2712 East Colonial Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32803
www.totalwine.com

Where is it?

Unlike Total Wine in Raleigh, the bathrooms here do not require the visitor to venture through the entire store and past the cashiers before being granted the privilege of accessing them (meaning you don't have to buy something to use them).

Simply enter the warehouse, turn right at the first corner you see and head past the coolers on your right. A hallway will open up on your right; it leads to the bathrooms, employee break room, and stocking areas for those coolers.

What's it like?

This branch of the mammoth wine, booze and beer megastore chain has a similar design to the Raleigh store, though this one has a wider floor plan than than that one, which was longer than it was wide. Isles don't stretch on for yards and yards here, though it does seem to take an exceedingly long time to walk from one side of the place to the other. The selection, like the Raleigh store, is top-notch, though because of Florida's sin-tax import taxes, you won't find as many hard-to-find items here that you would in Raleigh (like the wonderful Luksus beer from Latvia, which isn't available in Florida because of those laws).

Like Raleigh, the place is a little frenetic and purposefully intimidating to visit -- almost as if they know you will have to ask someone for help, one way or the way. However, be warned: That help can be dubious. A recent visit here, for some wine, led us to several mismatched recommendations. We were looking for some pinot noir from Oregon, which we really like, but we didn't know what brands to buy because the ones we drink normally have been given to us from people out of state and at the moment they are unavailable in Florida. The staff member assigned to help us hadn't heard of the vineyards we said we liked, and instead of admitting fault or working with us, she kept suggesting we try merlot. We don't mind merlot -- we're not "Sideways" snobs, after all -- but as anyone who knows wine will tell you, there's a major difference between pinot and merlot, and it wasn't what we were looking for. So, knowing that, each subsequent visit we have made to this store requires us to do some background checking beforehand.

Anyway, the store's frenetic nature finds its way into the bathrooms as well -- though chances are you won't be asking a clerk for help in that department. (At least I hope not!) These are small facilities -- one toilet stall, one sink, one urinal with a modestly sized walk-in area. It's somewhat clean, though I did find a few mis-thrown paper towels and some spilled water on the floor.

Decor-wise, it's on par with the Raleigh store. There are no wall hangings or decor here, just drywall -- though the beige walls do make a better impression than the bland white of the Raleigh store. Also on had are beige urinal dividers and stall doors and an inviting wood-colored linoleum tile on the floor.

Despite those changes, though, the facilities don't smell much better than the Raleigh location. The stink of urine is still pretty sharp here -- I'm assuming it comes with the territory, since the staff is supposed to sample the merchandise (I'm guessing?) as a means to become familiar with it and that in turn creates the need to urinate. (I'm hoping it's that and it's not some corporate thing..... Please tell me it's not a corporate thing.) Still, an air freshener or two, or even some spray, would be very helpful.

On top of this, the noise factor inside the bathroom is remarkably high -- no doubt the result of putting the toilets next to the break room and the restock areas for the nearby coolers (a design flaw that reminds me a lot of the issues I had with Roasters and Toasters in North Miami Beach). So while the place will certainly suffice for longer visits, it isn't nearly as peaceful or idyllic as, say, a glass of Oregonian pinot noir.

Marks out of 10:

5. A notch higher than the Raleigh store but still nothing more than a "use as needed" facility.

Comments to the Management:

Like my suggestions to the Raleigh store, adding some decor to the walls -- even if it's just the weekly circular -- would make the place more inviting. Also, some air fresheners would be welcome. Finally, and I'm not sure if there's an easy, inexpensive way to fix this because of the building's construction, but consider putting in a sound buffer between the break room, cooler restock hallway and bathrooms.

Noisy Taverna Opa Toilets Almost Too Rambunctious to Review

Taverna Opa Restaurant
9101 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819
www.tavernaoparestaurant.com

Where is it?

From the main entrance, head left through the chaotic, music and dancer-filled dining room and into the bar area. When you're almost to the back wall of the bar (but not quite at the entrance where you will enter the patio service area), head right down a little hallway there. You'll find the toilets there.

What's it like?

This Greek restaurant chain, which started in Miami and opened a location in Orlando's Pointe Orlando mall in 2007, is a wild and loud place, to say the least. The interior mixes an NYC loft style (bricks, open spaces) with a nightclub vibe, making it a festive place where the kitchen serves hearty Greek specialties beneath an ambiance of flashing lights, sirens and house music pumped so loudly that you will have trouble making conversation with your guests.

If that weren't enough, waiters here tend to stop service a few times an hour to jump up on tables and dance, or throw thousands of paper napkins in the air, or start random conga lines by taking patrons from their seats and adding to the line. Very festive, very loud -- a great place to go if you're with a group that doesn't want t speak a lot while you're there (like my visit here with my grumpy compadre Kip McGuire, as the picture below points out, was clearly more taken by the food than the company).

The food is very good, especially the fresh mezze and the delicious grilled items and seafood. Get the large scampi sauteed in butter, wine and tomatoes if it's on the menu, or the braised lamb shanks. Both are excellent and succulent (as Kip McGuire will surely tell you). Prices are a little on the high side, so keep that in mind while ordering around the menu.

The toilets, ironically enough, are just as boisterous as the dining room -- though, thankfully enough, you won't find waiters interrupting your visit to drag you into a conga line. (Phew.) However, this isn't a quiet spot to escape the hustle and bustle (not like the magical facilities as Wynn Las Vegas, for example). You will hear the house music playing quite prevalently here, and because of the restaurant's festive vibe and modus operandi (i.e. it pushes a lot of drinks upon the clientele) people use the toilets consistently here. So much so that I was only afforded one clean shot of the interior of the bathroom before being burst in upon by a string of frat boys needing to drain the main vein.

The environment itself is decent. Nice rusty beige tile on the floor, beige-colored drywall walls, some black highlights here and there, good lighting, and it was clean for the most part, save for the bits of mis-thrown paper and such. Nothing too terrible. But I do wish it were a little less hectic -- I imagine making a longer pit stop here would be very stressful, what with all the heavy bass beats and the people pounding away at you all the while.....

Marks out of 10:

7. Decent bathrooms, but like the bustling facilities at Soyka's in Miami, they offer little chance to relax and let your guard down, if you know what I mean.

Comments to the Management:

Is there any way to make the bathrooms feel more isolated? Or to turn the music down? I have a headache, just thinking about that pumping bass beat.....

Maurice's BBQ is Heavenly, But its Toilets Lack Southern Charm

Maurice's BBQ
263 Britain Street
Santee, SC USA
www.mauricesbbq.com

Where is it?

From the front entrance, walk past the small front-of -building store containing a slew of pro-South memorabilia and books and head to the order counter. Once there, resist the temptation of ordering a platter of BBQ, turn right and enter the dining room.

Turn left down the front lobe of the dining room and head towards the giant portrait of Maurice, the place's owner, sitting on the back wall. There is a small doorway to the right of that, which leads into an enclave holding the bathrooms.

What's it like?

Maurice's Piggy Park has been placed on such a pedestal in my home that when we passed a franchise store for the South Carolina-only BBQ chain off the highway we didn't even question the idea of not stopping. Ironically, to this point, I'd had only this company's sauce and knew a little about it's owner, Maurice, who is one of those Southerners who feels the south should rise again and takes a lot of pride in his native state's pre-Civil War heritage. The sauce of course is fantastic so I'll easily forgive the company's namesake for his cultural and political views. However, I had not sampled his BBQ to this point.

Walking up to the place, which looks like a converted Taco Bell from the outside, I smelled little smoke or anything resembling the top-notched BBQ I've had so far in my life. I suddenly started wondering if I was in for another roadside restaurant letdown.

Ordering did little to assuage my insecurities. The food, I saw, came not from smokers or ovens, but from steam boxes in the kitchen that kept the various menu items warm. In asking the cashier about this, I was told that this location received several shipments of fresh BBQ from its headquarters in Columbia (about an hour and a half away) each day and didn't do much cooking outside of griddle and frying work for the hot dogs, burgers and fries. Not exactly a promising start.

We ordered the sample plate, which included generous portions of BBQ chicken, pulled pork, BBQ hash over rice, brisket, sliced pork and more, and then sat down to wait for our food. We grabbed four bottles of sauce on the way to the table too -- Maurice's original, spicy, hickory and honey.

Now, a word on Maurice's sauces: These are mustard based sauces, so if you're a fan of vinegar or tomato based sauce you might not go for these. They take a bit of getting used to, especially if you're expecting something more traditional. But they are outstanding and once you open your mind to them you'll see what the fuss is all about. Ironically, Maurice's calls them "table sauces," meaning they can be used for multiple items, not just BBQ. And this is true -- it's great on everything, even cereal.

Of course, the BBQ came out and we were astonished by the amount of food being given to us. It could easily feed a family of 6 and you still might have leftovers. This is unique BBQ -- where as most BBQ I've had is dry smoked and tends to require sauce for moistening, this BBQ came to us as a delightful, juicy, gooey mess. The smoke flavor abounded but wasn't overpowering or too subtle. Topping it with the sauce increased the gooey texture and added another dimension of flavor and texture to the food. I couldn't help but get my hands in there and start nibbling, gnawing and chewing. This was hands down the best BBQ I've ever had. It was life changing, it was that good. Kudos to you, Maurice.

Now, if only I could say the same about your restaurant's bathroom. This was a sad state of affairs, to say the least. Of course, with all that gooey BBQ being served in the dining room, you expect the place to be a bit dingy. Hell, this isn't a fine dining place and people will have to wash their hands well after leaving (you hear that Uncle Bubba's?). But I wasn't expecting the place to be this off the mark.

The walls here are covered with tiny white tiles, and much of the grout seems to have seen better days and has noticeable bits of grime and mildew in it. The floor is covered with that bland dark brick tile we see at lots of places, which is used so messes don't look so apparent on the floor. Well, I have to say that tile or not tile there was a lot of mess on the floor, namely in the form of urine. Nearly every toilet, from urinal to commode, had a small pool of it at its base. As you can imagine, the smell was pretty strong -- and it kind of killed the vibe created by that great BBQ, which is very sad indeed.

Also worth noting is that one of the urinals was out of order, and I wonder if this made patrons think they could use the floor as an alternative. It certainly seemed that way from what I saw. (And the large sign posted over the broken urinal, indicating it wasn't working, was so large and attention-getting that I wondered if the public hadn't seen the first few signs posted there and continued doing there business in the urinal regardless of the warning.)

The sink itself was clean enough, but the faucets spit out water at a lower pressure than what was needed to get those BBQ-sauce entrenched hands spotless. You really needed to work to get your hands clean here. The toilet stall (only one here; with two urinals and one sink) wasn't in too bad of condition, except the toilet itself had some harsh hard water stains inside, as well as a good pool of urine around its base.

Needless to say, I couldn't wait to get back into the dining room after visiting.

Marks out of 10:

12 for the BBQ, but only 5 for the bathroom, so 5.

Comments to the Management:

Clearly, the broken urinal needs to be fixed. But also, I think someone needs to visit the toilets more than once or twice a day, if nothing else but to mop up all that urine on the floor. Pretty gross, especially considering this is the last impression you're likely making on your guests (since they'll need to go here to wash their hands after their meal and before leaving). I'd hate for the reputation of your amazing, heavenly BBQ to be destroyed by the poor condition of your toilets, because BBQ like that deserves much better. It's so good, really, it deserves sainthood.

Toilets at Little Pee Dee State Farmer's Market Will Have You Seeing Green

Little Pee Dee State Farmer's Market
2513 W. Lucas Street
Florence, SC USA
www.pdfarmersmarket.sc.gov

Where is it?

Drive onto the market grounds and head for the big barn, where most of the stands are (or at least they were upon our visit). Drive through the barn and you'll see two sets of restroom areas along the way, both on the right side of the interior of the barn as you drive through. They look like areas for vending machines but actually accommodate both the toilets and the vending machines.

What's it like?

This large farmer's market area contains several buildings, all of which hold various stands that sell a variety of goods when the place is working at full speed in the summer. Unfortunately, we visited in the winter, so the harvest season was already well over and most of the areas where the stands would normally be were closed.

We did still manage to find some vendors (only about 5) working in the main barn building, which was the only place available to us on the visit. At their stands, we found some excellent apples, sweet potatoes, collard greens, grain, meat and more -- which all turned out to be top-notch in quality. Still, we wondered, after leaving, what the place must look like in full bloom. Drag.

Given that, I visited the first station I crossed inside the barn, not the second, and found them to be quite unique. Not in a good way either, I'm afraid.

The facilities here are made entirely of concrete, from the toilet stalls to the urinal dividers, and the concrete has been painted this sharp lime green that, when coupled with the sting of the fluorescent lighting overheard, give the place an odd tinge that might make you twitch some if you stay in there too long.

Of course, the green color isn't the only oddity here. Fixtures are your standard white porcelain models, but some of the major plumbing hoses, especially those beneath the sinks, are hanging outside the walls some.

Also, the final stall (the place has two toilet stalls, two urinals, two sinks) had walls made partially out of a beige steel divider, while the other stall adjacent to it was all concrete (with a beige steel door). Why the difference? At first, I thought it had something to do with the last stall being the handicap one, but in examining the sizes of both, it seemed to be they were both identical, this didn't really add up.

Then I looked up and found a lone clothes hanger dangling from the door to that back stall. I wondered if this was why the last stall was expanded. Perhaps it doubled as a changing room? But then, I asked myself, who would change their clothes at a farmer's market bathroom? Would farmers do that? Maybe. But then aren't they supposed to set up and break down the booths and repack the items that didn't sell? If so, why would they want to wear anything other than work clothes for that?

Then I thought they wanted to change into decent clothes after their work was finished, which made sense. But upon reflection, that only made me wonder if that meant they were not taking their unsold goods back to a warehouse or storage area after their shift. If that was the case, then where were they taking it? Very strange indeed.

Anyway, that aside, the place has some other oddities as well. For one, there's a sharp chemical smell in here, and by that I don't mean chemical cleaner but pesticide. It's very strong here, and clearly the management here knows about it because there are five or six air fresheners built into the walls, all of them looking very weathered an unproductive.

Finally, and perhaps most disturbing, is the fact that there are profound chemical-like stains inside the sinks. Almost like someone was trying to get rust stains off of metal and decided not to rinse away the agent helping them with that task.

You would expect the place to be cleaned somewhat regularly by the managing offices, which are state run (then again, as evidenced by our recent stops at the Port St. Lucie and Fort Drum service stations in Florida, that means nothing).

So many unanswered questions....... and this was in the slow season. I imagine more mysteries appear in summer, no?

Marks out of 10:

5. Sturdiness of concrete and strange colors and sights aside, taken at face value the place is still somewhat dirty and smelly.

Comments to the Management:

I would suggest more air fresheners, but I'm not sure they would do anything (since the existing ones don't seem to be making a difference). Of course, the place itself is somewhat clean, but then there are those horrid stains in the sink and the smell, and the bits of grime everywhere. Perhaps a higher grade level of cleaner should be used on them -- but then, this is a farmer's market, so you would expect the cleaners used to be pretty tough in the first place. Really, I'm just as perplexed as you are about this place........ At least the produce we got was top-notch, right?

Toilets at Wake Forrest Chick-fil-A are Teutonic But Clean

Chick-fil-A
11730 Retail Dr.
Wake Forest, NC USA 27587
www.chick-fil-a.com

Where is it?

From the front entrance, turn right and head down the stretch of the dining room that's to the right and behind of the order counter (as opposed to the dining area that has a clear view of the order counter). The bathrooms are in a small enclave at the end of that dining room.

What's it like?

This is a relatively new Chick-fil-A in an up and coming area of Raleigh. As a result, everything here from the dining room to the parking lot looks -- for the most part -- barely used.

The dining room comes filled with booths and cafe tables, and nearly all the seats here are covered in a maroon vinyl that, I'm assuming, is spill-proof. The floors are covered with thick, easy-to-mop tile that's been laid out in a semi-decorative pattern, so that people won't realize right away it's easy to mop. The walls are bare for the most part and the lighting -- much of it coming from the ceiling-high windows lining the perimeter of the dining room -- is inviting, to say the least.

For those who've yet to visit a Chick-fil-A: It's a fast food joint that specializes in fried chicken breast sandwiches. They are decent sandwiches for the price, consisting primarily of whole white meat chicken instead of processed chunks that have been pressed into cutlet shapes, and they best the quality of most chicken sandwiches at more popular chains like McDonald's, Burger King or Wendy's. Great for a quick comforting sandwich meal when you're on the go, though certainly nothing to plan a trip around.

The bathrooms, like they are are most American fast food joints (including Jack in the Box and McDonald's, to name a few), are Teutonic but clean. Don't expect much personality here, just the basics; and considering the place is still relatively new, it's yet to have the traditional fast-food-restaurant bathroom wear and tear grime starting to settle in. (Clearly, fast food chain designers have yet to visit our favorite fast food restaurant bathroom, Tacos El Rancho. We hope they do soon, though, so they get an idea of how to lift a bathroom a cut above the standard design.)

Visitors here can expect to find a modestly sized facility. Two urinals, one roomy bathroom stall, one standard white sink, bland grey dividers and stall doors, white tile on the walls, black and gray tile on the floor (again, easy to mop, and it covers mildew stains better than while tile) and no wall decorations.

As mentioned earlier, it's not exactly a place brimming with personality (the only quirk I found was that the automatic paper towel dispenser was placed too closely to the sink, so that each time there was any movement from that area a towel was dispensed), but it's clean and odor free (the only flaw in this was that I found a stranded piece of toilet paper by the commode -- nothing to get excited over, though) and seems well-kept and regularly policed. Like with the food, it's a great place to stop if you're in the neighborhood and can't make it home before the inevitable accident, but it's certainly not worth planning a trip to experience.

Marks out of 10:

7. In the same league as Jack in the Box, really.

Comments to the Management:

The toilets here are what they are, so I'm imagining there isn't much I can say to change things. Given that, you've done what you've done well, and that's about all I can say to that.