Bathroom Decor Indicates Small Town Diner Doubles as Harley Davidson Hangout

Town House Restaurant
9 E Broadway St
Oviedo, FL USA 32765

Where is it?

The dining room here is shaped like an "L." So from the main entrance, head to the cashier (the counter is fixed into the apex of the "L") and then go left until you hit the back wall. A small door leading to the bathrooms (which are located in a small hallway behind that door) can be found there.

What's it like?

This is one of the better diners in the Orlando area, thanks to its no nonsense menu, great service, unpretentious decor and many regular customers -- all of which makes you feel like you're always welcome here. The restaurant itself is set in the dead center of Orlando suburb Oviedo, the the awkward crisscross of the streets outside often make for a few parking complications (especially on weekends, when the church goers of the area bombard the place after services finish). Still, it's worth suffering some road rage for this place. The decor is filled with community-based items like kids' drawings and softball team pictures (they sponsor a team, of course) and the menu offers plenty of well-prepared and affordable comfort foods, as well as an assortment of decent Greek items (thanks to the Greek family that now owns it).

Given that, you'd expect the bathrooms to be modest little spots that exude the same cozy, comfortable feelings as those expressed in the dining room.

But no!

The bathrooms (at least the men's room) are decked out in Harley Davidson colors -- and not in a subtle way. Matted orange paint covers the walls. Light gray tile covers the floors. Weathered white tile covers the lower walls and the areas around the white porcelain sink and urinal. There's even a huge Harley emblem on one wall!

Clearly this homey restaurant has a darker side to it. And maybe it's wholesome church-going clientele isn't as innocent as it seems...... Or maybe the owners of nearby Bill's Elbow South (once a neighbor of the Town House before it moved to the Oviedo Market Place) helped them design the loos here?

Hmm.....

Anyway, it's clean and orderly for the most part, save for a bit of unique tile work (see picture to right). The urinals are of the old variety, which stretch to the floor (instead of being mini-toilets). The sink and stalls, as well as the tile work, are a bit weathered, and the bathroom itself is a touch on the narrow side (almost like they tried to revamp it some and settled on painting it instead), which could make it a tight fit if more than one person were waiting for the urinal at a given moment.

Marks out of 10:

7. While the Harley decor has its appeal and interesting notes, the place could still use a bit of a makeover. So it's just barely a 7.

Comments to the Management:

Perhaps it's time to get new fixtures and tile, just to go along with the new paint job. May I suggest black sinks?

Bar's Bathrooms Anything But Sporty -- Especially During Slow Lunchtime Rush

Sanford Ale House
50 Towne Center Circle
Sanford, FL USA 32771

http://www.alehouseinc.com

Where is it?

From the entrance, go left, past half of the dining room, then the bar, then the high-top tables behind the bar, and then head to the back corner, past the pool tables and high tops behind the bar, until you reach a small wall dividing the dining room and the waitress stations. Go behind the dividing wall and head left (go right and you'll find the soft drink fountains) and you'll find the bathrooms there.

What's it like?

This sports bar chain has several locations in the area. It's a semi-rowdy place that's a big hit with sports fans, especially the college football fans of the area. Inside, the place is styled like a classic New England pub, filled with wooden floors, a well-polished, enormous wooden bar in the center, plenty of wooden tables and high-tops and a vast array of TVs and beer signs on the walls. The food is decent enough, though at times its too greasy (I always feel like I gained 10 pounds when I leave the place), and their wings are some of the better in town (at least from a chain's point of view -- my vote still goes to Tom and Money's, which has been renamed something else of late, I hear, and Hurricane Wings, which will be reviewed in the coming weeks).

Given that this is a place where sports guys and frat boys tend to congregate, you can imagine that the bathrooms are an utter mess. And they are. If you think about it, the patrons usually come here to fill up on beer and junk food, so pit stops are inevitable, especially since most visits are for a minimum of three to four hours (given that's the average length of a football game). As a result, you can expect some wear and tear from the bathrooms.

Design-wise, the loos themselves are nothing special: Small rooms with four toilets in all (two urinals, two commodes) with green linoleum on the floor, a green vanity counter, and white tile on the walls. Little wall decor or any other bit of sports bar personality can be found here (clearly the designers haven't been to the Celebration Town Tavern, where this sort of decor is done well).

In terms of overall cleanliness: On the whole, the city's Ale Houses manage to keep things a little tidy on the bathroom front (like the one on University -- still unreviewed -- or the one by the airport -- also unreviewed). The Sanford one was messy as hell however -- a point made all the more disappointing since my stop was during lunch on a weekday, not during any sort of game. Worse still, it was a very slow lunch rush indeed.

I found spilled water everywhere, paper towels and toilet paper covering the floor, mis-sprayed urine on toilet seats and a funky, immensely strong stink of pee in the air. Certainly not very sporty, to say the least.

Mind you, I might expect the loos here to be in this condition after this year's big Florida-LSU night game, as 250 Gator fans no doubt sought to purge the sorrow they felt when they're team lost it in the final minutes by drinking mass quantities of cheap beer and then hitting the head en mass. But not on a slow lunch on a weekday, with maybe 50 patrons in the place tops.

Marks out of 10:

4. Almost rated a 5 but the fact that the place wasn't busy and still managed to be the dirtiest Ale House restroom I'd visited dropped it down a notch.

Comments to the Management:

I understand that bathrooms can't always be monitored when the place is busy, but that mentality certainly doesn't apply when the place is empty. In down times, get someone in there to tidy up a bit. Also, bring some extra air freshener, like Sebastian's Country Ham N Eggs does.

Big Boy Offers A Clean but Sterile Throwback to the Past

Big Boy Restaurant
795 Gateway Drive
Altamonte Springs, FL USA 32714

http://www.bigboy.com

Where is it?

From the entrance, head straight to the merchandise counter and turn immediately left, around the cashier and into the back left corner of the restaurant. You'll find the bathrooms there.

What's it like?

This chain offers a throwback to the classic diners of the 1950s, where unpretentious greasy spoon food was served by overly friendly waitresses in a comfortable yet slightly tacky setting. The dining room is spotless and filled with bright yellows, reds and whites. The service is spectacularly attentive and friendly (upon sitting down, the first thing our waitress said was, "Hello, friends, can I get you a root beer or milkshake?" to which we responded, "Hell, yeah!"). And the food is decent, well-prepared and comforting. A solid diner through and through -- and with some great French fries to boot!

The bathrooms follow suit, offering a clean environment that's both comfortable and cozy, yet a touch on the sterile side. Black linoleum covers the floor, and the walls are coated in bright white tiles with occasional red tile highlights to break the monotony. The sink and toilets, both made of gleaming white porcelain, are spotless.

The only fault I found is, like I said, that the place feels a bit too sterile. Adding some kitschy wall decor or other bits of personality would alleviate this issue and make the loo just as relaxing as the rest of the place.

Marks out of 10:

7. A very good bathroom that could reach a level of minor greatness if it loosened up a bit more.

Comments to the Management:

People like clean but they don't like robotic clean. As mentioned earlier, consider adding some throwback items to the walls or including similar items around the place to lighten the mood a little. This is a very good bathroom that could reach a level of minor greatness if it had a little more fun with the setting.

Stuckey's Offers Little Privacy for Pee -- and Watch Out for Federal Immigration Agents and Alligators Too!

Stuckey's of Fellsmere
I-95 Exit 156
10950 County Road 512
Sebastian, FL USA

http://www.stuckeys.com

Where is it?

Like most Stuckey's, this place wears many hats. It's part gas station, part souvenir shop, part fast food restaurant and part convenience store.

Given the four identities, you'd think four bathrooms would accommodate the place. But no! There's only one bathroom here and it's a shoddy one tucked in the way back left corner of the shop, past the restaurant, convenience store, gas station cashier and souvenir shop.

Of course you'll have to go through the whole lot of it to the loo, making it a bit of a tedious trek, especially if you're in a hurry.... To make the most of the trip, stick towards the souvenirs section, where you can see everything from Florida-orange-based foods (jams, jellies, marinades, etc.) to preserved baby alligator heads. Yum.

What's it like?

The store around it isn't all that clean to begin with. Not that it's overtly dirty, but it also isn't exactly sparkling. For example, the floors are mopped but you can still see accumulations of dust and grime on them.

The bathrooms are like that as well. White tiles, white porcelain fixtures, all of it serviceable but all of it also in need of some serious upkeep and updating. The wear and tear on the surroundings here certainly make the place look more run-down than it is, and it also highlights the grime hiding in the corners (a major oversight for anyone with a completely white bathroom, if you think about it).

Functionally speaking, the sink faucets seem to have disappeared (perhaps eaten by one of the alligators in the souvenir shop?), leaving you to turn on the water by twisting these round metal knobs that sort of work and sort of don't. Expect lots of dripping here. It's also kind of gross, considering the place isn't that clean to begin with.

Worse still, the men's room had no front door to it, and the secondary door is propped open permanently, which means that anyone entering the area can easily listen in to what's going on inside (or even peek, if he or she wanted to). Not exactly a desire setting for those in need of a longer visit. The fact that the place looks like an open locale to pick up migrant workers makes this oversight all the more frightening, because it adds a shoddy connotation to the place here. On top of it being a migrant hangout, you now must face the fact that immigration may at any second burst down the stall door in search of their man.

Marks out of 10:

3. Could be higher but the fact that you can't close the bathroom door here really bothers me. I enjoy my privacy, even in shoddy surroundings, and I don't like to feel like I must be hurried. I don't mind the migrant thing -- heck, it's citrus country, so they're definitely needed to work the groves -- but do you have to let them board work buses in front of the place?

Comments to the Management:

Time to overhaul and update the place. It seriously needs it. Consider adding some knickknacks from the souvenir shop (or even some wall decor, like an add for the restaurant food) to give it some semblance of character.

Watch Out for Dangerous Nun On the Run

Cafe-Bistro Am Pferdemarkt
Pferdemarkt 5
31785
Hameln
Germany

No web site but there’s a good picture on google earth.


Where is it?

You might want to jot this one down. Go through the main front doors of the restaurant. Head to the bar at the back of the restaurant. You’ll think this is the end of the place, but you’d be wrong. Look right and you’ll see a little passage that looks like it should head to the kitchens. Go down it and you’ll see it opens up into a whole second restaurant. Go down there and on the left there is an entrance to the toilets. Women head right, men to the left.


What’s it like?

Hameln (Hamelin to you and me) is the place where the Pied Piper did his stuff. Very quaint and very clean. The town has a family vibe to it that makes you feel at home, and although I’m sure its more of a tourist trap than we would have seen early evening midweek, it seemed to be mostly German speaking and authentic.

They also did some great beer and after a tough meeting earlier in the day I’d have to admit to having partaken in one or two (or was it three) before I decided to head off to the toilette. I headed off to the bar looking forward to the imminent consumption of goulash. When I got there I managed my German for where’s the toilet and was obviously still sober enough to understand the instructions coming back at me. But could they really be correct? Getting ready for the mugging I found myself in the second restaurant, with several other diners eating away. Not so weird after all. And oh yeah, there are the toilets.

So there I am entering the toilets, for no particular reason feeling rather smug with myself, when the door is flung open and I am literally knocked over by a flying nun who is positively running. At this point I just give up. Pied pipers I’m prepared for but a very Italian Whoopee Goldberg was not what I was expecting.

So what about the toilets? Well, I guess the drama of getting to them has something of the entertainment factor. When you get in there the facilities have the feel of being Wimpy cast offs that have been around for a few years. Red grout and white tile never did it for wimpy and it certainly didn’t do it here. The toilets are also pretty cold on what wasn’t a cold day, but given that they are clean and everything worked they were certainly serviceable.


Marks out of 10:

5 as they could do with some updating.


Comments to the management:

Basic, but it’s good you keep them clean.