Another Longhorn, Another Rootin' Tootin' Toilet

Longhorn Steakhouse
6691 Lake Andrew Drive
Melbourne, FL USA 32940
321/632-9990
www.longhornsteakhouse.com

Where is it?

This one's a little challenging to find. From the main entrance, head to the back wall, with the bar to your right and the dining room to your left. Take an immediate left, through the back section of the dining hall, and keep walking towards the far wall until you're about 50 feet from the edge of the restaurant. At that point, look for a corridor on your right that looks a little like a waitress station but doesn't have a cashier or drink station there. That's your destination.

What's it like?

While not exactly an identical match to the other Longhorn bathroom reviewed on this site, this bathroom still manages to reproduce the charm of that aforementioned loo, albeit in a more subdued (or should I say "sub-dude" since this is a cowboy-inspired steakhouse) manner.

It's clean, spacious, quiet and filled with cheesy-but-fun Wild West-inspired decor. No, the stalls aren't made to look like outhouses (like in the other location), but there's still plenty of humorous memorabilia to be found here, especially on the walls. Plus, modern design (marble vanity counter, automatic sinks, silky foam hand soap, etc.) adds a sense of restraint to the mix, making it clear the place takes its facilities seriously but not so serious as to not make it devoid of fun for visitors.

I wasn't awed by what I experienced here but I did smile a lot -- and for chain restaurants, that's certainly welcome.

Marks out of 10:

8.

Comments to the Management:

A good, solid bathroom that extends the theme of the restaurant. While not stellar, I'm not sure there's much room for improvement either. So.... keep up the good work, pard'ner!

Craven Picks Over Remains of Old Toilet

Craven Arms
Brockhampton
Cheltenham
Gloucestershire
GL54 5XQ
UK

Where is it?

Easy this one. As you come in from the car park head directly left and virtually double back on yourself and you’ll be right there for the mens’.


What’s it like?

This place reminds me of the Fox in Great Barrington as one of those Pubs in the Cotswolds that have not quite pulled of the move in to the 21st Century. The menu shows some effort however can’t compete with the very many pubs that manage to give good tasty food with flair. Charging more might help them make this transformation, but I guess they’re probably scared of putting off their mainly aged customers. This is a pity because all ways around you end up with a bad deal. What seems cheap on the menu becomes bad value when it’s on the plate in front of you.

The same can be said for the décor. It’s not that bad all round, but with that little bit of effort could be something spectacular. The comfy sitting room is all OK if a little worn. The restaurant space tries to blend in with the 16th century cottage feel and just ends up dull and sterile at the same time with an expanse of tile.

I wish I could be more positive with the toilets. Well they’re OK. In fact let me give credit where credit is due. A lot of effort has gone in to them. There is a great orchid and pot-purée, great curtains too. Effort has been put in to painting the walls bright white and making them clean. In fact the toilet cubical is perfectly nice.

But here’s the rub. Taking a 50-year-old toilet and giving it some paint will never quite do the trick. The rusty radiator and warn sink let the whole place down. All the effort that would usually score highly goes to waste as you cannot ignore the fact the facilities are ancient.

The owner of this place fails to see things through the modern customers’ eyes. Like the fact that talking to the locals rather than serving your customers and helping out your rushed and over worked staff is not a good move she can’t seem to see that customer don’t want to see effort, they want to see comfortable and completely clean toilet. No rust. Proper heating. No unwanted smells. Get it? Probably not.


Marks out of 10:

5 for the effort and the fact everything worked.


Comments to the management:

This place has such potential and is let down by through no lack of effort (in the toilet at least). Spend some money and I’m sure you’ll get some good returns.

Surprising Luxury at Millennia Mall

The Mall at Millenia
4200 Conroy Road,
Orlando, FL USA 32839

http://www.mallatmillenia.com/experience/experience.htm


Where is it?

Go through the palatial main entrance. As you enter the restaurant court head left. There you’ll find the luxurious waiting area. Women head left, men head along and then left.


What’s it like?

The Luxurious: The Sumptuous: The Unexpected: The Experience.

That’s how this mall’s web site announces itself. And I have to say this is where I’d go to get away from it all. Not to buy anything you understand. No, I’d save that for the outlets. But it is a good place to have a meal and generally hang out in relatively quiet air-conditioned surroundings.

The first time I went here I had to get Eyal to go see the facilities. They’re not over the top, but you’d really not expect to find such high-grade facilities in a mall. It starts with the waiting area. The faux leather sofas set this place up fine. And hey, they also serve a purpose. You’re partner is bound to take their time here, so a comfy place to sit does come in handy.

Then there are the facilities themselves. The first thing to strike you is that they are spotlessly clean. The second is that they have a really high quality feel. Granite rather than plastic dividers between the urinals and stools shows that thought and expense has not been spared. Every appliance is chrome, and surprisingly sparkly. Never a smudge to be seen!

My only question is how do they do it? I’ve never seen anyone in there cleaning.


Marks out of 10:

10. Just super!


Comments to the management:

By far the best toilets I’ve seen in a Mall.

Grand Lakes' Loos May Be Most Regal in O-Town

JW Marriott Orlando, Grande Lakes
4040 Central Florida Pkwy
Orlando, FL USA 32837
(407) 206-2300

Where is it?

There are dozens of public toilets in this luxury hotel. The one visited was on the G Level, across from meeting room Amarante 1. To get there, enter through the main entrance, head north through the hotel's shopping area (where you'll find a Starbucks and John Craig, among others) until you reach the escalators. Go down one level, turn right, then immediately left. The bathrooms will be on your left about 20 feet down the hallway.

What's it like?

The JW Marriott Grand Lakes is an enormous hotel in the south part of Orlando, filled with many fine dining options (and the best macaroni and cheese in town by far!), top-notch golf and spacious rooms. As expected, their public toilets are immaculate stations, supremely clean, spacious, classy, sophisticated and comfortable. Quite a mix, considering that most toilets of this caliber offer only a selection of those qualities, not all of them at once.

The facilities themselves are pristine: Roomy stalls and urinal areas, sparkling, in perfect working order, and offering much privacy. The bathroom itself holds about 10 stalls, which makes it a bit daunting at first (so many choices!) but once you've settled in you'll feel nothing but comfort and coziness. If only there were vending machines in the stalls -- I would have been there all day!

The vanity is highlighted by a row of ornate mirrors, as well as various wicker and glass decorations. A pleasing floral scent greats you the instant you open the door (making even the smelliest of deposits seem unembarrassing), and a soundtrack of hip-yet-soothing new-age-inspired house music plays on the sound system above -- just loud enough to excuse any noises you might make but so loud as to cause you to feel rushed or uncomfortable.

Other highlights include: a temperature control set cooler than expected (which makes a pleasing counterpoint if stepping in from outside -- the entrance to the pool is only 50 feet away); the golden lighting that shines down from the ceiling (really embodies the luxury mindset here); the choice of drying your hands with terrycloth or paper towels (you deposit the former in a wicker laundry basket when done -- another nice touch); and some of the silkiest, most flowery smelling hand soap I've ever tried.

Marks out of 10:

10. It ain't heaven, but it's close. I actually asked about rent prices before checking out of the hotel -- sadly, it was out of my range.

Comments to the Management:

Sheer perfection. Keep up the good work.

Lone Windex Bottle Patrols Bathroom Ineffectively at Super Buffet

Super Orient Buffet
4525 S Semoran Blvd
Orlando, FL USA 32822
Phone: (407) 380-5583

Where is it?

From the front entrance, head to the back wall of place, staying to the right of the buffet tables. You’ll see a small doorway there (a little hard to spot amid the continuous stretch of wood paneling covering the walls, mind you, but not impossible) to the right of the double doors leading to the kitchen -- the bathrooms are there.

What’s it like?

Though still popular with people from the neighborhood (and those willing to venture a few miles north of the airport to get something to eat that isn't chain-restaurant based), this once decent locals buffet now stands as one of the city's lesser Oriental eateries, with a wide, all-you-can-eat menu of flatly fried foods, off-tasting noodle and rice dishes and an assortment of other sketchy items that probably should be left at bay on your go-arounds. (Granted, I was in the minority on this -- most of the people there, and there were many -- were having four or five plates' worth of the stuff, but I could barely stomach one.)

A former pizza hut, the interior, as previously stated, consists primarily of medium-toned wood paneling and a sharp, bright lighting that accentuates the drab carpeting and steam rising from the many chafing dishes, as well as the spaciousness surrounding the buffet itself.

The toilets extend the tackiness to a degree, although they are more crammed, weathered, darkened and soiled than expected. (Clearly the restaurant's interior has received a face lift in the last five years, but the bathroom looks like it hadn't been touched up in years.) My visit also featured a run-in with a local who spent more than 5 minutes combing his hair (he was nearly bald, it should be stated) at the bathroom's lone sink. In fact, I had to stand behind him a few minutes and clear my throat several times before he got the hint that someone was waiting to use the sink. (I guess he didn't see me staring back at him in the mirror?)

If that weren't odd enough, the sink and floor was covered with standing water and paper towels -- it was as if someone had started to clean the place but had given up on the task because it seemed too arduous. (Either that or my combing friend had more to hide than a receding hairline.)

Stranger yet, a lone bottle of Windex sat atop the vanity here, looking like a guard that no longer had any idea what it was protecting. An more than apt metaphor for this loo, I'm sorry to say.

Marks out of 10:

4. Serious work needed to improve the facilities here, metaphor or not.

Comments to the Management:

Someone stopped caring here, it seems. Time to bring the passion for your business back, I say. Or, at least give that lone Windex bottle a friend -- he looks lonely, all there by himself, and that only adds to his overall ineffectiveness.