La Cave Toilets Offer Modern-looking Art Nouveu Touches, Numbered Toilet Paper Rolls

La Cave
Boulevard Pereire Sud
Paris, France

Where is it?

From the front entrance, head towards the bar, which is located in the center of the restaurant.

Once there, go left, keeping the bar on your right. Just past the bar, you'll see a twisting staircase going downwards. The bathrooms are down there, behind some very ornate dark and heavy wooden doors.

What's it like?

This neighborhood bistro, just a short distance from La Defense, sits on the busy intersection of Boulevard Periere and Avenue de la Grand Armee, just a stone's throw from the Galerie Commerciale L'Atrium du Palais des Congres, a mammoth convention center that also houses many shopping and entertainment options.

It's a homey place with an upscale feel -- and it very obviously seems to cater more towards the business travelers than to tourists. Lots of white table clothes. A multi-tiered dining room. Tuxedo-donned waiters. A terrific raw bar sits outside the building, on the actual street corner, complete with its own fish monger.

Given the place's fish monger, the specialty is seafood, particularly shellfish. We had an enormous platter of Normandy oysters, sea snails, mussels, clams, prawns and more -- all of it matched exquisitely with a fine bottle of house white. It was one of the best seafood experiences of my life, particularly the oysters, which bested the flavor and freshness of any American oyster I've had (including the succulent ones I've had in from the Pacific Northwest).

The seafood bisque was also quite tasty and enjoyably pungent, though the steak frites, though well-prepared, seemed a little one-dimensional compared to the other flavors we experienced.

Still, the experience was lovely. We sat out a long storm, which went from rain to snow to rain, without feeling like we were ever pressed for time. Service is wonderful here, and prices are affordable for what you get. And because of the restaurant's location, nested near several other business-minded places, speaking English here did not make us feel out of place.

The toilets are spacious for a European bathroom. Sheer black tile covers the floor and the walls near the urinals in a matter reminiscent of Sensi and Okada in Las Vegas. (It doesn't quite achieve the poetry of those places, but it's not far off.) Other spots have the walls covered with dark wood, some of it shiny and new-looking and some of it chipped and worn in a way that gives it character instead of making it look like the place is falling apart.

The walking areas offer enough room for you to squeeze by people without feeling like you're intruding or compromising anyone's privacy. The urinals are made of white porcelain, but like the toilets at Sensi and Okada they juxtapose themselves against the black tile behind them and actually brought to mind paintings of Georgia O'Keefe, of all things. A wavy gold porcelain divider slickly separates the two urinals.

Gold plays a big role in the two stalls here as well, as one of the walls in them assumes the color. When coupled with the golden lighting here, and the bronze fixtures placed on the door knobs and such, it makes the place glow in a classical sense -- like you've stepped into an old-fashioned boudoir setting that has just installed some modern touches to stay with the times. Really very impressive.

Two white porcelain sinks sit at the far end of the room, with gold-framed mirrors hanging above them. The faucets are gold-plated chrome and look art-nouveau-inspired -- which also adds to the classical boudoir sensibility here.

On top of that, it's a very clean environment and odor free. The only faulty bits of wear and tear I found were near the trashcan, where the edge of the can had banged up against the wood backdrop one too many times. (A coat of paint would solve this easily.)

Other oddities include the tin-like paper towel dispenser, which needs to be updated, and the rolls of toilet paper hanging in the stalls. They are not covered and as a result you see the itemization stamp on them. Now, I like it when my bottle of wine is stamped and itemized. But my toilet paper? Needless to say, I felt very special.

Marks out of 10:

8. A few hit or miss areas can't suppress the place's overall elegance.

Comments to the Management:

I appreciate the old-fashioned vibe created here -- really makes the experience special. If you replace the paper towel dispenser so that it looks more modern instead of like an antique that's falling apart, and if you touch up the paint here and there as needed, you'll be approaching perfection.

Le Roi du Pot au Feu Toilet Features Soap on a Stick, Crusty Rag

Le Roi du Pot au Feu
34, Rue Vignon
Paris, France

Where is it?

This is a small place.

Just head to the very back, passing through the cozy dining room and keeping the bar to your right. You'll see a doorway at the very back, leading to a small hallway. Enter that hallway and the toilet will be on your right.

What's it like?

From the outside, this humble eatery looks like your standard Parisian restaurant, with its nondescript front awning and barely noticeable facade.

Inside, it feels much like a neighborhood brasserie, nothing more. The dining room is filled with cafe tables, many jammed together to make the most of the space allowed, and a small wooden bar takes up the right side of the area (with your back to the entrance).

That humble setting provides the backdrop for a truly stunning dining experience. The specialty here is Pot au Feu, a traditional French dish that involves the slow simmering of beef with various aromatic and root vegetables in a savory broth. In less capable hands, the dish becomes a one-dimensional boiled dinner, nothing more. In the skilled kitchen of this wonderful place, the dish takes on complexities and succulence you never thought possible in such a dish.

The dinner begins with a bowl of beef consomme, which comes straight from the pot where the rest of your dinner is being cooked. It's rich and delicate at the same time and it primes your palate for what's to come.

The main dish comes in a sprawling platter-sized bowl: On it, you get several hunks of perfectly stewed meat and plenty of veggies, like cabbage, parsnips, potatoes, carrots, onion, garlic and more. Again, it sounds like a bland meal, but the stock is so rich and flavorful it manages to work both as a soup and as a sauce that enhances the flavors of the veggies and meat. This is the ultimate beef dinner, if you think about it. I've never had it better.

The place also offers some outstanding desserts, including one of the best Tart Tatins I've ever had and an outstanding chocolate mousse. Free bottles of house wine are offered, and it's a wine that compliments the meal (food like this deserves to be coupled with wine) though at the same time it's nothing exceptional. (Upon leaving, I noticed that the house wine comes from boxes, not bottles, which are placed in faux wine barrels behind the bar to make it look like you're getting wine right from the cask. Very sneaky.) On the whole, this is a stupendous dining experience and one not to be missed while in Paris (unless you're a vegetarian, that is).

The bathroom experience here doesn't t equal the quality of the food (and I guess it shouldn't), but they certainly extend the old-fashioned vibe found in the dining room. Perhaps a little too much, that is.

This is a single chamber bathroom, suiting both sexes. It's a small place, nearing such tiny spaces as the Petro Palace lobby or the SkyBar in St. Petersburg, or even Monsoon in London. The room itself is thin and has an odd shape -- like a narrow trapezoid instead of a square or rectangular space. The toilet is in the thinner area, the sink sits opposite it, in the fatter area.

The toilet itself is clean enough, though nothing remarkable, and I didn't see much wear and tear here, though there was a slight foul air to it. The walls are covered in a beige-white tile pattern, and the floors are covered in a blander beige tile. The toilet has a beige tank and bowl and a white plastic seat cover. The sink is also made of beige porcelain. A soap dispenser hangs above the sink to the right. A hand drier hands to the immediate left of the sink (it's a narrow place). A piece of Flemish-inspired art - very well worn -- hangs above the toilet. In all, the toilet reminded me a lot of the one visited at Monsoon, in that its compact, small and nothing flashy but clean and humble enough. Only this didn't have the pink toilet paper.

There were two unique oddities here. The first is a bar of soap that hangs out of the wall near the sink via a metal spoke, which has been rammed through its center of it to support it and fix it to the wall. Not really sure why it's there, since a soft soap dispenser is just a few inches away, yet it's unique. I'm thinking that you wet your hands and then rub your wetted palms over the soap to lather up. Definitely unique, though I'm not quite sure how practical it is.

The second is a very old, crusty-looking gray rag hanging on a coat hanger just above the hand drier. I'm guessing this is here so people who don't like hand driers can dry their hands on it. But it looks like it hasn't been washed in ages, and as a result I'm not sure it's the most sanitary of options. Again, very peculiar.

Marks out of 10:

6. It's a tight fit and clean, but nothing luxurious, that's for sure. Plus, the soap on a stick and the crusty rag add some mystery to the experience, but not exactly in a good way.

Comments to the Management:

To be honest, the food is so good here, it almost forgives the misgivings of the bathroom. On the other hand, making the place a little roomier (if possible) would be nice, and perhaps include some visual instructions on how to use the soap on a stick properly, because I'm still a little confused over it. Also -- and this is an obvious point -- put a clean rag in there.

Po-Mo Design Touches Make Toilets at Musée de l’Orangerie Unpleasant and Prison-Like

Musée de l’Orangerie
Jardin des Tuileries
Paris, France
www.musee-orangerie.fr

Where is it?

You enter the museum on the top floor. After going inside, walk past the ticket and coat/item check counter and into the belly of the building. Once there, you'll see stairways leading downwards and a bridge taking you to the back half of the museum, where Monet's mammoth "Waterlilies" are exhibited.

Go downstairs using the stairs on your right (while facing the the Monet exhibit entrance). Go down two floors (the museum gift shop is at the bottom of the first flight). At the bottom of the stairs, taken an immediate u-turn into the enclave there, which is where the toilets are. (Signs will be posted at the bottom of the stairs.)

What's it like?

This modern-looking museum, home to Monet's famed "Waterlilies" murals for more than 100 years, is a modest art house compared to most Paris museums. That doesn't mean its small, though. It's just not as large as, say, the Louvre of the D'Orsay.

The focus here is on Monet's masterpiece and the other impressionistic works from the same period (mid-to-late 1800s and early 1900s). So visitors here can explore a dozen or so galleries dedicated to masters like Renoir, Picasso, Matisse, Rousseau, Utrillo, Soutine and Derain, among others. The galleries are large but modest in design, allowing you to get up close and personal with these masterpieces and take your time viewing the art without fear of going to slow.

The centerpiece, of course, is Monet's enormous murals, which comprise two entire gallery halls of the museum, both of which are lit exclusively by natural light, making the experience that much more organic. For fans of the era's art, this museum can't be beat in terms of collection, experience and quality. Coupled it with an afternoon at the nearby Musee D'Orsay for a modern art experience of heavenly proportions.

Though the works here are of rooted in the golden age of Impressionism, the design of the building and the bathrooms are decidedly post-modern. Concrete is the main building block used here, and its implementation gives the place a cool, slick look and feel (which is quickly warmed by the matted colors found in the various galleries).

The toilets here make the most of these constructs, but not always to good effect. Visitors experience a dimly lit environment with little wall decoration (just concrete, really) and plenty of po-mo touches.

The central area of the men's room is large and cave-like at the same time, and despite the apparent roominess of the place it still feels very claustrophobic, even prison-like.

A set of three urinals stand along the front wall, looking like art installation pieces (a technique that reminded me a lot of the toilets experienced at Sensi and Okada in Las Vegas.)

The stalls along the back wall are separated by floor-to-ceiling doors, which are triggered to turn on a stall light whenever you open, close and step inside. Thus, when you first open the door, the light above the toilet is off, making you think you're about to enter a stall that will have you doing your business in near-pitch blackness. However, after you close the door, the light turns on, easing those sudden fears.

Of course, the light is very sharp and at first makes you think you're sitting under a heat lamp, which doesn't necessarily make you feel any more comfortable than you would you feel by sitting in the darkness, come to think of it.

If that weren't bad enough, the stall doors (because they are floor-to-ceiling and require some thicker material to compensate for the wiring switch inside them) keep odors in the stall with amazing skill. Thus, when you first open that door and see a small toilet in a dark stall, you get a nasty whiff of the previous inhabitant's business and it makes you think you're about to enter the deepest gate of hell..... Yes, very bad.

On the plus side, the stalls are covered with beige tile and the toilet is fixed to the wall in an ornamental fashion that again reminded me of the toilets at Sensi and Okada in Las Vegas, which employed a similar effect.

The flush mechanism here is foot-pedal based, however instead of having a standard pedal to step on, the designers have chosen to use a rubber push pedal thingamajig, which (no doubt because it's gotten worn down over the years) requires a good deal of pin-point pressure to initiate (you really have to press down on it), which in turn strains your foot and leg some because you thought it would be easier than it was.

A similar rubber push pedal mechanism is used by the vanity, to start the flow of water at the sinks. The sinks here are stainless metallic troughs built into a concrete slab. When you approach them, you think the water will come on automatically (the sleek design gives you that impression, as does the fact that the urinals have sensor-driven automatic flush mechanisms attached to them) but it doesn't, and as a result you start scrambling, looking for a way to turn the water on. Not very fun after you've soaped up your hands with a basic push-pump dispenser, I should add.

Anyway, it took me a while to figure out that to push on these rubber dots on the floor with your foot to get the water to start. And really, had I not visited the toilet moments earlier, I still might be there, trying to figure it out. And like in the toilet the pedal is hard to push, making it hard to keep the water on while you wash up. This is easily the most confusing and most difficult-to-use water faucet I've ever experienced -- even the O2 gave us directions, you know?

Given all these po-mo additions, you would expect to find an automatic hand drier. But no, there isn't one there either -- like the soap dispenser, the hand towels are kept in those primitive European models that essentially keep a long towel bound up inside a container. You pull the towel down to find a dry spot and dry your hands. Like all those old contraptions, the towels always jam and you have to dry your hands on a wet towel. Fun.

Also worth noting: The towels are at the opposite end of the room from the sinks, and as a result water gets dribbled everywhere after you wash your hands and those drops literally liter the floor, thanks to the concrete tile here, which highlights the water spots all too well. This is the furthest I've seen a towel dispenser put from a sink since my visit to Famous Phil's in Orlando.

Marks out of 10:

5. The po-mo touches are interesting at first, but the lack of functionality here, as well as the cave-like/prison-like feel and harsh, looming smells, ultimately make this a foul toilet-going experience.

Comments to the Management:

I appreciate you wanted to do something different, if not fitting, to the environment. However, you still need to remember the basics, which it seems are not a consideration. For one, increase the ventilation here so the smells aren't so sharp, especially in the toilet stalls. Second, move the towels closer to the sinks. Third, put some direction sheets on the walls so people know how to use the foot pedals. Fourth: Consider piping in some house music here to make the place a little friendlier. Fifth: Make those foot pedals easier to use, either by installing new levers or making them sensor driven. While it may feel trendy on the surface, a public toilet shouldn't be so purposefully off-putting.

Bicester Village Toilets Offer Up New England Modernity and Style in Old England

Bicester Outlet Shopping Village
50 Pingle Dr
Bicester
United Kingdom
www.bicestervillage.com

Where is it?

After parking, head for the shopping area's central boulevard, which cuts between the two lengthy rows of buildings and shops. Once there, look for the Pret a Manger cafe. The bathrooms can be found down the corridor to the right of that business front.

What's it like?

This tourist-filled shopping outlet, located about 10 minutes away from Oxford, features plenty of high-end retailers, selling everything from designer fashions to bedding to perfume to cookware, among other things. While set in the picturesque English countryside, the look of the place is more like upper-class New England, especially Gloucester or Martha's Vineyard, with the buildings carrying a strong nautical theme and painted in muted pastels, than England.

The bathrooms extend the New World upper-crust feel of the place, thanks to their classy and decidedly modern design. Glossy wooden panels cover the walls. Elegant black tile covers the floor in a way that reminds me of the wonderful toilets experienced at Sensi in the Bellagio. Clearly, the designers wanted to impress people here and I thank them for that.

A row of urinals with black dividers sits against one wall -- very chic in appearance, though the barriers were set a little low for my tastes. In the back is a set of three toilet stalls, each with the same elegant wood paneling comprising its walls and door. Very comfortable and quite possibly the most stylish and private-feeling stall (set in a mass-service bathroom) I've been in since my visit to the Wynn Las Vegas.

Opposite the urinals, the vanity features a black marble (to match the floor) and four in-set sinks, as well as a stretch mirror hanging over it. Though the faucets aren't automatic (which reminded me some of of the Delta Crown Room Toilets at JFK) they are not the old-school variety of push-button faucets (like in the aforementioned Crown Room).

Even better: The hand soap used here is Gilchrist and Soames -- and you feel the luxury in the choice the instant it makes contact with your hands. So silky......

Marks out of 10:

9. Easily the best public toilets visited while in England, and some of the best mass-service facilities experienced outside of Las Vegas and Orlando, to be honest.

Comments to the Management:

Nearly perfect. The only change I would make would be to life the urinal barriers some, which would enhance the privacy factor some.

Don't Sit on the Seats at Blenheim Palace Indoor Toilets

Blenheim Palace
Indoor Toilets (near cafe)
Woodstock
Oxfordshire
United Kingdom
www.blenheimpalace.com

Where is it?

From the outside, round the main palace building and head towards the Water Terrace Cafe, which is on the back side of the palace (if coming in from the Woodstock entrance), overlooking the majestic Water Terrace gardens, which feature many sculptures, topiary and waterworks displays.

To get to the toilets, enter the cafe from the exterior entrance, pass through to the hallway on the other side of it, and follow the signs from there to the toilets. You'll go downstairs eventually and enter a humble corridor filled with various artifacts. In that hallway, you'll see a sign reading "Ladies and Gentlemen Toilet" -- with an arrow pointing to your left.

(This sign, of course, gave me quite a laugh because, taken at face value, it serves both as a directional and a declaration -- as in, "Ladies and Gentleman, I present you with TOILETS!" Pretty amusing, I thought.)

What's it like?

These are slightly smaller facilities than the palace's outdoor toilets, however they are also more ornate and more traditionally English in spirit than that other set.

The walls here are covered half in white tile and half in green-painted drywall. The floor is covered in beige tile. The back wall houses three urinals, all hooked up to a single pipe system that enforces an automatic flush mechanism on them (like how it's set up in the outdoor toilets). It also features two pedestal sinks on the side wall, and two toilet stalls in the back, one small and one set for handicapped persons.

The toilets here are similar in design to the ones found in the outdoor toilets, in that they are white porcelain models with wooden seats. However, the stalls here are a cut above the outdoor toilets in that they are roomier (even the small one is roomy) and they feature unique pocket doors instead of the standard hinged door you find at so many other places.

The pocket doors, I must admit, make a nice touch and infuse the place with a big of traditional English elegance. However, the bathroom itself was quite a mess and somewhat smelly. So much so that it became unpleasant to be there. No doubt this is because these facilities are heavily visited, whereas the outdoor toilets are not used as much.

On my first visit, a group of schoolboys stopped in before I did, and they were ramshackled the place. There was water everywhere, as well as plenty of mis-directed urine. This was most noticeable in the stall itself, where I found the floor and toilet seat covered with pee. Also, the smell of urine here was very sharp.

On a second visit, about an hour or so later, I had hoped to find the placed cleaned up but this wasn't the case. It was still in a considerable state of disorder and pee was still covering the toilet seat and stall floor. Needless to stay, I opted to walk to the outdoor toilets to do my business and found them in perfectly acceptable condition.

Marks out of 10:

4. A nice, old-fashioned design, but that fact gets lost in the mess I found here. A good place for a pee but not for much more, at least not until they are cleaned properly.

Comments to the Management:

Clearly, you need to figure out a better schedule of maintenance, since leaving the place in such a state isn't acceptable. (No doubt there's a reason no one used that stall in the hour or so that passed in between my first and second visits.) Also, some air freshener would be much appreciated. Quite a disappointment, since the outdoor toilets made for such a nice stop.