Firehouse Subs Bathroom Offers Few Surprises, Lots of Paper on Floor

Firehouse Subs
1455 Semoran Blvd., Suite 295
Casselberry, FL USA
www.firehousesubs.com

Where is it?

This location of the popular sub chain looks and feels just like the others I've been to: It's along, rectangular store with a sandwich-making counter on the left side (with your back to the entrance) that takes up about 1/3 of the floor space and a dining room filled with two-top and four-top tables filling up the remaining area.

In the very back, against the far wall, is a soda fountain. To the right of that, in the far right corner, is an opening to a short hallway. The bathrooms are down that hallway, with the entrances being on your left.

What's it like?

As far as sub chains go, I rank this one on the high end of the spectrum. The bread here is doughy and fresh-tasting, the fillings are tasty enough and don't taste over-processed, portions are substantially sized and prices are decent. Plus, I like that the place offers a wide variety of subs and also houses a number of designer hot sauces to try (the bottles are lined up on the half-wall separating the sandwich preparation line and the dining room), as well as a decent house brand made by the company itself.

The decor is, as the name indicates, firehouse-inspired. There's lots of reds, blacks and dalmatian-dog-inspired dots, stripes and patterns. Tables covered with back and white polka dot patters. Amusing firehouse-based art (old photos, etc.) and signs on the walls. Friendly enough, and a good, relaxing place to meet a friend for a cheap lunch (like I did on this occasion with my buddy and occasional Where's the Toilet contributor, Ayal Wolf.)

The bathroom is pretty much what you'd expect from a place having this kind of design: Kind of kitschy, based in the store's branding, and little else.

It's lower walls have red and white tiles on them, with a black border around the perimeter to separate lower wall from upper wall. Upper walls are just white drywall.

That standard faux-brick-tiled floor we've seen at so many other places -- like Rainforest Coffee Company, Columbia Restaurant in Celebration, Kolob Canyons Visitors Center in Utah, Toon Lagoon Toilet at Islands of Adventure and many more -- covers the ground here. In fact, even the red and white tile (in some variation) has been seen elsewhere, like at Big Boy Diner, Jack in the Box, and Pizoodles. Boorring!

The place also has a red door, though it's not as impressive as the one at Anmol, I should add.

There is a white porcelain urinal, toilet and sink -- none of it with automatic flushes or faucets (the paper towel dispenser is automatic though, but the soap is just a pump). An unframed mirror mounted above the sink and some parlor lights above that.

A photograph print of an old fire station (circa 1920s) hands to the right of the mirror. A novelty sign, badge-shaped, reading "Are you hungry? Call the Firehouse" hangs on the opposite wall. Yawn......

The room itself is well-sized, a standard one-bagger. Comfortable enough but nothing exquisite or memorable. It wasn't remarkably clean -- there was lots of pieces of paper towels strewn about the floor, as well as bits of wear and tear and mildew here and there -- but it wasn't the worst either. Straight forward, predictable, nothing more. On par with the one visited at Famous Phil's Cheesesteaks only with a smaller area.

Marks out of 10:

5. Clean it up a little more and it would be a 6, but nothing more than that.

Comments to the Management:

Needs a little more policing, so there isn't as much torn paper floating around. Also, a little more scrubbing would be good, just to keep the edges clean. Otherwise, it is what it is.

Montauk's Bathroom Mediocre At Best

Montauk Seafood Grill
549 E. Lionshead Circle
Vail, CO USA
www.montaukseafoodgrill.com

Where is it?

To get to the restrooms here, make your immediate left after you enter. When you get halfway down the hallway make a right, which will put you in view of Montauk’s bar.

To the right of the bar is a small hallway adorned with the replica of a large swordfish (or is it a marlin?). At the end of this hall you will find restrooms.

What’s it like?

This 19-year-old establishment prides itself on being one of the finer seafood/steak establishments in the tiny town of Vail. And just like most fine dining locales in Vail, it also comes with the higher than average price tag for your selections.

But this shouldn’t be a surprise. Vail is one of the more (if not the most) popular ski resorts in the world, and tourists do not mind dishing out the payola to play on its pristine slopes. So pricey fine dining is just part of the vacation package.

The exterior of Montauk adheres to the faux-Bavarian architecture that is the defacto standard in all of Vail. Yet, the interior is still quite welcoming.

It has a modern and warm environment with a hint of rustic throwback. The staff is very friendly, and they're open to all questions about the menu, the locale, the history of the restaurant, the town of Vail, Beatles songs, pH balance of the town’s water, and thoughts about past and present names of people.

Yes, they are awesome to communicate with!

Efficiency is a different matter, however, Each member of my party ordered a different dish from the menu. Of the five of us, I believe only one spoke up to talk about the great taste of the Chilean Sea Bass. But everyone else’s critique was less than stellar.

Salmon was dry/over grilled. Halibut tasted pretty plain, and my other two friends we’re not satisfied with the grill level of their steaks. For the average 30-some dollars a plate there, they could of done a better job.

But before hightailing out of Montauk, and into the cold Colorado air, I went to check out the bathroom. The doors to the bathrooms are simply gender-labeled with stickers you could find at your local arts and crafts store. It may be cheap, but there is no question on which door to go into.

The space inside the bathroom is equivalent to the size of a master bedroom closet (one found in most homes, not mansion sized). The bathrooms walls are lined with washed out grey-blue and white wall tiles. The colors don’t create any form of “wow” factor, but does make the aesthetics of the facilities mildly pleasurable. The floor though was dusty and small pockets of grime could be seen on the tile floor.

This was uncanny, since all the toilets, partitions, fixtures and mirror we’re relatively clean.

There was even a bouquet of flowers (didn’t check if they we’re real or not) in a snazzy vase to brighten up your post toilet experience! The hand towel wire basket with color matching stand alone cylindrical soap dispenser is a nice touch. I guess floor care was an afterthought.

Marks out of 10:

This gets a 6. Overall, the presentation of the facilities we’re average, just good enough to get your release and go. But nothing really memorable.

Comments to the Management:

Kitchen quality needs some upgrading. Bathrooms need to get some door signs for the bathroom and clean them floors!

-- Ayal Wolf
Guest Contributor

Bongo Java Toilet Makes for Great Pop Art Experience

Bongo Java
107 S. 11th St.
Nashville, TN USA
www.bongojava.com

Where is it?

From the front entrance, head past the front counter and widely open stockroom. At the end of the stockroom, turn right and within a couple of feet you will be in front of a black door - the entrance to the men’s restroom. The women’s restroom is a separate door to the right of the men’s restroom.

What’s it like?

This coffee house, located on the upper east side of Nashville, is pitted in what is considered by locals as the arts district of the city. The inside of Bongo Java exudes a bit of pseudo-hippie flair. Many of the visitors I saw during my visit were local university students, artisans, musicians, and other creative folk. But, the environment is not so Bohemian that it doesn’t attract many of the everyday blue and white collar locals who come for a great java perk.

Bongo Java uses a two menu system. A standard as well as seasonal coffee menu located on easy-to-read presentation boards over the counter, and a laminated two-sided one-sheet for their food items -- mostly deli-style sandwiches. The staff seems to be skilled at delivering a variety of different coffee drinks, as I did not notice anywhere that they we’re using a “How do I make this damn cappuccino” coffee chart guide that is normally used by Starbucks “baristas.”

The bathroom is the moderately sized. It comes equipped with one toilet, one urinal and one sink. The amount of space it occupies is similar to those in small stores, dive bars or warehouses. But unlike the tarnished fixtures and “just barely tolerable” toilets you may see in such locations (like Copper Rocket in Maitland, FL and the World Famous Coffee Cup, as opposed to the Abbey in Deland, for example), Bongo Java’s restroom is incredibly clean, the porcelain amenities almost gleaming to a blinding whiteness. It almost feels like a shame to use them for one’s personal release. The artwork is a hodgepodge of disconnected Pop Art images, but they all center around one common theme: coffee. And all the amenities in the restroom are worked into the imagery on the walls. Even though it’s apparent that the establishment has painted all this together for the mere fact for you to indulge in their coffee, I was still amused with the mix of cartoon-ish stills that are reminiscent of animation styles still seen on Cartoon Network’s “Adult Swim.”

With the amount of artwork presented, I did want to aimlessly stare for a good 30 minutes of time, but I worried that other patrons might report me to management for just hanging out in the restroom. The vibrancy of color gives the restroom incredible appeal, unless you suffer from optical sensitivity issues, then I would highly recommend quick use of the facilities with fast glimpses of the area. The fixtures are solidly put in place and didn’t notice any stains or markings on any of them.

The room fits about three people comfortably, and in my opinion, a good place to enjoy yourself while taking a whiz.

Marks out of 10:

8. Definitely a place I could hang out for awhile if there was a comfortable couch there.

Comments to the Management

Impressive job. Would have been more convenient to have the mirror over the sink than to the side. Kudos to creative types who took time in putting the artwork together.

-- Ayal Wolf
Guest Contributor

Upscale Outhouse -- That's Essentially the Vibe of the Toilets at the Abbey

Abbey Wine & Beer Bar
117 1/2 N Woodland Blvd
Deland, FL USA
www.abbeydeland.com

Where is it?

This is a somewhat modes storefront set off the main road in downtown Deland. But it turns out to be a spacious spot and it's got a somewhat straight forward layout to it, making finding the toilets easy.

From the front entrance, head to the back of the place. Once there, look for a hallway opening in the back wall. Head down that hallway, and you'll see the toilets on your right, men's room first, then the women's further back, towards the end of the hallway.

What's it like?

This is a dark, somewhat sophisticated upscale beer and wine bar. While you can get your standard mass markets here, the beer- and wine-savvy staff and vast collection of hard-to-find titles make it a great place for the more adventurous drinker -- especially one with a love for Belgian ales, in which the place specializes. (Hence the name.)

A large, heavy wood bar sits in the front left corner of the place. A roomy dining room spreads out behind it. At the bar, you'll find plenty of coolers holding various bottles of beer and wine, as well a tap with about 20 beer selections ranging from hard-to-find imports to several unique American micro-brew selections. If you're unsure of what to have, work with the bartender -- he/she will let you sample a number of items until you find the perfect match.

The place also offers a handful of sandwiches and other various munchies, which are good filler for the beer, though if you're looking for a substantial meal, you may want to visit somewhere else before or after, since the portions here tend to be a bit on the small side.

The beer and wine are the focus here, after all, and if you enjoy good beer and good company (such as my friend Ayal Wolf, pictured above), then this is the place for you.

Given the dark, sophisticated nature of the interior, you'd think the bathrooms would be similar in design -- like the elegant Davio's in Philadelphia, or, on a smaller scale, the homey Las Brazas Chicken. Ironically, they are not like that at all.

More than anything, they look the the sort of bathroom you'd find at a BBQ joint (like Cecil's, for example).The walls are covered in unfinished wood planks, and the floor is covered in that standard rust-colored tile you see at many other places.

All the fixtures kind of serve as piece-meal extensions of that wood paneling. The urinals and vanity just look like add-ons that were included after the fact, like matted chrome faucets, decorative iron wall hangings, cheesy framed mirrors and more.

And then there's the toilet, which comes set behind a saloon door and is set into a wooden shelf, making the stall itself look very much like an old-country outhouse. (It should be noted that the stall is somewhat small and that saloon door that doesn't quite open all the way -- making it hard for people who are larger than 5 feet in height to get in or sit comfortably while they are inside.)

In fact, the overall vibe of the place is that of an outhouse -- a complete 180 from the interior, if you think about it. It's very rustic and Southern and backwoods in inspiration, and clearly the design is purposeful, funny and kitschy. So much so that I wondered if the toilet serves as a statement, saying that while we aim for sophistication on the outside, inside we're all the same and we all have to use the toilet and that's that.

I like the message, to be honest, and I like the kitsch of the design. But I'm just not sold 100% on the execution. Like I said, the aforementioned stall was a bit too tight of a fit -- it should be a bit more comfortable to use and enter and exit. And the toilet water in the commode was alarmingly blue in color -- almost like well-chlorinated pool water instead of water colored by a Tidy Bowl insert. What's with that?

Also, one of the urinals was not working and the lighting was a bit dimmer than it needed to be. A place this kitschy requires bright lights, so people can marvel at the effort taken by the designers to put it together and laugh with it. It's not a place for subtlety, such as the bar and dining room areas.

Another note: It's also a very clean bathroom and practically odor-free, which is an accomplishment worth mentioning since it's a beer bar at heart and it's located in a college town.

Marks out of 10:

7. As mentioned earlier, I like the attempt, but I'm not sold on the execution. Sorry.

Comments to the Management:

Make the lighting a little brighter. Fix the broken urinal (maybe already a moot point). Make that stall a little larger and easier to get into. And what's with that blue water?