Cafe Tu Tu Tango Offers Crammed, Intentionally Uncomfortable Facilities

Cafe TuTu Tango
8625 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.cafetututango.com

Where is it?

Kind of hard to find, considering the many distractions found here. From the main entrance, go straight, until you reach a central island where you'll find a local painter (or group of painters) hard at work creating new art.

From there, veer left of the bar and start working your way to the left of the building. While walking, look up, at the paintings on the wall, and look for one above a small hallway beside a waitress station that reads "Restrooms." That should take you there, provided a belly dancer or other free-floating entertainer doesn't lead you astray (which may happen).

What's it like?

This tapas bar chain offers inventive food, cool cocktails and a major bohemian theme -- best displayed in the countless paintings and other works of art hanging on the walls, and the many artists hired to create their works before you (which doubles as live entertainment here). Naturally, to give more authenticity to the chaotic bohemian mindset here, the place also houses an air of grunginess about it -- hey, this is a place supposedly founded by starving artists who want to pay $7 for a glass of domestic beer, so why not be a little realistic, right?

Ironically enough, nowhere is that better exemplified than in the bathrooms. The walls here are covered with a mixture of mosiac tiles and grafitti. The main area of the restroom, where the sink (really, just a large trough with oversized faucets) and urinals are located, is spacious and quirkly, but its also a bit too roomy, considering that most people stopping in for a pee aren't looking to be so out in the open when they want to do their business.

Also, an empty easel stands opposite the urinal in that main room, giving one the impression that a painter will be along shortly to capture the moment. Ick.

The stalls are the exact opposite of that front room: Exceedingly narrow. I imagine those of us who have larger proportions will have much trouble doing their business here, let alone fitting inside. (I'm not that big and I had trouble!) Then again, this is a place designed by starving artists, so perhaps the stall size is appropriate.

Marks out of 10:

4. Inventive, sure, but the thematic ties are way too involved, so much so that going here becomes more bothersome than relieving.

Comments to the Management:

I don't mean to sound like a codger, but can you tone it down some here?

Doubletree Castle's Elegance Will Surprise You

Doubletree Castle Hotel
8629 International Dr.
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.doubletreecastle.com

Where is it?

From the back entrance, go towards the elevators, turn right and head towards the front desk, then head left, towards the front entrance. The bathrooms are found on each side of the door, men's on the right, women's on the left. (Or, if coming in from the front entrance -- facing International Drive -- they are to either side of you once you come inside.)

What's it like?

This hotel, located in the middle of Orlando's tourism district, is shaped like a castle, and from the outside you'd think it will be as tacky and ridiculously over-the-top as the ridiculous Excalibur Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. But step inside and you'll find a place that doesn't let it's decor overtake its charm or practicality. Sure, it's filled with castle-inspired decor, but the presentation of those items is done tastefully, even understatedly, giving the hotel a touch of unexpected elegance.

The bathrooms extend that medieval decor but also mix in many modern flourishes -- which heightened the experience tremendously. Marble tile covers the floor and walls. The urinals are separated by thick barriers, offering plenty of privacy to anyone using them. The stall feels more like an isolated room than part of the actual bathroom, thanks to full-sized doors. The main sinks are automatic and covered with thick marble. (The stall sink had a pedastal sink with a classy "magic mirror" hanging above it.) Also, the place offers real towels to dry your hands with -- and you drop off your dirty towels (or picked up new ones) in a dark wood-carved hamper set to the side of the main sinks.

Marks out of 10:

10. Truly regal public toilets. Unexpectedly so!

Comments to the Management:

Keep up the good work.

Dinner Show's Toilets Offer Little Time for "Crime-Solving"

Sleuths Mystery Dinner Show
8267 International Drive
Orlando, FL USA 32819

www.sleuths.com

Where is it?

The restrooms here are easier to find than solving the show's mystery...... We attended a show set in the Sherlock Theatre (one of the business' three theaters). The toilets for it can be reached by following these instructions: From the entrance, cross the entire stretch of the dining room theater, keeping the stage to your left, and head for the small enclave in the back. Enter the enclave and you'll find the toilets.

What's it like?

This is a fun mystery dinner show with decent (albeit not great) food -- but skip that strange onion-cream-cheese spread, ick -- and an emphasis on humor over plot discrepancies. However, for a place that seats 250 people at a time, and one that offers free beer, wine and soda throughout the show's running time, you would expect there to be more toilets here, not just a pair of single one-toilet rooms. As a result, when going, you often find yourself at the back of a long line, which in turn means you can't pay attention to the show because you don't want to lose your spot. Intermission is worse since the line is exponentially larger.

Worse still, once inside, the impatient people waiting behind you knock repeatedly on the door because they are nearing emergency status. Not exactly a good place to make a long pit stop, if you will.

On the plus side, the bathrooms are clean and well-kept -- an impressive characteristic considering they were in constant use throughout my visit to the show -- a show that is 3 to 4 hours long, may I add! Kudos to the staff (and perhaps even the guests) on keeping it clean.

Marks out of 10:

6. Clean, sure, but all that hustle and bustle and those time limitations make it a sometimes-unnerving bathroom-going experience.

Comments to the Management:

Install more toilets -- or at least install speakers around the bathroom area so people in line for the toilets can hear the show while they're waiting in line. It might make them less cranky and impatient too.

Wood Obsession Nearly Goes Too Far at Oishi

Oishi Ultimate Japanese Cuisine
11025 International Drive
Suite A
Orlando, FL USA 32821

Where is it?

From the front entrance, head all the way to the back of the restaurant, staying just right of the bar/teppanyaki grill set up in the rear of the restaurant. Go through the hallway in the very back and you'll find the restrooms.

What's it like?

Very woody. The decor here contains countless variations of natural wood -- from glossed over tree trunks that serve as tables to natural looking wooden chairs to wall decor made of bamboo and bark... You get the idea. The wood here is made to look natural, not manufacturer. It's kind of neat as a conversation piece, and kind of cool-looking at first.

But it also makes eating here a little tricky because the natural wood gives odd shapes to the tables, and that means that one side of the table will often be wide or thick and the other narrow, thin and unusuable -- and that means one side of the table can eat in comfort while the other must eat with the constant fear that he or she might drop someting onto the floor by accident. Most of the food served here is delicate in nature already, so asking the diner to take extra care in eating it seems a bit too much of an imposition. My companion had soup here, and because he was seated at the narrow part of the tree trunk table he almost spilled it on himself several times before finally giving up and getting it to go. I, on the other hand, sat at the fat part of the trunk and had little to no troubles.

Given this, I was very fearful of what the toilets might look like. Would the toilet seat be wide on one end and thin on the other? Would the sink have unusuable faucets?

Thankfully, no! The toilet and sink were standard white porcelain, and the room itself was laid out nicely in dark brown tiles and dark wood trim. But the decor was still decidedly wooden, whether it was the authentic Japanese carvings or the odd-looking found-wood sculptures there. Either way, it made the restaurant's wood theme feel a little thick -- and that feeling continued when I returned to my table, where I started to get a little sick of the wood. Can we have a little practicality here, please?

Marks out of 10:

7. Imagination is there but the wood idea's a little too overpowering.

Comments to the Management:

Perhaps a little more understatement might help.

Fancy Wedding's Strategy of Forcing Guests to Use Port-o-lets May Have Ruined Wedding

Fancy Lawyer's Multi-Millions Dollar Mansion
(wedding of his son, an actor, to a hair dresser)
Winter Park, FL USA
(the wealthy part, with a nice view of a lake, not the crummy part)

Where is it?

It's not in the house, that's for damn sure. For this wedding, NO ONE WAS ALLOWED IN THE HOUSE except staff. That meant that the guests had to use a set port-o-lets set up in the back yard if they had to relieve themselves. Naturally, the guest list here included some of Orlando's elite (including past mayors, politicians, famous lawyers and more) -- none were allowed to relieve themselves inside the host's multi-million-dollar, multi-room lakeside mansion.

To make it worse, the trip to the toilets was difficult. To start, we had to hand our car to the private valet at the front driveway. Then, to get to the toilets, we walked up the long, winding driveway and headed to the front door, thinking we could go through the house to get to the reception.

BUT NO! Once we got there a very rude servant or wedding-staff member ran out the front door and told us "NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THE HOUSE! THE HOUSE IS ONLY FOR AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL." Go figure.

Then, the servant grabbed our wedding gift from our hands (didn't even ask for it) and ordered us to go to the right, where we found a very narrow brick pathway through an overgrown garden of roses (ouch, thorns!) and sage brush that led us around the house (about a half-mile, I think) and into the back yard. The bricks on the path were rough and uneven, which made my companion's attempt to walk the path in heels all the more challenging.

Once there, we were greeted by an elegant garden filled with fountains, tables, tents (each one offering food and drink) and a larger covered area where the band and a dance floor were set. The port-o-lets were set behind the tent housing the dance floor and band.

What's it like?

It's a fancy house, sure, and the garden decor for the reception itself was quite beautiful. Given that, you'd think the port-o-lets would be special, and they were. The units were made so that the person using them didn't have to involve his or her hands much for operation. Sinks (which streamed in water from attached tanks) could be operated with foot pedals. And there even was separate areas for urinals and toilets, to make things more hygenic for male and female sharing.

Despite this, however, the toilets offered little comfort. This mostly was due to a lack of lighting. The wedding reception started at 630pm, so after an hour or so, the sun started falling and it began to get dark, and while this drew out the many candles set decoratively around the garden and made for a very romantic setting, there was no lighting near any of the port-o-lets, and also because they were set under this mammoth canopy of willow and live oak, it got very dark by them very quickly, so much so that if you entered the toilet after, say, 8pm, you found it hard to see where you were going (literally).

Mind you, this wasn't so bad if you were a guy, since you could just hope you hit something and then return to the fun. But women, especially those in longer evening gowns, had much more trouble -- not only did they have to slog their fancy shoes and low hems over the soiled floor of the port-o-let, but they really couldn't see where they were sitting when they had to go. I imagine more than a few of them sat in the wrong place, or in a pool of spillage.

Given this, at 830pm my companion said she had to go to the bathroom but didn't want to chance the situation at hand, so we chose to leave and pay a quick visit at the 7-11 down the street before heading home. We were not the only ones to do so at the same time, believe it or not. We found at least 50 people waiting for their cars at the valet by the time when we arrived at the station, and we saw many more behind us, some of them dancing about, preparing to leave as well. Collectively, I'd say about half the guest lists left before 9pm, which was when the cake cutting was to happen.

As my companion said when we reached the car, "I bet the 7-11 up the street will be packed."

Interesting side note: While waiting for the valet, we heard from someone that the pool house bath was opened out of necessity at around 8pm for people to use -- but the wait time was more than an hour to get in. Clearly, money can't buy everything.

Marks out of 10:

9 for the wedding decor. 2 for the port-o-lets, even with their fancy no-hands flourishes.

Comments to the Management:

I imagine the wedding planner had some serious 'splainin' to do after the fact -- would it have been that hard to put some lights by the toilets? That's all that was needed, really.