New England-Style Tavern Offers Much Amusng Beer-Related Fun

Celebration Town Tavern
721 Front Street
Celebration, FL USA 34747

www.thecelebrationtowntavern.com

Where Is It?

From the main entrance, head down the entrance corridor and then turn left, past the metallic sheen of the open kitchen and prep station and down along the dark wood bar and the plasma TVs hanging on the walls, to a little hallways in the back corner marked "Restrooms."

What's It Like?

Fans of the show "Cheers" will like this New England-sports-inspired establishment, which mixes the friendly Irish-bar wood and brass fixtures made famous on that TV-created drinking establishment with a slew of sports-themed wall decorations, like signed jerseys by Patriot's QB Tom Brady's and PK Adam Vinateri (though a real New England fan would have taken the latter down since Vinateri chose not to re-sign with the Pats this past year), nostalgic photos of the Red Sox and Celtics glory days (Ted Williams, Carl Y, and the rest), and tons of amusing signs tailored towards the beer-drinking advocate. No mention of the Bruins' Bobby Orr or Ray Borque from what I could see.....

The food is decidedly New England-based as well (though much more expensive), with a menu filled with items like steamed lobsters and clams (flown in fresh from New England, of course), fried seafood platters, lobster rolls and the rest. Also, the place has about 30 microbews on tap (none from New England, ironically enough), with Sam Adams varieties taking up a majority of the selections.

The bathrooms extend the dining room's decor, offering a cozy yet chic environment filled with dark woods, bright tiles, solid green walls, marble counters and plenty of wall-mounted beer-related memoribilia. (My favorite was a sign showing the Periodic Chart of Beer Styles positioned over the urinals.)

They were clean but also a bit unkept -- I was there for a mid-afternoon lunch and already the floor was starting to fill with bits of torn paper and spilt water. It wasn't so bad that you could go, of course, but it was noticeable. (And really, you could easily ignore the less-clean apsects of the bathroom by focusing more on the novelty signs. Did you know element 43 on the table is "Dubbel?")

Marks out of 10:

7. Needs just a little more work keeping the place clean throughout the day.

Comments to the Management:

Did you know element 10 on the table is "Pale Ale?"

Daffodil Dungeon?

The Daffodil
18-20 Suffolk Parade
Cheltenham
Gloucestershire
GL50 2AE
United Kingdom

http://www.thedaffodil.co.uk/


Where is it?

When you arrive at the restaurant you will enter what was the ticketing area for this ex cinema. Take in the smell of the lilies as you head past the reception desk. Then head left and through the doors that have the toilets clearly signed. Once through the doors follow around to the right and downwards. The male toilets are on the right.


What’s it like?

These toilets would have been under the seating in the cinema, so it should not be any surprise that it all feels rather subterranean. Still they are ultra clean and some effort has been taken to remove the cold edge with a table with tissues and other conveniences on it. What’s more they have managed to keep the original 1920’s fixtures in here. This means it is like taking a step back into history. Not the most comfy place to pee, but extremely cool nevertheless.

This is another place that has good smells. I’ve already mentioned the smell of the lilies in the lobby. This adds an inviting touch that makes you want to go back again and again, something the proprietors have not missed with the hand soap either. I was in a rush so didn’t notice until I was back at the table, but hell it smelt good.

Another thing to mention about this place is that it isn’t too expensive and is one of the coolest restaurants in town. The food is thoughtful but isn’t messed with too much. If you’re in Cheltenham I’d recommend a visit.



Marks out of 10:

For cleanliness and authenticity a 9.


Comments to the management:

The timewarp wins you this score!

Kabob's: Little Eatery Plays Host to Roomy Bathroom

Kabob's
700 Babcock St. NE #37
Palm Bay, FL USA 32905

Where is it?

In the back of the restaurant. Just go straight through the dining room, to the corridor starting at the back wall. Once there, go right and you'll find the bathrooms. (Go left and you'll end up in the kitchen.)

What's it like?

This is a unpretentious Middle Eastern eatery in a mostly Spanish part of Palm Bay. The decor is simple (a few wall paintings of Jerusalem's Old City, some plain tables) and the food is delicious, especially the falafel (some of the best I've had) and the kabobs (of course).

The bathrooms are your of your standard strip-mall variety, with white drywall walls and plain black laminate on the floor, but it's very clean and remarkably roomy. In fact, while I was washing my hands here, my mother called and as we talked my voice echoed so much she asked me if I was in a train station. She didn't believe me when I said I was in a bathroom at a small Middle Eastern restaurant in Palm Bay -- nor did she attempt to get off the phone when I told her this. Sigh.

Marks out of 10:

7. Functional, clean and roomy.

Comments to the Management:

None.

Little Too Much "Yellow" at This Hip Cafe

Yellow Dog Cafe
905 U.S. Highway 1
Malabar, FL USA 32950

www.yellowdogcafe.com

Where is it?

From the maitre d' table: Go into the dining room, towards the stairs leading to the lower level. But before you get to the stairs, take a left (into the restaurant's second dining room) and head towards the kitchen. Once you do, you'll face-to-face come with a bar area set up around a chef's station. Go past that and into the hallway just beyond. The toilets are there.

What's it like?

This is a hip little eatery found on the outskirts of Melbourne. The interior is filled with folk art and pictures of dogs, and the menu wears its modern gourmet American influences like a badge of honor. The food here is imaginatively prepared and tasty, albeit a bit too rich for a casual night out and drenched in various sauces, it seems. The highlights are the salads, which are creative and tantalizing.

Likewise, the bathrooms are cozy, clean and cool, filled with offbeat pictures, dark wood highlights, funky old-fashioned wall paper, classy fixtures and REAL TOWELS! Funky and functional, to say the least.

Except that the person who used the toilet before me had not flushed -- and instead of a funky clean bathroom I was greeted by a toilet filled with someone else's pee and toilet paper. This, of course, made me wonder what the "Yellow" in "Yellow Dog Cafe" really referred too..... which in turn led to a night of horrific paranoia. Ick.

Marks out of 10:

7. Would have been higher were it not for the unflushed toilet.

Comments to the Management:

While you may have a hip, sophisticated, fun environment on your hand and a creative menu, your clientele (or staff?) clearly isn't as sophisticated as you might believe they are. Perhaps it's time to start screening people at the door. Before they enter, ask: "Do you flush the toilet after going to the bathroom?" If they say "No" or appear hesitant, refuse them entry!

Circuit City Toilet Doubles as Unwanted Bidet

Circuit City
6560 20th St
Vero Beach, FL USA 32966

www.circuitcity.com

Where is it?

In the very far back left corner of the store, past the music and video collection, the assortment of computer peripherals, telephones and headphones, and the racks of bargain software titles. Just look for the little red sign reading "Restrooms." (And yes, there's reason for this seclusion -- read on.....)

What's it like?

Clean, soulless and perhaps a bit too spacious for it's own good, given the echoes produced here. The walls and floor are covered with white tiles, and the stall doors are colored the same red as the company's logo. Go figure.

Of course, the big shock is the toilet found in the handicap stall, which -- I learned quite surprisingly -- doubles as a bidet. I took a seat here in dire straights, having sufferred a very bad meal just minutes before. (The regular stall was taken, hence my reason for entering the handicap one.) I sat down, did my business and proceeded to flush courteously so as not to bother my fellow crapper. When I did, waves of flushing water raged out from basin and thrashed against the toilet rim, producing a rush of upward moving waterfall of toilet water against my bottom. The water kept slamming against me for about a minute, during which I could do nothing but sit helplessly, clench my jaw in disgust and feel soaked and violated. I shrieked and shrieked. The guy in the stall next to me must have been in hysterics.

Worse still, the bathroom had no towel dispensers, only air dryers, so I could not find nothing but flimsy toilet paper to dry my wet undercarriage. It was perhaps the saddest day of my life. I dabbed at it as best as I could and then -- filled with shame and humiliation -- returned to my shopping, glum look on my face. Just to feel better, I spent $200 on electronics I didn't need, though that really did little to erase the experience from my memory.

Marks out of 10:

2. Would have been higher had I visited the other stall, no doubt.

Comments to the Management:

Perhaps it's time to check the plumbing and water pressure in the handicap stall before someone gets injured -- or too excited to leave.